In which I love movies, but not DVDs...
Two things I am compelled wax capricious about today (though, I guess, by definition if I am ‘compelled’ then it is not ‘capricious’ but these really were random thoughts at one point that happened to spawn longer discussion)...
(Actually, no, that was just the second one. The first one was utter self-defense.)
Number One involves Tavington et al - the “bad boys of film” whom I know well and love well-er. Let me explain something that might not be perfectly clear from the way I wibble over their pretty, pretty sneers. There is a right way and a wrong way to embrace a villain.
Let me give an example. I am (go figure) a moderator of a Tavvy fic community. We get new material every couple of months. The most recent new submission has an opening bit which looks promising, much lip-curling and peppered with Marquis de Sade quotes (cliché, I know, but demonstrates potential!)… but by the third chapter the head-strong and steel-willed Mary Sue has fluffy-bunny Tavington pondering the wonders of having fatherhood thrust upon him.
Yeah, yeah, gag me with a spoon, right?
WRONG! THIS IS SO MUCH MORE SERIOUS THAN THAT!
Somewhere along the line, this sad teenage author missed that this guy is SHEER EVIL. They don’t call him ‘The Butcher’ because he enjoys the occasional well-trimmed ribeye! If you have the misfortune to procreate with this man (and rest assured that he’s not interested in whether or not you ‘got anything’ out of the act that resulted in said whelp), the only acceptable sentiment is probably, ‘Please don’t eat my baby.’ This man is not going to be ‘tamed’. It is not going to take the ‘right woman’ to ‘settle him down’. The characters upon whom that might work will fall into either the ‘loveable rogue’ or ‘well-meaning but shiftless scalliwag’ category. This particular character, as with all characters of the true villain (or “bad guy”) ilk, is a sociopathic horror show in shiny, shiny boots and I love him BECAUSE of that - not in SPITE of it. Hear that, girls-with-a-mission! BECAUSE!!! Not IN SPITE OF!!! This is not a situation in which one simply needs to ‘see past’ his bad behavior to find the cuddly soul underneath - dig into his bad behavior and all you’re going to find underneath is more bad behavior. Anyone that harbors delusions to the contrary is not going to get off as lightly as a breathlessly ripped bodice, if you know what I mean. Savor the snide remarks and the reckless bloodshed for what they are - the deliciously heartless acts of a soulless monster... and then, unless you've got an extra soul lying around, let it be what it is.
And if we could figure out a way to make that sink in, we could probably curb the incidence of domestic violence in the world by half.
And Number Two involves my odd relationship with my DVD player. Here’s the deal. I like to watch movies on television. First, every twenty minutes you get a commercial break to go potty and chat on the phone and check your email and feed the cat. Second, there’s no pressure. You can come in on the middle of the flick, watch an hour, and exit without making a scene. When you put a movie in the DVD player, you are making a statement of intent - you want to watch that film, you intend to watch that film, you will be seated in front of the television for the next two hours watching that film… THAT is a commitment. My mother says I can’t make a commitment to anything bigger than what to have for lunch until I can keep a houseplant alive. And my six crispy houseplants will tell you that I’m just not ready for the DVD player.
And speaking of ‘capricious’ and ‘bad guys’, I must point out for everyone that Joaquin Phoenix is giant-air-quotes-retiring, which means it’s a sad day for the villain world. His Commodus in ‘Gladiator’ is #2 on my list of ‘Greatest Bad Guys of All Time’. Mmmmm... patricide.
(Actually, no, that was just the second one. The first one was utter self-defense.)
Number One involves Tavington et al - the “bad boys of film” whom I know well and love well-er. Let me explain something that might not be perfectly clear from the way I wibble over their pretty, pretty sneers. There is a right way and a wrong way to embrace a villain.
Let me give an example. I am (go figure) a moderator of a Tavvy fic community. We get new material every couple of months. The most recent new submission has an opening bit which looks promising, much lip-curling and peppered with Marquis de Sade quotes (cliché, I know, but demonstrates potential!)… but by the third chapter the head-strong and steel-willed Mary Sue has fluffy-bunny Tavington pondering the wonders of having fatherhood thrust upon him.
Yeah, yeah, gag me with a spoon, right?
WRONG! THIS IS SO MUCH MORE SERIOUS THAN THAT!
Somewhere along the line, this sad teenage author missed that this guy is SHEER EVIL. They don’t call him ‘The Butcher’ because he enjoys the occasional well-trimmed ribeye! If you have the misfortune to procreate with this man (and rest assured that he’s not interested in whether or not you ‘got anything’ out of the act that resulted in said whelp), the only acceptable sentiment is probably, ‘Please don’t eat my baby.’ This man is not going to be ‘tamed’. It is not going to take the ‘right woman’ to ‘settle him down’. The characters upon whom that might work will fall into either the ‘loveable rogue’ or ‘well-meaning but shiftless scalliwag’ category. This particular character, as with all characters of the true villain (or “bad guy”) ilk, is a sociopathic horror show in shiny, shiny boots and I love him BECAUSE of that - not in SPITE of it. Hear that, girls-with-a-mission! BECAUSE!!! Not IN SPITE OF!!! This is not a situation in which one simply needs to ‘see past’ his bad behavior to find the cuddly soul underneath - dig into his bad behavior and all you’re going to find underneath is more bad behavior. Anyone that harbors delusions to the contrary is not going to get off as lightly as a breathlessly ripped bodice, if you know what I mean. Savor the snide remarks and the reckless bloodshed for what they are - the deliciously heartless acts of a soulless monster... and then, unless you've got an extra soul lying around, let it be what it is.
And if we could figure out a way to make that sink in, we could probably curb the incidence of domestic violence in the world by half.
And Number Two involves my odd relationship with my DVD player. Here’s the deal. I like to watch movies on television. First, every twenty minutes you get a commercial break to go potty and chat on the phone and check your email and feed the cat. Second, there’s no pressure. You can come in on the middle of the flick, watch an hour, and exit without making a scene. When you put a movie in the DVD player, you are making a statement of intent - you want to watch that film, you intend to watch that film, you will be seated in front of the television for the next two hours watching that film… THAT is a commitment. My mother says I can’t make a commitment to anything bigger than what to have for lunch until I can keep a houseplant alive. And my six crispy houseplants will tell you that I’m just not ready for the DVD player.
And speaking of ‘capricious’ and ‘bad guys’, I must point out for everyone that Joaquin Phoenix is giant-air-quotes-retiring, which means it’s a sad day for the villain world. His Commodus in ‘Gladiator’ is #2 on my list of ‘Greatest Bad Guys of All Time’. Mmmmm... patricide.