Issues with the Church continued...
So now our vicar has declared his interest in mine and M's relationship. I'm going back to university in a couple of weeks to do a masters (eeh! v. excited!) and M is coming with me (yay!). We discussed it, and M thought about it for a long time. It'll be the first time he's leaving home and he has to find some kind of work too, so there's lots of changes for him.
Hello M,
Hope you had a good holiday. Anywhere nice?
L has told me of your email about moving to Cardiff as Kat is going to Uni there.
I realise that you haven’t talked to me about the move, and have probably talked and prayed it through with others. So do feel completely free to tell me to butt out and mind my own business! But it is a big decision and has flagged up a few concerns in my mind as your pastor. So, if you’d like to have a chat and a pray and haven’t done so, let me know. I‘m around until next Tuesday and then we’re on hols for a fortnight! Don’t worry, I won’t press you if you’d rather not!
Rev. T
Vicar
When M forwarded it to me I was a bit speechless. It made me very cross. We (me and my girl friends) have been noticing an increasing ...masculinity in the leadership of our church since the new vicar came. Especially since the new associate minister arrived, who might kindly be called conservative. To be honest I'm kinda glad I'm leaving soon anyway, I suspect a mass exodus will take place in the near future pushed by an increasing feeling of marginalisation.
That's a bit off topic but not entirely, because, as the saying goes, this email does not exist in a vacuum. We feel preached at instead of to, as if we can try hard enough at reading the Bible and being 'good Christians' we can get ourselves into heaven. Then adding insult to injury, we're constantly being told that this is what to aim for, but we're never gonna reach it. We are all sinners and bad people and everyone is a bad person if you look deeply enough.
It hurts me that the values and community I love are being pushed aside for this dogma. We're constantly told they want the church to grow, but I don't see how it can when this exclusive attitude is the message being put across. I became a christian in large part because of other christians I knew and met. If this is the message that had been given to me then I probably would have run a mile!
The all encompassing grace and mercy of God, and the compassion we show to others is the most important part of being a christian to me. Jesus said 'the most important commandments are these: love your the Lord your God, and love your neighbour as yourself.' Being told how to act and what to think and what you're allowed to do (particularly when it's aimed at women...) is not. Apart from anything else, this doesn't even work to make you good enough (see above). The Old Testament is full of people trying to live by law and failing. That's what Jesus came to solve. We no longer have to live by law. Yet it seems we are being ordered to.
Anyway M replied to the email, probably more politely than I would have done...
Hi T
Thanks for the email. I appreciate the concern, and that you feel it part of your responsibility as pastor.
I should probably make it clear that I do realise that this is a very big decision - and not one I have taken lightly. I have talked and prayed it through with friends and fellow Christians - many much older and wiser than me - and all have been very supportive. However, it is one I feel ultimately Kat and I have to make ourselves. I don't really feel the need to repeat these discussions further.
Cheers
M
So that's that! I made brownies this evening to calm down. It's only sort of worked...