(no subject)
my god, you can't even begin to imagine what a relief it is to spend two days cleaning your apartment that really hasn't been properly cleaned in 5 months. or really tidied for maybe 3 weeks. mmm, amazing. and its nice that for once, i've not tidied it for the sole reason that someone's coming round, this time this is for me. yay. its probably the least hairy it's ever been (i moult a lot), and now has so many nice chemistry smells from all the decontamination products i've used it almost feels like i'm back in lab. at least now i'm not constantly avoiding the excuse to open my fridge too.
i should write about my weekend skiing in niigata but for now i'm not in the right frame of mind. it seems like i've fallen into another downer, so most of the time my mood is so fragile- generally i wake up really happy, go into school, and then as yvonne puts it "develop a face of death" and get really down/moody. i then get home and my mood seems to lift again. its really strange, because although i crave company right now, i feel that when i'm by myself i'm the happiest. plus, i'm dead happy and feel completely normal when i'm one-on-one with someone, but i can't deal with the group thing at the moment. in fact, being a group at the moment makes me want to kill something. i've got absolutely no patience whatsoever, and i don't like me at all to be honest. the worst thing with these moods i get is i get so massively insecure about everything, and my way to deal with it (and always is) is to push people away so not give them the chance to push me away, intentionally or not. generally, with the exception of my closest friends who know this, this has completely the wrong effect and i end up alienating myself. *sigh*. i reckon i need another "hitori de" [by myself] holiday.
that, and i know people mean well, but i really wish the question "are you ok?" didn't exist. clearly, the person asking is only asking because they know that in fact, i'm not ok. but its always asked in the most inappropriate place (for example, in a classroom) where if i actually answered (heaven forbid) honestly, i'd probably dissolve into tears. that, and usually the reason someone ever gets down is not a simple sentence worth. but to say just "no" is so bizarrely curt it almost seems rude. so the person who asks can either be:
1. offended by my abruptness;
2. treated to a 30 minute monologue of how incredibly down i am and the thousands of uncomfortably honest reasons contributing to it;
3. made slightly awkward as i dissolve into tears; or most likely
4. replied to with the standard reply of a half cheery "yeah, great/fine/peachy/OK".
anyway.
becky and i went househunting two days ago in kichijoji because she's got to move pretty soon as her contract runs out. i never thought sitting in an estate agent was so fun, but it really was. what was amazing was just how different an experience it was to when i was searching for my apartment, before classes had even started. this time we just went in, told him what we wanted, filled out all the forms, and while driving between views, had a good chat with the estate agent guy. we found her a place; really gorgeous and literally on the doorstep of inokashira park (famed in murakami novels)- a 1K 8.6 jyou place which is (relatively) MASSIVE especially for the (relatively) cheap price she's paying. well nice. afterwards we went this really cool jazz bar and celebrated with kahlua milks. mmm.
it seems that finally, i've managed to get all the daiwa girls together in one place. the daiwa boys (steve, joel and greg) are pretty tight and go out together all the time, but really, although the girls get on, we pretty much spend no time together. tina's married, jo and louisa do their own thing and have never been in the same class as us due to already owning at japanese, and since i got separated from becky and tina this term as we got kind of streamed, i don't really see them as much as i'd like. so anyway, to just y'know, get some girl time we're doing what all friends should do, and this sunday get naked together. in other words, go to an all day spa at tokyo dome. i'm so addicted to communal bathing its unreal.
i really need to go for a shower but i know when i do my bathroom's going to get all hairy again. baaah. i'm fighting the never ending battle with my hair. i need to do a britney.
i should write about my weekend skiing in niigata but for now i'm not in the right frame of mind. it seems like i've fallen into another downer, so most of the time my mood is so fragile- generally i wake up really happy, go into school, and then as yvonne puts it "develop a face of death" and get really down/moody. i then get home and my mood seems to lift again. its really strange, because although i crave company right now, i feel that when i'm by myself i'm the happiest. plus, i'm dead happy and feel completely normal when i'm one-on-one with someone, but i can't deal with the group thing at the moment. in fact, being a group at the moment makes me want to kill something. i've got absolutely no patience whatsoever, and i don't like me at all to be honest. the worst thing with these moods i get is i get so massively insecure about everything, and my way to deal with it (and always is) is to push people away so not give them the chance to push me away, intentionally or not. generally, with the exception of my closest friends who know this, this has completely the wrong effect and i end up alienating myself. *sigh*. i reckon i need another "hitori de" [by myself] holiday.
that, and i know people mean well, but i really wish the question "are you ok?" didn't exist. clearly, the person asking is only asking because they know that in fact, i'm not ok. but its always asked in the most inappropriate place (for example, in a classroom) where if i actually answered (heaven forbid) honestly, i'd probably dissolve into tears. that, and usually the reason someone ever gets down is not a simple sentence worth. but to say just "no" is so bizarrely curt it almost seems rude. so the person who asks can either be:
1. offended by my abruptness;
2. treated to a 30 minute monologue of how incredibly down i am and the thousands of uncomfortably honest reasons contributing to it;
3. made slightly awkward as i dissolve into tears; or most likely
4. replied to with the standard reply of a half cheery "yeah, great/fine/peachy/OK".
anyway.
becky and i went househunting two days ago in kichijoji because she's got to move pretty soon as her contract runs out. i never thought sitting in an estate agent was so fun, but it really was. what was amazing was just how different an experience it was to when i was searching for my apartment, before classes had even started. this time we just went in, told him what we wanted, filled out all the forms, and while driving between views, had a good chat with the estate agent guy. we found her a place; really gorgeous and literally on the doorstep of inokashira park (famed in murakami novels)- a 1K 8.6 jyou place which is (relatively) MASSIVE especially for the (relatively) cheap price she's paying. well nice. afterwards we went this really cool jazz bar and celebrated with kahlua milks. mmm.
it seems that finally, i've managed to get all the daiwa girls together in one place. the daiwa boys (steve, joel and greg) are pretty tight and go out together all the time, but really, although the girls get on, we pretty much spend no time together. tina's married, jo and louisa do their own thing and have never been in the same class as us due to already owning at japanese, and since i got separated from becky and tina this term as we got kind of streamed, i don't really see them as much as i'd like. so anyway, to just y'know, get some girl time we're doing what all friends should do, and this sunday get naked together. in other words, go to an all day spa at tokyo dome. i'm so addicted to communal bathing its unreal.
i really need to go for a shower but i know when i do my bathroom's going to get all hairy again. baaah. i'm fighting the never ending battle with my hair. i need to do a britney.