I hate saying goodbye.
Well, this is going to be sad. Dramatic. And emo. So I suggest everyone else should look away...
I'm freezing, and I'd love some cuddles and to share a bed right about now. I'm so cold and mopey. And my back is killing me. Why couldn't you just crawl into my suitcase and come home with me? I could have also bought a ticket for you, I still have enough for you to come home with me. Really. I do. I don't want to be home by myself.
I never had so much fun and smiled so much in a period of ten days. I wish I could have stayed there. I don't like being home. I'm so far away from you: AND IT FUCKING HURTS. I wasn't prepared to go home thinking about how depressed and heartbroken I am. It's the most excruciating thing for me right now. I wasn't emotional like this when I went home on ANY other trips. But this time I am. I'm crying more now than I have over ex boyfriends and girlfriends. Tears may not be flowing, but they are. They're silent, hidden and I'm in pain.
I found where I'm supposed to be in my life. I found the friends I'm supposed to have. I found where I'm going to live, where I'm going to stay, get a job, go back to culinary school...and maybe even make a family. God knows, I might come up there soon and find someone who will FINALLY put a baby in my stomach.
But that's then. And this is now.
And right now, I'm too preoccupied with how much it hurts being away from my semenee-san. I'm more comfortable telling you things, that I couldn't even DREAM of telling my therapist. I just want you to know that you mean more to me than anyone else ever has. Not just you. Your friends too. I never felt so welcome and so much like just another one of your "group" really. I feel so accepted. So...
I don't feel like you're rubbing your happiness in my face.
Because...I think I'm sharing in this happiness too. And I love it.
I love calling you and hearing the POTC theme, and going "dammit, Niki. Pick up."
Though, it hurts a little when you don't pick up...makes me feel just a little paranoid...
Like, what you were doing yesterday with Mr. Nine-Calls...I'm afraid you're saying "I don't want to talk to Anna right now."
That's one reason I'm crying a bit...Because I don't want you to think "I don't want to talk to Anna."
I want to be someone that you like. Someone that you don't want to ignore. Someone you can be proud of sharing a bed with and snuggling with to Alexander all night. (And Greece still says that the Persian boy looks like Sadiq.)
And...I'm so scared that this won't be able to stay what it is right now. I love being around you. I love being around your friends. And I hope that I finally found the place I'm meant to be. I keep getting dragged back to Manchester, New Hampshire. Whether it's for cons, ex-girlfriends and boyfriends, or just friends. This was my forth trip to New Hampshire in a year and a half.
I'm hoping that...you're still up for getting an apartment with me when I move up there. Because...if you, me and Renee all decide to get an apartment together (Yes, Tsuna-chan, I am talking about you too.), we could get one of those fancy ones with the pool and workout center built in. Wouldn't that actually sound good? I mean, if all three of us pitch in, we could get one of those places for $400 or something a month. And they probably have really basic apartments for cheaper prices. I mean, if they're 1300 a month, and you said that they're REALLY nice, that probably means that they're multi-bedroom, (like, maybe 3 or something), kitchen, bathroom, living room, dining room and maybe...something else. But we'd only need a two bedroom probably, with a kitchen, bathroom and living room. Even if we couldn't get one of those nice fancy ones, we could still get an apartment that could accomodate just us perfectly fine. I mean, I don't take up a lot of space. You know that from experience. My whole life fits into a suitcase, a backpack and a purse. Okay, well, maybe there's a forth bag, but I don't have a lot of stuff. Give me my movies, my laptop, books, and pillows and I'm quite happy. My luxuries are basically...video games. You saw that. I bought a DS finally.
But Leo misses Byakuran. And I'm sure Byakuran misses Leo. I miss shoveling your driveway and cooking at your house. I miss your car and it's faint pineapple scent. I miss breaking down in Rob's house from a panic attack/flashback combination, and you being there to just make it all better. I haven't gotten violent during one of those...in my life, really...and I'm so fucking fortunate that I didn't hurt anyone. To know that I kept yelling at you to let go of the knife because I was afraid you were hurting yourself...But I miss that feeling already...knowing that you won't leave me. I'm finally sure that someone I've met isn't going to turn their back on me. I think my need to stay with you has to do with the fact...I need someone like you to be there around me to keep my happy. To keep my mind away from the pain that comes when I lapse into a flashback. I've been looking for someone like that for the longest time. And I've finally found them.
Thank you.
I want to fall asleep in your bed again. Next to you. You're just as snuggly and cuddly as I am. And...I miss that already. I'm just sitting on the couch, blanket wrapped around me, thinking to myself why I'm not in your room, hiding under your blankets in your closet.
I miss you. A lot. And already.
Aishiteru~
Sorry, I forgot to write these all down for you, but here, I can write them here:
Chicken Fajita Soup
Ingredients: Chicken tenders or breasts, green and/or red peppers, hot sauce, five cans chicken broth, two cups water, corn, black beans, white onion. Spices: curry powder or chili powde
1. Cook off chicken with either a poach or quick fry.
2. Saute peppers, onion and corn. (Do not saute corn if it's canned)
3. Heat--not boil--chicken broth and water.
4. Pour in black beans (canned suggested), and corn (if canned), let simmer for five minutes.
5. Dice chicken and put in pot, along with sauted vegetables.
6. Let simmer 45 minutes.
7. Add desired amount of hotsauce, chili powder/curry powder
8. Simmer as desired.
Prep time: 20 minutes.
It's simple enough for you to just quickly prepare, then everything can be thrown into a crock pot or on a pot on the stove and let sit there all day. Depending on how much hotsauce you put in, the longer you simmer, the spicier it will be. Not horribly spicy though.
Chicken Noodle
Ingredients: Chicken breasts/tenders, corn, celery, carrots, peas. Used either chicken base or chicken broth to make desired amount of broth.
1. Poach or fry chicken.
2. Chop vegetables.
3. Heat chicken brother/chicken base
4. Throw everything in pot.
5. Let sit for 20 minutes.
Easy. Done fast. The only annoying part is chopping carrots and celery.
Peas and Macaroni Soup
Ingredients: Ditalini pasta, big can of tomato Puree, six cans chicken broth, two cans of baby peas, parmesean cheese.
1. Pour tomato puree and chicken broth into pot, and put on medium heat.
2. Boil water for Ditalini
3. When tomato puree and broth is hot, pour in cans of peas.
4. When Ditalini is done, add to tomato puree/broth/peas.
5. Add desired amount of parmesean cheese.
This soup WILL thicken depending on the amount of cheese put in. AND, after removing from heat and refridgerating, it will also thicken. It is recommended to put extra cheese on when eating. Think of it like...Spaghetti Sauce soup.
Pea Soup
Ingredients: 6-8 cans Chicken broth, dried split peas, ham or turkey ham, carrots, celery, onion
1. Soak dried peas in chicken broth for an hour or so before starting.
2. Put broth on medium-high heat.
3. Mash peas when soft, then add chopped carrots, celery and onion
4. Let simmer until all is soft.
5. Add ham.
6. Let simmer for 45 minutes.
I know, you were mentioning pea soup the other day, but you don't need to use four week old ham! 8D
I think that's really all I have from memory right now, but if you want more, go ahead and let me know.
I really do miss you though.
Also, turn your phones ringer back on.
I'm freezing, and I'd love some cuddles and to share a bed right about now. I'm so cold and mopey. And my back is killing me. Why couldn't you just crawl into my suitcase and come home with me? I could have also bought a ticket for you, I still have enough for you to come home with me. Really. I do. I don't want to be home by myself.
I never had so much fun and smiled so much in a period of ten days. I wish I could have stayed there. I don't like being home. I'm so far away from you: AND IT FUCKING HURTS. I wasn't prepared to go home thinking about how depressed and heartbroken I am. It's the most excruciating thing for me right now. I wasn't emotional like this when I went home on ANY other trips. But this time I am. I'm crying more now than I have over ex boyfriends and girlfriends. Tears may not be flowing, but they are. They're silent, hidden and I'm in pain.
I found where I'm supposed to be in my life. I found the friends I'm supposed to have. I found where I'm going to live, where I'm going to stay, get a job, go back to culinary school...and maybe even make a family. God knows, I might come up there soon and find someone who will FINALLY put a baby in my stomach.
But that's then. And this is now.
And right now, I'm too preoccupied with how much it hurts being away from my semenee-san. I'm more comfortable telling you things, that I couldn't even DREAM of telling my therapist. I just want you to know that you mean more to me than anyone else ever has. Not just you. Your friends too. I never felt so welcome and so much like just another one of your "group" really. I feel so accepted. So...
I don't feel like you're rubbing your happiness in my face.
Because...I think I'm sharing in this happiness too. And I love it.
I love calling you and hearing the POTC theme, and going "dammit, Niki. Pick up."
Though, it hurts a little when you don't pick up...makes me feel just a little paranoid...
Like, what you were doing yesterday with Mr. Nine-Calls...I'm afraid you're saying "I don't want to talk to Anna right now."
That's one reason I'm crying a bit...Because I don't want you to think "I don't want to talk to Anna."
I want to be someone that you like. Someone that you don't want to ignore. Someone you can be proud of sharing a bed with and snuggling with to Alexander all night. (And Greece still says that the Persian boy looks like Sadiq.)
And...I'm so scared that this won't be able to stay what it is right now. I love being around you. I love being around your friends. And I hope that I finally found the place I'm meant to be. I keep getting dragged back to Manchester, New Hampshire. Whether it's for cons, ex-girlfriends and boyfriends, or just friends. This was my forth trip to New Hampshire in a year and a half.
I'm hoping that...you're still up for getting an apartment with me when I move up there. Because...if you, me and Renee all decide to get an apartment together (Yes, Tsuna-chan, I am talking about you too.), we could get one of those fancy ones with the pool and workout center built in. Wouldn't that actually sound good? I mean, if all three of us pitch in, we could get one of those places for $400 or something a month. And they probably have really basic apartments for cheaper prices. I mean, if they're 1300 a month, and you said that they're REALLY nice, that probably means that they're multi-bedroom, (like, maybe 3 or something), kitchen, bathroom, living room, dining room and maybe...something else. But we'd only need a two bedroom probably, with a kitchen, bathroom and living room. Even if we couldn't get one of those nice fancy ones, we could still get an apartment that could accomodate just us perfectly fine. I mean, I don't take up a lot of space. You know that from experience. My whole life fits into a suitcase, a backpack and a purse. Okay, well, maybe there's a forth bag, but I don't have a lot of stuff. Give me my movies, my laptop, books, and pillows and I'm quite happy. My luxuries are basically...video games. You saw that. I bought a DS finally.
But Leo misses Byakuran. And I'm sure Byakuran misses Leo. I miss shoveling your driveway and cooking at your house. I miss your car and it's faint pineapple scent. I miss breaking down in Rob's house from a panic attack/flashback combination, and you being there to just make it all better. I haven't gotten violent during one of those...in my life, really...and I'm so fucking fortunate that I didn't hurt anyone. To know that I kept yelling at you to let go of the knife because I was afraid you were hurting yourself...But I miss that feeling already...knowing that you won't leave me. I'm finally sure that someone I've met isn't going to turn their back on me. I think my need to stay with you has to do with the fact...I need someone like you to be there around me to keep my happy. To keep my mind away from the pain that comes when I lapse into a flashback. I've been looking for someone like that for the longest time. And I've finally found them.
Thank you.
I want to fall asleep in your bed again. Next to you. You're just as snuggly and cuddly as I am. And...I miss that already. I'm just sitting on the couch, blanket wrapped around me, thinking to myself why I'm not in your room, hiding under your blankets in your closet.
I miss you. A lot. And already.
Aishiteru~
Sorry, I forgot to write these all down for you, but here, I can write them here:
Chicken Fajita Soup
Ingredients: Chicken tenders or breasts, green and/or red peppers, hot sauce, five cans chicken broth, two cups water, corn, black beans, white onion. Spices: curry powder or chili powde
1. Cook off chicken with either a poach or quick fry.
2. Saute peppers, onion and corn. (Do not saute corn if it's canned)
3. Heat--not boil--chicken broth and water.
4. Pour in black beans (canned suggested), and corn (if canned), let simmer for five minutes.
5. Dice chicken and put in pot, along with sauted vegetables.
6. Let simmer 45 minutes.
7. Add desired amount of hotsauce, chili powder/curry powder
8. Simmer as desired.
Prep time: 20 minutes.
It's simple enough for you to just quickly prepare, then everything can be thrown into a crock pot or on a pot on the stove and let sit there all day. Depending on how much hotsauce you put in, the longer you simmer, the spicier it will be. Not horribly spicy though.
Chicken Noodle
Ingredients: Chicken breasts/tenders, corn, celery, carrots, peas. Used either chicken base or chicken broth to make desired amount of broth.
1. Poach or fry chicken.
2. Chop vegetables.
3. Heat chicken brother/chicken base
4. Throw everything in pot.
5. Let sit for 20 minutes.
Easy. Done fast. The only annoying part is chopping carrots and celery.
Peas and Macaroni Soup
Ingredients: Ditalini pasta, big can of tomato Puree, six cans chicken broth, two cans of baby peas, parmesean cheese.
1. Pour tomato puree and chicken broth into pot, and put on medium heat.
2. Boil water for Ditalini
3. When tomato puree and broth is hot, pour in cans of peas.
4. When Ditalini is done, add to tomato puree/broth/peas.
5. Add desired amount of parmesean cheese.
This soup WILL thicken depending on the amount of cheese put in. AND, after removing from heat and refridgerating, it will also thicken. It is recommended to put extra cheese on when eating. Think of it like...Spaghetti Sauce soup.
Pea Soup
Ingredients: 6-8 cans Chicken broth, dried split peas, ham or turkey ham, carrots, celery, onion
1. Soak dried peas in chicken broth for an hour or so before starting.
2. Put broth on medium-high heat.
3. Mash peas when soft, then add chopped carrots, celery and onion
4. Let simmer until all is soft.
5. Add ham.
6. Let simmer for 45 minutes.
I know, you were mentioning pea soup the other day, but you don't need to use four week old ham! 8D
I think that's really all I have from memory right now, but if you want more, go ahead and let me know.
I really do miss you though.
Also, turn your phones ringer back on.