(no subject)
I woke up, and wished that I was dead
with an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed...
I thought of you, and where you'd gone
Let the world spin madly on..
My head and my heart feel like exploding. There are so many things swirling around my insides. Things I can't quite grasp, they're like smoke on a damp night. Katie, let's do the haunted house. Like, for realz. Does it even exist? haha.
How is it possible to forget what someone means to you? Or what you mean to them? I need your words, I need them like air. I'm sitting on this side of the couch, your polar opposite. I'm here to save the world. I guess in your own way you're here to save the world too. But what will you do, when I want to spend Christmas in a soup kitchen? What will you do when I go storm parliament about old growth forests? What will you do if i plaster our walls with poetry and drawings children did for me at school? I feel like I want to write out a story, a list, an essay, of WHO i AM. And what that entails, in my life. I don't have your words, I have no idea, if you really comprehend who I am in this life, and what drives me to the edge.
I cried in class yesterday. How fucking happy am I, that I am in a program that makes me FEEL so much? How happy am I that I get shown videos that make me cry in class? I am in the right place. But fuck, sometimes it hurts to be in the right place. I was left pretty shaken after class yesterday. I needed your arms <3. It's hard when you're gone, and I can't even talk to you, write to you. You're just... gone.
My life may get turned upside down for a little while. How will you handle that? And since when did I need to know the answers to every little fucking thing?
We're falling, deeper into each other every day. Maybe that's where this incessent need to know sprang from. There is still so much we don't know about each other, and yet we're falling, falling, faaaaaaaaaaalling. How scared am I, that we will get so deep, and realize we don't fit?
I've forced myself to say the words need, love. They want to hop out of my mouth, but my instinct is to silence them. I don't ever want to NEED anyone. I don't want to lose myself in someone else. Perhaps that is why i'm especially scared of you. Our lives are so different, i'm afraid i'll lose myself in yours, and I would die if that happened. I don't know why I don't feel strong enough to be myself and give myself entirely to you, "why won't you ever let me all the way in?!". I don't... Do you want it?
..I need your words like air.
with an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed...
I thought of you, and where you'd gone
Let the world spin madly on..
My head and my heart feel like exploding. There are so many things swirling around my insides. Things I can't quite grasp, they're like smoke on a damp night. Katie, let's do the haunted house. Like, for realz. Does it even exist? haha.
How is it possible to forget what someone means to you? Or what you mean to them? I need your words, I need them like air. I'm sitting on this side of the couch, your polar opposite. I'm here to save the world. I guess in your own way you're here to save the world too. But what will you do, when I want to spend Christmas in a soup kitchen? What will you do when I go storm parliament about old growth forests? What will you do if i plaster our walls with poetry and drawings children did for me at school? I feel like I want to write out a story, a list, an essay, of WHO i AM. And what that entails, in my life. I don't have your words, I have no idea, if you really comprehend who I am in this life, and what drives me to the edge.
I cried in class yesterday. How fucking happy am I, that I am in a program that makes me FEEL so much? How happy am I that I get shown videos that make me cry in class? I am in the right place. But fuck, sometimes it hurts to be in the right place. I was left pretty shaken after class yesterday. I needed your arms <3. It's hard when you're gone, and I can't even talk to you, write to you. You're just... gone.
My life may get turned upside down for a little while. How will you handle that? And since when did I need to know the answers to every little fucking thing?
We're falling, deeper into each other every day. Maybe that's where this incessent need to know sprang from. There is still so much we don't know about each other, and yet we're falling, falling, faaaaaaaaaaalling. How scared am I, that we will get so deep, and realize we don't fit?
I've forced myself to say the words need, love. They want to hop out of my mouth, but my instinct is to silence them. I don't ever want to NEED anyone. I don't want to lose myself in someone else. Perhaps that is why i'm especially scared of you. Our lives are so different, i'm afraid i'll lose myself in yours, and I would die if that happened. I don't know why I don't feel strong enough to be myself and give myself entirely to you, "why won't you ever let me all the way in?!". I don't... Do you want it?
..I need your words like air.