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I had a dream
& then I woke up.
It was a very important dream. A dream I've had several times now but something twice forgotten. God I wish I could remember it.
I woke up today several times because of my cat. I believe he picks the worst times to wake me up. Just when I've found the answers I've been searching for, they're in my grasp! and then "MEOW MEOW MEOW." Scratching at my door can be heard. Then the soft thump of paws landing on my bed. I hiss at him and roll over for some more sleep but he starts clawing at my window blinds. It's enough to make me cry.
I stayed in bed for hours just feeling. I woke up with that terrible sense of dread. It scares me. I just want to stop whatever I am doing and cry. I was thinking about The Fox and the Hound. I fell asleep to the ending.
"You're my best friend Copper!"
"You're mine too Tod!"
"Copper? I hope we'll always be best friends."
"Me too Tod."
The thing is they moved away from each other and grew up. The fox and the hound were no longer childhood friends but mortal enemies. It's funny how life is like that at times. (not really) I feel like my life is slowly turning out to be something like the fox and the hound. I'm losing everyone I know to the world's mechanical ways. It's like we all flow into some timeless stream of adulthood and forget who we wanted to be when we grew up. Who in their right mind what's to be like their wife beating father?
Or maybe I am just thinking too much.
Or maybe I'm just tired.
I have friends. I love Ben and Hannah. I love the other nameless ones as well. They are just as important. But I feel like I don't really matter to them. Ben and Hannah don't know me and do I want them to know me? No. No I fucking don't so then why complain? ugh. I'm just in a blind rage! I want to break things and cry. I want to scream and shout. Cut and starve. I don't want to do any of this in the end either.
& then I woke up.
It was a very important dream. A dream I've had several times now but something twice forgotten. God I wish I could remember it.
I woke up today several times because of my cat. I believe he picks the worst times to wake me up. Just when I've found the answers I've been searching for, they're in my grasp! and then "MEOW MEOW MEOW." Scratching at my door can be heard. Then the soft thump of paws landing on my bed. I hiss at him and roll over for some more sleep but he starts clawing at my window blinds. It's enough to make me cry.
I stayed in bed for hours just feeling. I woke up with that terrible sense of dread. It scares me. I just want to stop whatever I am doing and cry. I was thinking about The Fox and the Hound. I fell asleep to the ending.
"You're my best friend Copper!"
"You're mine too Tod!"
"Copper? I hope we'll always be best friends."
"Me too Tod."
The thing is they moved away from each other and grew up. The fox and the hound were no longer childhood friends but mortal enemies. It's funny how life is like that at times. (not really) I feel like my life is slowly turning out to be something like the fox and the hound. I'm losing everyone I know to the world's mechanical ways. It's like we all flow into some timeless stream of adulthood and forget who we wanted to be when we grew up. Who in their right mind what's to be like their wife beating father?
Or maybe I am just thinking too much.
Or maybe I'm just tired.
I have friends. I love Ben and Hannah. I love the other nameless ones as well. They are just as important. But I feel like I don't really matter to them. Ben and Hannah don't know me and do I want them to know me? No. No I fucking don't so then why complain? ugh. I'm just in a blind rage! I want to break things and cry. I want to scream and shout. Cut and starve. I don't want to do any of this in the end either.