Checking out...
I feel things changing. My life has done an about-face and I'm caught off guard by what I see in the mirror. I maintain a better image. A cool, calm and collected persona. I feel detached, but it's not always a bad thing. I feel somewhat detached from what people think of me, from what my parents expect of me and from humanity in general. Maybe this is what it's like to "thicken" ones skin. I am quick to disengage.
I had always prided myself on being a good friend; and now with these new people I cannot muster up the energy to care about their problems which in my view are superficial and self-imposed. I think it's just the scar tissue. Being burned by too many people who I once considered to be close to my heart had dulled my senses.
And increased my apathy for people in general. My friends are fun to be with, and I just try not to think too much about if they are true friends or not. I try not to think about how I don't tell them my secrets, how I don't run to them when I have news, how I frequently would prefer to be alone with my thoughts.
This sounds negative, but it's not. I am making decisions based on myself. I'm learning not to depend on (most) people because they inevitably will let you down. I am going to do what I want from here on out. I miss my old friends, the ones I know are still real, would still listen to me crying at 5am.
But they're still there, and it was nice to be reminded. :)
I had always prided myself on being a good friend; and now with these new people I cannot muster up the energy to care about their problems which in my view are superficial and self-imposed. I think it's just the scar tissue. Being burned by too many people who I once considered to be close to my heart had dulled my senses.
And increased my apathy for people in general. My friends are fun to be with, and I just try not to think too much about if they are true friends or not. I try not to think about how I don't tell them my secrets, how I don't run to them when I have news, how I frequently would prefer to be alone with my thoughts.
This sounds negative, but it's not. I am making decisions based on myself. I'm learning not to depend on (most) people because they inevitably will let you down. I am going to do what I want from here on out. I miss my old friends, the ones I know are still real, would still listen to me crying at 5am.
But they're still there, and it was nice to be reminded. :)