overdue.
I feel as though that i excel in self-realization. I am aware of my strengths and my faults and while I may have the initial disbelief against criticism I later can access and absorb it.
JOB/FUTURE RANT
Situation = new job non-retail(1) vs possible job retail(2). right now i am working part-time at 2 but the opportunity may come along in which I could get a store manager position. I am currently in extensive training at job 1 and having second thoughts. In this situation I should just go with my instincts. It's rare that I'm wrong on things like this. I know this about myself. So i'm hanging in there at job 1 to "feel it out" doing something that I may not want to do. The people I've spoken to so far encourage me to stay in training at 1, which I will do, especially because job 2 is only a possibility and not a sure thing, but i want it so much. SO here I am in job 1 and part-time 2. but if full time pt 2 comes along I may just say forget you job 1. It all boils down to this. something I don't really want to say. but, I WAS BORN FOR RETAIL.
What the hell does that mean? I am not quite sure. but I know I enjoy customer service, I enjoy sales(not the kind where you have to sell your soul and push people and put on a fake persona) but most importantly I enjoy managing. I feel successful knowing that a place succeeds because of myself, the team I've put in place, the values I hold and the methods I use which I pass down to my team members. If anything GameStop is a perfect example. I thrive on doing well and recognition. ON a surface level I hated when I had to relocate to troubled stores, but then when I was there I enjoyed nothing more than building them up and making them better. I want job 2 so bad. It has a history of being a troubled store so I want the challenge. I don't see myself doing anything else.
PERSONALITY RANT
SO i think anyone that really knows me would consider me somewhat charismatic, or animated. I know i only show this to people i feel comfortable with etc. If you don't really know me, you might think i am quiet, shy, etc. I knew I'd be out in harrisburg for training and meeting new people in my class. I told myself that If i go into it with a really bubbly personality and be all smiles and I will make friends etc. It's not surprising that regardless of my forced outgoing personality complimented with underlying confidence that it only took 3 days before i was deemed "the quiet one" and I stopped trying so hard to talk. I tried to get involved in small talk but at least three other people were louder, with more relevant material to add. So i stop, quiet down, because I don't know how to speak loud without seeming like I'm trying to draw all attention to myself. I also don't watch american idol, or have a child, or am a single mother, or hang out at da club. - the conversations that continue to come up. =(
Long story short, i feel like no matter where i go, no matter how hard i try, people figure me out. I am quiet, and when i get the chance to speak, garbled odd facts come out, thus making me awkward and "weird." I am the awkward quiet one. Also, throughout these training sessions and forced work interaction, I continue to see my mother in me. Go figure. But she functions the same way with her colleagues. she stays quiet unless she has to speak, when she DOES speak it comes out maybe with a bit of attitude. because they think we have attitude they leave us alone. eh. idk.
MISSING HOME
a continuation of an older post mentioned about how i've gone from a adventurous loner who slept in my car to a domestic homesick betty. SO being away from home for training I thought i could handle it but I kenw I'd be miserable. The work part of this week would probably suck less if I didn't feel homesick on top of it. I never thought I'd be this way, at least if you knew the old me. I even went into it with a positive attitude but here i am. I miss the old me, who would tackle this with a chip on my shoulder, probably be stowing away all the free breakfast food for the rest of the week. but i'm not that person anymore so here i am in my room. in bed not wanting to leave. I miss physical things - my house, my bed, my boyfriend, my cat. I miss abstract things - feeling comfortable, warm, safe, not paranoid that housekeepers are stealing my socks. everyone says, it's worth it for this job, but what if i end up not even working this job. haha.
meh. my mom says i'm just impatient. well. yeah. I'm so used to acting to work out my differences i can't just sit here and wait. not my thing. ugh. my ranting had purpose but now it is just that. ranting. maybe i';ll follow up later.
oh one other thing. Being displaced makes me confused about HOME. today i found myself a couple times thinking of my home in allentown, my home in macungie, and my home in state college as current HOME. I told meghan she should come over to watch a movie when she's free sometime. heh. like... in allentown. But i don't live there anymore. I told my mom i had to come pick up some things soon, in macungie. but i don't live there anymore. Still hasn't sunk in. feeling warped.
JOB/FUTURE RANT
Situation = new job non-retail(1) vs possible job retail(2). right now i am working part-time at 2 but the opportunity may come along in which I could get a store manager position. I am currently in extensive training at job 1 and having second thoughts. In this situation I should just go with my instincts. It's rare that I'm wrong on things like this. I know this about myself. So i'm hanging in there at job 1 to "feel it out" doing something that I may not want to do. The people I've spoken to so far encourage me to stay in training at 1, which I will do, especially because job 2 is only a possibility and not a sure thing, but i want it so much. SO here I am in job 1 and part-time 2. but if full time pt 2 comes along I may just say forget you job 1. It all boils down to this. something I don't really want to say. but, I WAS BORN FOR RETAIL.
What the hell does that mean? I am not quite sure. but I know I enjoy customer service, I enjoy sales(not the kind where you have to sell your soul and push people and put on a fake persona) but most importantly I enjoy managing. I feel successful knowing that a place succeeds because of myself, the team I've put in place, the values I hold and the methods I use which I pass down to my team members. If anything GameStop is a perfect example. I thrive on doing well and recognition. ON a surface level I hated when I had to relocate to troubled stores, but then when I was there I enjoyed nothing more than building them up and making them better. I want job 2 so bad. It has a history of being a troubled store so I want the challenge. I don't see myself doing anything else.
PERSONALITY RANT
SO i think anyone that really knows me would consider me somewhat charismatic, or animated. I know i only show this to people i feel comfortable with etc. If you don't really know me, you might think i am quiet, shy, etc. I knew I'd be out in harrisburg for training and meeting new people in my class. I told myself that If i go into it with a really bubbly personality and be all smiles and I will make friends etc. It's not surprising that regardless of my forced outgoing personality complimented with underlying confidence that it only took 3 days before i was deemed "the quiet one" and I stopped trying so hard to talk. I tried to get involved in small talk but at least three other people were louder, with more relevant material to add. So i stop, quiet down, because I don't know how to speak loud without seeming like I'm trying to draw all attention to myself. I also don't watch american idol, or have a child, or am a single mother, or hang out at da club. - the conversations that continue to come up. =(
Long story short, i feel like no matter where i go, no matter how hard i try, people figure me out. I am quiet, and when i get the chance to speak, garbled odd facts come out, thus making me awkward and "weird." I am the awkward quiet one. Also, throughout these training sessions and forced work interaction, I continue to see my mother in me. Go figure. But she functions the same way with her colleagues. she stays quiet unless she has to speak, when she DOES speak it comes out maybe with a bit of attitude. because they think we have attitude they leave us alone. eh. idk.
MISSING HOME
a continuation of an older post mentioned about how i've gone from a adventurous loner who slept in my car to a domestic homesick betty. SO being away from home for training I thought i could handle it but I kenw I'd be miserable. The work part of this week would probably suck less if I didn't feel homesick on top of it. I never thought I'd be this way, at least if you knew the old me. I even went into it with a positive attitude but here i am. I miss the old me, who would tackle this with a chip on my shoulder, probably be stowing away all the free breakfast food for the rest of the week. but i'm not that person anymore so here i am in my room. in bed not wanting to leave. I miss physical things - my house, my bed, my boyfriend, my cat. I miss abstract things - feeling comfortable, warm, safe, not paranoid that housekeepers are stealing my socks. everyone says, it's worth it for this job, but what if i end up not even working this job. haha.
meh. my mom says i'm just impatient. well. yeah. I'm so used to acting to work out my differences i can't just sit here and wait. not my thing. ugh. my ranting had purpose but now it is just that. ranting. maybe i';ll follow up later.
oh one other thing. Being displaced makes me confused about HOME. today i found myself a couple times thinking of my home in allentown, my home in macungie, and my home in state college as current HOME. I told meghan she should come over to watch a movie when she's free sometime. heh. like... in allentown. But i don't live there anymore. I told my mom i had to come pick up some things soon, in macungie. but i don't live there anymore. Still hasn't sunk in. feeling warped.