I can't help it. Why do I always put myself in this position?
So Austin was awesomely fun. I enjoy going with the whole gang. Kacchan, Judy, Trekkie, Jenny Peet, Brandon, and Jose. But I can't help but to feel a little out of place. It makes me happy to know that I've been accepted into the group, but it just doesn't seem like I fit in.
Here's the breakdown. I always get hyped up about hanging out with Kat, and I know that she wants to hang out with everyone, and I'm aware that I'm, so called, 'the new guy.'
Saying that, I know exactly what's going to happen. Everyone is going to talk about things that I was in no way involved in. I'm perfectly aware of it. When that happens I just stay quiet, and enjoy the stories that I hear. Sometimes this stuff just goes way over my head. I know it's going to happen.
It happens every time. I end up trying to get involved. Doesn't work out. So I just stay quiet, and listen. At some points, I feel uncomfortable.
Of course, that's natural. Every bit of it. So I go to where I get comfort.
I find myself doing it way too much and end up crowding that comfort. Clinging to it. I don't know what else to do. My comfort ends up pushing me away. I take her air. I try to fit myself into her bubble. I know I shouldn't.
I know it'll happen. It happens every time. I just end up hurting myself. I dig my own grave each and every time.
I know they accept me. That's what keeps me going. I want to know them better. I want to be one of them. The only way for me to do that is to turn back time. Heaven knows I can't.
I'm thinking about just not going out to group anymore. But I won't. I'll handle it. I'll endure it. I'll never get to know them by staying away.
I'm done.
Here's the breakdown. I always get hyped up about hanging out with Kat, and I know that she wants to hang out with everyone, and I'm aware that I'm, so called, 'the new guy.'
Saying that, I know exactly what's going to happen. Everyone is going to talk about things that I was in no way involved in. I'm perfectly aware of it. When that happens I just stay quiet, and enjoy the stories that I hear. Sometimes this stuff just goes way over my head. I know it's going to happen.
It happens every time. I end up trying to get involved. Doesn't work out. So I just stay quiet, and listen. At some points, I feel uncomfortable.
Of course, that's natural. Every bit of it. So I go to where I get comfort.
I find myself doing it way too much and end up crowding that comfort. Clinging to it. I don't know what else to do. My comfort ends up pushing me away. I take her air. I try to fit myself into her bubble. I know I shouldn't.
I know it'll happen. It happens every time. I just end up hurting myself. I dig my own grave each and every time.
I know they accept me. That's what keeps me going. I want to know them better. I want to be one of them. The only way for me to do that is to turn back time. Heaven knows I can't.
I'm thinking about just not going out to group anymore. But I won't. I'll handle it. I'll endure it. I'll never get to know them by staying away.
I'm done.