I cried today.

[squishy_bubbles]

Its funny, that this should seem such a miraculous thing because, I used to cry all the time. But I haven't really cried in a long time. Its funny I haven't felt much of anything in a long time. I've just had this horrible floating feeling, and nothing every slows down enough for me to touch the bottom of the river and walk to the bottom of the shore. Its just moving along on a path that I didn't pick, at a pace I didn't pick, to ultimately arrive at a destination I did not pick.

So, I cried today. I cried for me, but I also cried for Poohpooh, and for Steph because she loved Poohpooh, and for hte girls who lied to me last night, and Pam becuase I miss her terribly, and for my Shining Star because we never seem to be able to find time anymore, and for my mom because she always sees me at my grouchiest. And its funny, becaaue I think I cried the most for PoohPooh. Because for some reason today it really hit me, and I felt all the sadness I could for Stephanie who lost her childhood friend and protector. I hate it when people I love hurt. It makes me so indescribably sad.

I feel like I'm in limbo. I'm not a kid but I'm not a grown-up. I don't feel like I have a home anywhere. Brenau makes me tired and frustrated, but home doesn't feel quite the same either. But I just keep thinking about what the guy said. "Once you touch God, He's yours to hold on to."

"I am drifting in deep end, holding on to Your hand is all that saves me now."

"And I'll hang on to you, 'cause You're stronger, and You keep me from falling."

I guess the truth is today I felt again, and in a lot of ways I feel better because as long as you can feel you know your alive.