time for a bit of an update...
Well, the last few weeks potted...
Lets just leave the time from leaving uni until the school holidays as a fair blank other than trips to St Andrews for after school club, rainbows, and visits to meet up with new friends and organising to help out at a certain holiday club.
As for the rest of it, I can do no better at present than shoving up the random diary I kept while I was away.
04/07/07
Today:
Well, I got here yesterday - in the end. Key points of the evening were meeting Luke (Mike and Penny’s grandson from the USA) and catching up a little with Esther and Michael.
Today has been a very quiet day really. Breakfast - 8. First meeting 11 - finished by 12:30. Lunch was at 1, and the next meeting didn’t start until 3pm, so I took a thought time in that time. I did talk to a few people, but I was just quiet for the most of it.
I overheard one lady telling some others about how lucky she was to get out of her marriage, and about situations with people with mental health issues. We then had our next meeting and during one of the practical sessions I ended up with her in my group and she talked about the same things. I guess that these are the areas that she has experience in and so she relates everything to those. I guess it must be recent - or possibly might be, cause it seems to be close to the top of her head.
I couldn’t deal with her very well - found she was too overwhelming. In fact, I found that group time quite difficult - partly with her dominating the group, and partly with the group discussion going over the time we had been allotted (I think that might have been increased though.)
I don’t really know what to say about the group times! The pace is very relaxed - we’ve done some of the exercises of the first course of two years ago, and some new ones.
I found them pretty intimidating this time around - don’t know why. There has to be a fairly sharp learning curve as they want us to go out on the streets to give randoms words before the end of our time here.
During the first break, before it all started, I put in the time needed to learn my lines (for the holiday club) - it took most of the two hours between breakfast and our first session. At some point I shall properly start my diss research and will use one break each day for that - probably the morning time. (Uh, yeah right! That didn’t happen!!!)
Tea is at 6.15, and there is talk of a group walk this evening. Right now I’m listening as another girl practices her Clarsach for her friends wedding. Or she has just stopped it now. It was lovely - and pretty relaxing. Possibly I need to get some quiet Clarsach music for listening to for when I am stressed!
This evening was interesting. I began by chatting more fully with Esther, and then ended up down at the beech for a walk. I did cartwheels and sang on the way down to the beach and then Esther and the other staff caught up with us. I ended up being amongst the first back with Esther.
We ended up chatting with others (well, I did, Esther went off with her brother) and then downstairs.
After a bit, I ended up chatting with Caleb. He teased me for abandoning him and Zack and the rest while on the way down to the beach. One of the guys told me later, after he’d joined us, and Caleb had moved off to do something else, that he was sorry for making our 2 into 3 - leaving me wondering why - if we are talking that way, Caleb is a nice guy, but I’ve only just met him. In fact, I’d have moved on myself if I hadn’t been stopped by more teasing!
Tine went on, and as Caleb left, Heather joined us. She was feeling a bit out of sorts, and as he (Alan, the other guy) was in her church he started to encourage her. (Alan was one of the most encouraging people on the course. It was good getting to know him over the week, and meeting his wife at CLAN the following week). I got in on the act, and then fell into helping Luke with the dishes. It was good to chat to him. He is another good guy. Anyway - think its bedtime. Breakfast is at 8 tomorrow and we have sessions 10-12, and 7-9. Long afternoon break then… Possibly study time methinks.
Day 2:
How nice it is to be able to be on my own! I am having a good time, and my roommate is nice, but boy, it does make you appreciate times of solitude and quiet. Part of that is no doubt coming from the noise and clatter of the dining room. It’s odd - I don’t know if it’s the people or the set up (square table for 8), or me, but while I find that I’m ready to leave the noise I’ve finding it easier (compared to hall pmeals) to do at least a little social and feel part of the group.
There are still some folks I don’t know where to start with - but surely that has to be to do with them as well as me.
I’m finding some of this quite tiring. I’m not srue whether it’s the wear and tear of such a different situation to ‘home life’ or if it is more to do with sleep stuff. This place, however, does hold much more hope for me than the mid week weekend away did.
I’m eventually learning that the teaching times are completely mislabled. They are more to be ‘discussion groups’ than lectures. It has taken me a while to get used to it, and I think most of us are still overcoming our natural reluctance to speak out in what feels like a fairly big group - say up to 40 people, most of whom we only met a few days ago.
I know that Zack, the guy who is leading us all, finds this quite difficult, as he has decided we are not ‘morning’ people, and said yesterday that he felt we staged a sit down protest - I think that some of us were after guidance, a quiet time had set itself up and no one wanted to break through it and I at least was still getting used to the idea of the activity. It was about using taste and smell and pain senses to see what God was saying about people, and rather different to anything I have experienced before.
Today’s exercise was ‘when I look at you I see’ and we now have ‘home work’ - where each day we are to pray for words from God for 3 people. These will be given to ‘the staff’ (Zack and Caleb I guess!) who will cut them up and give each one of us our words at the end of the time.
At 1:55 I think I shall do some reading and then go see if I can meet up with people for talk. Apparently God wants to ‘Rock my World’ through this week.
Gah! Study books! I was just getting confused about a statement over the application of oil for ‘toilet purposes’. It took some time for it to hit me that it was toilet as in toiletries rather than to go to the loo! *rolls eyes*.
6/7/07
Boy! What a busy day! I did to a lot of reading yesterday afternoon. I think it was about 5:30 or later I eventually stopped and went looking for company. I ate, had the meeting, chatted with folks, had prayer time, found the computer and then headed up to my room.
Today was the same pattern for meetings, and seems to be falling into the pattern of up, dress, breakfast, quiet time, meeting… Then this afternoon I ended up with a group of folks at Largs. It was great - went for a walk, had OJ in a café, bought two tops from Happit, returned to the centre, had worship time until dinner, and now I’m about to go down to wait on the start of the next meeting. Boy, its been busy!
7/7/07
Well - I may not be about for much of today as there is talk of heading off to Troon for part of an intercessory prayer day. That started at 10 and will finish at 5.
Today there was a bit of an accountability session, where we met with 2 others from the group and admitted areas of our lives where we had issues. I ended up talking about using the comp as a daily routine and a place to hide if I knew nothing else to do with myself.
So I have been challenged to leave the comp off until, say 10am, to turn it off at the need of the day, and to have a friend to keep me accountable. I also need to attempt to put some friendship for friendships sake in the place that the computer has in my life.
I don’t see the latter challenge as very easy - it will take work. I guess it is worth giving it a go though.
Wednesday Week 2:
Well… I’m stunned. Today has been so odd. The morning was good - we’d had a session on intercessory prayer and how important it was, we then had quite a session on that. It was good. I can’t really describe what went on there. It was a deepening exercise, bent mostly on opening up the heart of God to us.
This afternoon we were to head out to Saltcoats for some practice at prophetic evangelism - only I didn’t quite get there.
Yesterday, when we went out, there was a split in the group, and Susan, who has real difficulties, ended up going off on her own and never quite getting there.
She had been hurt so much in the past that she couldn’t deal with what looked like rejection while we debated who was doing what. I was troubled by her going off all afternoon, and with my trip into Saltcoats and the darkness which exists there I found I had carried back a spirit of depression. When I realised that I dealt with it and moved on.
Today, as we got ready to leave, Susan admitted to some of the pain she had been feeling before and I tried to assure her how much I had wanted to be with her when she left. She broke down in tears, at first gently, and then more thoroughly, telling me that it wouldn’t make/have made any different. I didn’t know what else to do so aimed to comfort her. Which didn’t exactly happen!
When Colleen joined us I took her direction. I ended up leaving to join the other adults about the place and also broke down from the pain that I felt coming from her. It was like I was overwhelmed by her pain. I ended up in a car, but Ruth, my room mate and the driver suggested that I stay home.
I went for a tissue and let them organise everything. By the time I got back Colleen suggested we stay at the centre to pray - Susan had been persuaded to join the rest.
Colleen and I talked for a while and prayed, but at the end of our time together she stunned me. I’d eventually told her about the AS and she had realised that that was why I appeared to be so ‘driven’. She had been worried about that.
She had also worried that I might be anorexic, or something like that, and my room mate had thought so too. This startled me rather, but it did explain why Ruth has been so adamant that I not even consider fasting! And why she has been asking me each day whether I am having breakfast! Colleen told me they had both sensed something in me, but hadn’t known what it was.
Talking that - Tea bell has rung - I’d best go or I’ll have her worrying about me! *shock*
Fri - Clan (Sat AM)
I guess that after the last few weeks it is hardly surprising that I am not sleeping tonight. I’m overtired through running about between Clan sessions, holiday club and prophetic team. And tonights social didn’t help that much either.
I had an odd conversation with Caleb tonight! I was telling him it seemed he had a close relationship with his bro’s from what I saw of the banter on Facebook - his resp was that it could hardly be called a relationship yet! I took a double take at that and asked how he didn’t have a relationship with his brothers and it turned out he thought that I had read a later message about a girl he is interested in.
The party was good. I bumped into a mix of people from Holiday clubs people (who I went with) family the organisers (Rick said that it was a good week despite little niggles such as the weather) and Mike and Penny and church folks - what ho for Helen and Colin and Myra. Apparently John and Ginny are going on holiday this week so I will not see them. I’m sorry to hear that, but it will be good to catch up with those who are there.
Then the holiday club celebratory meal. Much excitedness and all sorts (Including being told that someone had taken me for a goth due to the colour of my hair, and my being exhausted making me terribly pale…) It was fun bumping into waitress Roxy. And Superman grace in the middle of a fairly posh restaurant… Roxannes comment - she could have given us some theological type chant of a grace (my wording, cause I’ve forgotten the exact terms she used!)
Now I’m home, failed to sleep though I’m in need of it, but hopefully this will have despoiled my mind of its busy-ness. And ‘Jump up and down’ etc will stop playing itself in my head!!!
That last was from Friday night. Since then I have spent a few days of quiet in st a. Went to my church there and caught up with a few folks, had my driving lesson home, recovered a fair bit of energy, and went to st A for dissertation books. Which reminds me, I'm meant to be reading now *runs off to hide and try and do it*
Lets just leave the time from leaving uni until the school holidays as a fair blank other than trips to St Andrews for after school club, rainbows, and visits to meet up with new friends and organising to help out at a certain holiday club.
As for the rest of it, I can do no better at present than shoving up the random diary I kept while I was away.
04/07/07
Today:
Well, I got here yesterday - in the end. Key points of the evening were meeting Luke (Mike and Penny’s grandson from the USA) and catching up a little with Esther and Michael.
Today has been a very quiet day really. Breakfast - 8. First meeting 11 - finished by 12:30. Lunch was at 1, and the next meeting didn’t start until 3pm, so I took a thought time in that time. I did talk to a few people, but I was just quiet for the most of it.
I overheard one lady telling some others about how lucky she was to get out of her marriage, and about situations with people with mental health issues. We then had our next meeting and during one of the practical sessions I ended up with her in my group and she talked about the same things. I guess that these are the areas that she has experience in and so she relates everything to those. I guess it must be recent - or possibly might be, cause it seems to be close to the top of her head.
I couldn’t deal with her very well - found she was too overwhelming. In fact, I found that group time quite difficult - partly with her dominating the group, and partly with the group discussion going over the time we had been allotted (I think that might have been increased though.)
I don’t really know what to say about the group times! The pace is very relaxed - we’ve done some of the exercises of the first course of two years ago, and some new ones.
I found them pretty intimidating this time around - don’t know why. There has to be a fairly sharp learning curve as they want us to go out on the streets to give randoms words before the end of our time here.
During the first break, before it all started, I put in the time needed to learn my lines (for the holiday club) - it took most of the two hours between breakfast and our first session. At some point I shall properly start my diss research and will use one break each day for that - probably the morning time. (Uh, yeah right! That didn’t happen!!!)
Tea is at 6.15, and there is talk of a group walk this evening. Right now I’m listening as another girl practices her Clarsach for her friends wedding. Or she has just stopped it now. It was lovely - and pretty relaxing. Possibly I need to get some quiet Clarsach music for listening to for when I am stressed!
This evening was interesting. I began by chatting more fully with Esther, and then ended up down at the beech for a walk. I did cartwheels and sang on the way down to the beach and then Esther and the other staff caught up with us. I ended up being amongst the first back with Esther.
We ended up chatting with others (well, I did, Esther went off with her brother) and then downstairs.
After a bit, I ended up chatting with Caleb. He teased me for abandoning him and Zack and the rest while on the way down to the beach. One of the guys told me later, after he’d joined us, and Caleb had moved off to do something else, that he was sorry for making our 2 into 3 - leaving me wondering why - if we are talking that way, Caleb is a nice guy, but I’ve only just met him. In fact, I’d have moved on myself if I hadn’t been stopped by more teasing!
Tine went on, and as Caleb left, Heather joined us. She was feeling a bit out of sorts, and as he (Alan, the other guy) was in her church he started to encourage her. (Alan was one of the most encouraging people on the course. It was good getting to know him over the week, and meeting his wife at CLAN the following week). I got in on the act, and then fell into helping Luke with the dishes. It was good to chat to him. He is another good guy. Anyway - think its bedtime. Breakfast is at 8 tomorrow and we have sessions 10-12, and 7-9. Long afternoon break then… Possibly study time methinks.
Day 2:
How nice it is to be able to be on my own! I am having a good time, and my roommate is nice, but boy, it does make you appreciate times of solitude and quiet. Part of that is no doubt coming from the noise and clatter of the dining room. It’s odd - I don’t know if it’s the people or the set up (square table for 8), or me, but while I find that I’m ready to leave the noise I’ve finding it easier (compared to hall pmeals) to do at least a little social and feel part of the group.
There are still some folks I don’t know where to start with - but surely that has to be to do with them as well as me.
I’m finding some of this quite tiring. I’m not srue whether it’s the wear and tear of such a different situation to ‘home life’ or if it is more to do with sleep stuff. This place, however, does hold much more hope for me than the mid week weekend away did.
I’m eventually learning that the teaching times are completely mislabled. They are more to be ‘discussion groups’ than lectures. It has taken me a while to get used to it, and I think most of us are still overcoming our natural reluctance to speak out in what feels like a fairly big group - say up to 40 people, most of whom we only met a few days ago.
I know that Zack, the guy who is leading us all, finds this quite difficult, as he has decided we are not ‘morning’ people, and said yesterday that he felt we staged a sit down protest - I think that some of us were after guidance, a quiet time had set itself up and no one wanted to break through it and I at least was still getting used to the idea of the activity. It was about using taste and smell and pain senses to see what God was saying about people, and rather different to anything I have experienced before.
Today’s exercise was ‘when I look at you I see’ and we now have ‘home work’ - where each day we are to pray for words from God for 3 people. These will be given to ‘the staff’ (Zack and Caleb I guess!) who will cut them up and give each one of us our words at the end of the time.
At 1:55 I think I shall do some reading and then go see if I can meet up with people for talk. Apparently God wants to ‘Rock my World’ through this week.
Gah! Study books! I was just getting confused about a statement over the application of oil for ‘toilet purposes’. It took some time for it to hit me that it was toilet as in toiletries rather than to go to the loo! *rolls eyes*.
6/7/07
Boy! What a busy day! I did to a lot of reading yesterday afternoon. I think it was about 5:30 or later I eventually stopped and went looking for company. I ate, had the meeting, chatted with folks, had prayer time, found the computer and then headed up to my room.
Today was the same pattern for meetings, and seems to be falling into the pattern of up, dress, breakfast, quiet time, meeting… Then this afternoon I ended up with a group of folks at Largs. It was great - went for a walk, had OJ in a café, bought two tops from Happit, returned to the centre, had worship time until dinner, and now I’m about to go down to wait on the start of the next meeting. Boy, its been busy!
7/7/07
Well - I may not be about for much of today as there is talk of heading off to Troon for part of an intercessory prayer day. That started at 10 and will finish at 5.
Today there was a bit of an accountability session, where we met with 2 others from the group and admitted areas of our lives where we had issues. I ended up talking about using the comp as a daily routine and a place to hide if I knew nothing else to do with myself.
So I have been challenged to leave the comp off until, say 10am, to turn it off at the need of the day, and to have a friend to keep me accountable. I also need to attempt to put some friendship for friendships sake in the place that the computer has in my life.
I don’t see the latter challenge as very easy - it will take work. I guess it is worth giving it a go though.
Wednesday Week 2:
Well… I’m stunned. Today has been so odd. The morning was good - we’d had a session on intercessory prayer and how important it was, we then had quite a session on that. It was good. I can’t really describe what went on there. It was a deepening exercise, bent mostly on opening up the heart of God to us.
This afternoon we were to head out to Saltcoats for some practice at prophetic evangelism - only I didn’t quite get there.
Yesterday, when we went out, there was a split in the group, and Susan, who has real difficulties, ended up going off on her own and never quite getting there.
She had been hurt so much in the past that she couldn’t deal with what looked like rejection while we debated who was doing what. I was troubled by her going off all afternoon, and with my trip into Saltcoats and the darkness which exists there I found I had carried back a spirit of depression. When I realised that I dealt with it and moved on.
Today, as we got ready to leave, Susan admitted to some of the pain she had been feeling before and I tried to assure her how much I had wanted to be with her when she left. She broke down in tears, at first gently, and then more thoroughly, telling me that it wouldn’t make/have made any different. I didn’t know what else to do so aimed to comfort her. Which didn’t exactly happen!
When Colleen joined us I took her direction. I ended up leaving to join the other adults about the place and also broke down from the pain that I felt coming from her. It was like I was overwhelmed by her pain. I ended up in a car, but Ruth, my room mate and the driver suggested that I stay home.
I went for a tissue and let them organise everything. By the time I got back Colleen suggested we stay at the centre to pray - Susan had been persuaded to join the rest.
Colleen and I talked for a while and prayed, but at the end of our time together she stunned me. I’d eventually told her about the AS and she had realised that that was why I appeared to be so ‘driven’. She had been worried about that.
She had also worried that I might be anorexic, or something like that, and my room mate had thought so too. This startled me rather, but it did explain why Ruth has been so adamant that I not even consider fasting! And why she has been asking me each day whether I am having breakfast! Colleen told me they had both sensed something in me, but hadn’t known what it was.
Talking that - Tea bell has rung - I’d best go or I’ll have her worrying about me! *shock*
Fri - Clan (Sat AM)
I guess that after the last few weeks it is hardly surprising that I am not sleeping tonight. I’m overtired through running about between Clan sessions, holiday club and prophetic team. And tonights social didn’t help that much either.
I had an odd conversation with Caleb tonight! I was telling him it seemed he had a close relationship with his bro’s from what I saw of the banter on Facebook - his resp was that it could hardly be called a relationship yet! I took a double take at that and asked how he didn’t have a relationship with his brothers and it turned out he thought that I had read a later message about a girl he is interested in.
The party was good. I bumped into a mix of people from Holiday clubs people (who I went with) family the organisers (Rick said that it was a good week despite little niggles such as the weather) and Mike and Penny and church folks - what ho for Helen and Colin and Myra. Apparently John and Ginny are going on holiday this week so I will not see them. I’m sorry to hear that, but it will be good to catch up with those who are there.
Then the holiday club celebratory meal. Much excitedness and all sorts (Including being told that someone had taken me for a goth due to the colour of my hair, and my being exhausted making me terribly pale…) It was fun bumping into waitress Roxy. And Superman grace in the middle of a fairly posh restaurant… Roxannes comment - she could have given us some theological type chant of a grace (my wording, cause I’ve forgotten the exact terms she used!)
Now I’m home, failed to sleep though I’m in need of it, but hopefully this will have despoiled my mind of its busy-ness. And ‘Jump up and down’ etc will stop playing itself in my head!!!
That last was from Friday night. Since then I have spent a few days of quiet in st a. Went to my church there and caught up with a few folks, had my driving lesson home, recovered a fair bit of energy, and went to st A for dissertation books. Which reminds me, I'm meant to be reading now *runs off to hide and try and do it*