(no subject)
So I guess this is the hard part. The part I've been waiting for.
I think Josh is starting to emotionally leave me. It's the process that I've gone through and am starting to recognize. The phase of looking at old pictures of us, wondering if I made the right choice, debating talking to him, calling, texting. The feeling of being alone, so alone that I'd rather drive down to San Diego and crawl into his bed than sleep in mine alone.
I've been here, I've done this. It will go away sooner or later, and when it does I think I'll be over him. I'm hoping so any. This is pretty painful, to not be over him when it's finally gone will kind of suck.
Given up on the other thing. Trying to create space between us a little bit, though I can't resist when he texts or IMs me. I don't see it going anywhere so I should try and save myself. I'm not 100% 'giving up' just backing off.
I was going through all my old pictures from this year. Such a bad year. I saw the first picture Jack and I ever took together. When I was still with Josh. We both looked so happy at the time. So innocently happy. If I had not gone to that party the whole Jack thing probably would have never happened. Domino effect. Amazes me.
Getting over Joseph was easier. I had friends I was with everyday to support me and help me. But I also had to see his angry hateful face everyday. Now I have no one, and only hear Josh's sad thoughts in his blog.
Getting over Jack was the easiest. He made it easy to hate him. He was a good friend. He did, at times, have my best interests in mind. But he made my best interests him, which was a mistake.
I miss Josh. I miss his hugs, his smell, his smile. God do I miss his smile.
I guess what I really have right now is mixed feelings. I saw the photos from his last birthday and it made me sick to my stomach, all the work I put into that. I should not have made myself so vulnerable.
Like I said, mixed feelings.
I think Josh is starting to emotionally leave me. It's the process that I've gone through and am starting to recognize. The phase of looking at old pictures of us, wondering if I made the right choice, debating talking to him, calling, texting. The feeling of being alone, so alone that I'd rather drive down to San Diego and crawl into his bed than sleep in mine alone.
I've been here, I've done this. It will go away sooner or later, and when it does I think I'll be over him. I'm hoping so any. This is pretty painful, to not be over him when it's finally gone will kind of suck.
Given up on the other thing. Trying to create space between us a little bit, though I can't resist when he texts or IMs me. I don't see it going anywhere so I should try and save myself. I'm not 100% 'giving up' just backing off.
I was going through all my old pictures from this year. Such a bad year. I saw the first picture Jack and I ever took together. When I was still with Josh. We both looked so happy at the time. So innocently happy. If I had not gone to that party the whole Jack thing probably would have never happened. Domino effect. Amazes me.
Getting over Joseph was easier. I had friends I was with everyday to support me and help me. But I also had to see his angry hateful face everyday. Now I have no one, and only hear Josh's sad thoughts in his blog.
Getting over Jack was the easiest. He made it easy to hate him. He was a good friend. He did, at times, have my best interests in mind. But he made my best interests him, which was a mistake.
I miss Josh. I miss his hugs, his smell, his smile. God do I miss his smile.
I guess what I really have right now is mixed feelings. I saw the photos from his last birthday and it made me sick to my stomach, all the work I put into that. I should not have made myself so vulnerable.
Like I said, mixed feelings.