(no subject)
Could life get ANY worse? Don't answer that, I'm sure it could.
There are so many people that I'm not talking to who I used to talk to so much. It's weird how people are only friends with you because you share a link with them, but that link is another person, so as soon as that link is gone, so are all the linked friendships.
I feel so strongly that even though I was thoroughly miserable when I was with Josh, being alone now, almost 100% alone, is worse. Did I really make the right decision? Am I happier? Or am I trying to fool myself that I would be better off still with him?
Part of me wants to go back in time to when we were happy and everything felt ok because Josh was with me.
I don't really know how I got to this point in my life. Alone, sad, failing, watching people fail. I wish I could quit school. As of now I hate it and I'm not motivated. The assignments aren't helping me, they only frustrate me. My teacher frustrates me when he lectures about NOTHING for two hours, yet I sit there and listen. I hate my job, my boss and his wife. I dislike most of my coworkers.
I just don't care about much anymore. Nothing seems to matter.
I know I have Nathan, and his support helps. I don't know, maybe because we only text and talk online that his help only goes so far.
That was a weird dream btw, I can't even begin to analyze it.
I feel bad about Josh failing his midterms. Yes, what he said made me angry and when I think about it I get angry but I always thought I KNEW that he didn't need me. That I could have died and he'd still study every night and get A's on all his tests. I don't want to be the reason he's doing poorly.
I hope this semester ends quickly, and if I pass my class I'll be very surprised
There are so many people that I'm not talking to who I used to talk to so much. It's weird how people are only friends with you because you share a link with them, but that link is another person, so as soon as that link is gone, so are all the linked friendships.
I feel so strongly that even though I was thoroughly miserable when I was with Josh, being alone now, almost 100% alone, is worse. Did I really make the right decision? Am I happier? Or am I trying to fool myself that I would be better off still with him?
Part of me wants to go back in time to when we were happy and everything felt ok because Josh was with me.
I don't really know how I got to this point in my life. Alone, sad, failing, watching people fail. I wish I could quit school. As of now I hate it and I'm not motivated. The assignments aren't helping me, they only frustrate me. My teacher frustrates me when he lectures about NOTHING for two hours, yet I sit there and listen. I hate my job, my boss and his wife. I dislike most of my coworkers.
I just don't care about much anymore. Nothing seems to matter.
I know I have Nathan, and his support helps. I don't know, maybe because we only text and talk online that his help only goes so far.
That was a weird dream btw, I can't even begin to analyze it.
I feel bad about Josh failing his midterms. Yes, what he said made me angry and when I think about it I get angry but I always thought I KNEW that he didn't need me. That I could have died and he'd still study every night and get A's on all his tests. I don't want to be the reason he's doing poorly.
I hope this semester ends quickly, and if I pass my class I'll be very surprised