A Few Things That Make Me Feel Good About Myself
-that I don't waste a lot of time watching TV or playing video games
-that my mistakes have given me some degree of insight into things, where others cannot see
-that I have a mind that can integrate spiritual ideas with an existentialist method and thus, not devolve into vapid superstition, nor vapid nihilism
-that I have not yet caved in to cynicism
-that when seeing people do things that don't make sense, I look for an emotion, rather than writing them off as "stupid"
-that I don't routinely refer to other gay men as "fags" and that I only occasionally prefer the word "queer" but more commonly embrace "gay", which is the most positive and affirming word I've heard so far to describe my kind
-that I am a work in progress and since all of life is a process of development, this is natural and in proper alignment
-that I can feel empathy for others
-that I did, finally get "connected" as it were, even if that connection is hard to maintain and that this connection allows me to function harmoniously without the need for philosophy or other cerebral props (in other words, I don't have to sit and rationalize my value and purpose in life, or of life itself)
-that I am no longer enslaved to debt
-more recently, that I've finally adjusted my thinking to understand my "art" as a simple self indulgence...a narcissism...rather than a gift of "great vision" to the world, and that my real contribution to the well being of others must and will occur in other, less glamorous ways
-that I've aged well, haven't gotten fat or lost a lot of hair, am basically holding up pretty well, relatively speaking
-that I actually survived turning 30, which I once never thought I would
-that I have an ultimate goal of choosing my time, place and manner of my own death
-that I am NOT, as of this date, smoking pot on a daily basis and, indeed, have not smoked for at least a month
-that I don't drive a car or do a lot of airplane flying, have reduced the amount of plastic I use, and am generally not as dependent upon technology as many other people are
-that I am capable of seeing myself in others...particularly in their faults
-that, although I have strong emotions and occasionally go through steep turns of depression, I refuse to blame it all on some disorder
-that I can see clearly, that the era of genuine gay pride is over and the era of gay shame has infected most gay men, and that I can feel sadness, instead of condemnation and contempt
-that I don't feel all that burdened by allowing my sexual identity to be so prominent in my overall identity, since sexuality permeates all areas of the personality in the same way the Central Nervous System permeates all other areas of the body (that, by the way, is backed up by research and development in neuroscience). Being "wired differently" makes me more aware of this and this is natural, not dysfunctional
-that most guys seem to find me pretty good in bed
-that I have relatively few enemies
-that I can forgive...even if not right away
-that I don't have dreams about fighting battles I cannot win, trying to force square pegs into round holes or other exercises in futility
-that I've learned it's okay to drop the sword and still keep my honor
-that I'm happy with having virtually no social life, rather than a social life that revolves around going to bars and/or getting drunk
-that, although I do get angry from time to time, I am no longer living in constant anger, resentment and unrest, and even have great moments of ecstatic rapture (which is to say, a sense of value and purpose and importance in life itself and a tremendous feeling of joy , without the use of drugs or alcohol)
-that, even though I am still scattered, I am BECOMING more focused
-that my mistakes have given me some degree of insight into things, where others cannot see
-that I have a mind that can integrate spiritual ideas with an existentialist method and thus, not devolve into vapid superstition, nor vapid nihilism
-that I have not yet caved in to cynicism
-that when seeing people do things that don't make sense, I look for an emotion, rather than writing them off as "stupid"
-that I don't routinely refer to other gay men as "fags" and that I only occasionally prefer the word "queer" but more commonly embrace "gay", which is the most positive and affirming word I've heard so far to describe my kind
-that I am a work in progress and since all of life is a process of development, this is natural and in proper alignment
-that I can feel empathy for others
-that I did, finally get "connected" as it were, even if that connection is hard to maintain and that this connection allows me to function harmoniously without the need for philosophy or other cerebral props (in other words, I don't have to sit and rationalize my value and purpose in life, or of life itself)
-that I am no longer enslaved to debt
-more recently, that I've finally adjusted my thinking to understand my "art" as a simple self indulgence...a narcissism...rather than a gift of "great vision" to the world, and that my real contribution to the well being of others must and will occur in other, less glamorous ways
-that I've aged well, haven't gotten fat or lost a lot of hair, am basically holding up pretty well, relatively speaking
-that I actually survived turning 30, which I once never thought I would
-that I have an ultimate goal of choosing my time, place and manner of my own death
-that I am NOT, as of this date, smoking pot on a daily basis and, indeed, have not smoked for at least a month
-that I don't drive a car or do a lot of airplane flying, have reduced the amount of plastic I use, and am generally not as dependent upon technology as many other people are
-that I am capable of seeing myself in others...particularly in their faults
-that, although I have strong emotions and occasionally go through steep turns of depression, I refuse to blame it all on some disorder
-that I can see clearly, that the era of genuine gay pride is over and the era of gay shame has infected most gay men, and that I can feel sadness, instead of condemnation and contempt
-that I don't feel all that burdened by allowing my sexual identity to be so prominent in my overall identity, since sexuality permeates all areas of the personality in the same way the Central Nervous System permeates all other areas of the body (that, by the way, is backed up by research and development in neuroscience). Being "wired differently" makes me more aware of this and this is natural, not dysfunctional
-that most guys seem to find me pretty good in bed
-that I have relatively few enemies
-that I can forgive...even if not right away
-that I don't have dreams about fighting battles I cannot win, trying to force square pegs into round holes or other exercises in futility
-that I've learned it's okay to drop the sword and still keep my honor
-that I'm happy with having virtually no social life, rather than a social life that revolves around going to bars and/or getting drunk
-that, although I do get angry from time to time, I am no longer living in constant anger, resentment and unrest, and even have great moments of ecstatic rapture (which is to say, a sense of value and purpose and importance in life itself and a tremendous feeling of joy , without the use of drugs or alcohol)
-that, even though I am still scattered, I am BECOMING more focused