A slippery slope
Originally published at Squigzella.com. You can comment here or there.
I’m in trouble.
Recently in a conversation with a good friend they pointed out my constant quips about my body image. This is interesting for a few reasons.
Before I lost ANY weight, I had no negative issues with my self image. I loved me for me, and the reason I started watching what I ate more closely 4 years ago was my fear of diabetes which runs in my family.
Recently I’ve been at a stand still, but I have also wanted to just eat what I want. I am totally awestruck that I don’t have to buy plus size clothes anymore. I can find clothes to fit my body at Old Navy (Size 14-16 even) and at Ricki’s and Reitmans. This is awesome. However…for some reason though I am straddling the line between 200′s and 100′s… I really feel bigger than I did when I was closer to 300 than 200…
I’ve been thinking about this long and hard. There are emotional triggers in my life which make me want to turn to sweets, greasy treats. But more so, I have a busy social life. I want to be out and on the go. The challenge here is two things: I either have to eat out because I do not live in the city, and to come home to eat to go back out is just not a wise choice, or I have to hope with some coaxing that my friends will cook something that fits into my daily eating habits. As of late, I have felt (this is completely internal, and nothing anyone has said) that it would just be a big hassle to have food prepared for me, and rude. So I just shut up and eat. I shut up and stop at McDonald’s for breakfast.
So after a good long talk with myself today. It wasn’t out loud.. don’t worry! I really need to stand up for me. I need to spend the money to buy myself the groceries I need to make my lunch all week, and if I want to go uptown and see friends at lunch, TAKE IT WITH ME! I need to make the time every night to prepare my lunch for the next day. I need to do these things for myself. I set a goal, and it isn’t so far out of reach, but I cannot get there if I don’t try, and apply myself and use the knowledge of good eating choices locked in this stubborn noggin of mine.
I love my personality, I love my whimsy, I love my smile, I love my curves. I do not love how my curves frown at me in the mirror when naked and make me feel undesirable, even if there are people who might claim otherwise. I need to buckle down and take care of me.
This is the only life, and only body I have. It’s time to find the balance. It’s time to take charge.
Here is hoping my internal pep talk and action plan are enough.
For the love of food,
~Squigzella