So, who would win, you know, in a fight?
Now is the time to speak up;
Who would win the following bouts.
Gamera vs. Microsoft
Andre The Giant vs. Steven Segal
Rodan vs. a cabbage with grubs in it
a walrus vs. a gorilla on amphetmines (submitted by scumm_boyfoam vs. gel ( Read more... )
Who would win the following bouts.
Gamera vs. Microsoft
Andre The Giant vs. Steven Segal
Rodan vs. a cabbage with grubs in it
a walrus vs. a gorilla on amphetmines (submitted by scumm_boyfoam vs. gel ( Read more... )
Gamera vs. Microsoft
Unknown to all, the initial DOS OS, still serving as the lizard hind-brain equivalent for all subsecquent microsoft apps, was coded by an obscure cult that worshipped Gamera, and who had originally attempted to foster their own turtle-based OS (LOGO actually stood for Last of Gamera's Offspring). Worshipping the turtle/tortoise as they did, Turtle can still go Left, Right and Right Through all Microsoft apps and endeavours.
Point to Gamera.
Andre The Giant vs. Steven Segal
After his acting debut in Princess Bride, Andre the Giant realized that he would have to be less obvious in his physical prowess to be viewed as a potential character to be sympathized with. Faking his own death, he spent all his wrestling gains on a radical new gene-therapy treatment that transformed himn into a leaner martial artist. He took the name Steven Segal as an hommage to his childhood spent sweeping up breadbrumbs before the seagulls could get them.
As the teachers have said, a man can only truly be defeated by himself, and as such, it would be a tie, mutual win, and mutual l,oss, as he battled himself to a final ending-place of satori and bad dialogue.
Rodan vs. a cabbage with grubs in it
Rodan, cuz really, it's a fucking cabbage, and it's already been defeated by the grubs.
a walrus vs. a gorilla on amphetmines
Recent studies have proven definitively that gorillas are highly allergic to amphetamines and derivative stimulants. Consequently, while the walrus might be crushed by the spasmin gorilla in its death throes, I believe the final match will go to the walrus. Of course, it will still be harvested by the victorious cabbage, as part of the beautiful cycle of life.
foam vs. gel
Interestingly, by adding the letter 'Y', which as everyone knows is a kabbalistically pure number, and thus serves to bring out the true essence of that onto which it is applied (for example, adding 'Y to 'Tim" gives us 'Timmy' - allowing for spelling - which reveals the inner child), we see that the tru fight is between 'Foamy' and 'Gelly'. This teaches us that the tru fight is between Foamyt the Squirrel and either Uri Geller after a bad accident, or the members of Green Jelly, who are such pansies that they changed their name after a threating letter from Bill Cosby. Foamy wins.
apples vs. oranges
Ahhh...Apple, before the model ate the brans, and the worm swallowed the snake's tail...the symbol of the fall and the sanke. Oranges..thicker of skin, but more easily smooched inside, a bushel of apples vs. a crate of oranges would truly be a match.
I tested this by taking one sample of each fruit, placing them in a temporal accelerator until a million years had passed, and then opening it up and feeding the results to a passing hobo. The apple did nothing, but the bacteria inside the orange had fed and grown and mutated into a small cizilization that screamed their outrage and horror through the hobos ears as they rushed towards their doom in his inside. As his eyes swelled up with blood, he passed on their curses unto all eternity towards apples.
Apples still being extant, even after the death-curse of hyper-evolved orange-worms, I declare them the winner, as well as a tasty summer treat.
Captain Copywrite vs. Captain Canuck
Fft. Who cares.
Hate vs. Sponge Toffee
Hate leads to Rage, and Rage, being a hungry sorta guy, would prolly eat the toffee.
A bulldozer vs. Mel Lastman
Squoosh is a pretty sound. Let's find out together shall we?
Hercules vs. A Hydrogen Bomb
Hercules himself might not be quite strong enough to defeat it, but Newton, of course, being an unsung genius named after Sir Isaac Newton, would be able to call upon his name-father's shade, and together, they would cobble together a centaur-poop powered energy damping field that would allow Herc to safely grab the bom and throw it far far from the halls of Olympus, once more saving the day! Herculeeeeees!
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Just goes to show, Canadian cartoons are better than Greece.
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Bah.
HERCULEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!!!
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OMGWTFBBQ!
You forgot ass sex! And the Isle of Lesbos!
You ACTUALLY FORGOT lesbians! AND ass sex!
It's....it's like I don't even know you anymore! *cries*
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