take back the year
I'm tired of having to always explain myself to other people.
I'm tired of doing things because I'm afraid others might think, or say, that I'm olats.
I'm tired of being Miss Take-One-For-the-Team.
I don't care graduation is two months away. You think I'll be able to do the stuff necessary to graduate, with this on my mind?
It's my body, goddamn it, and these are my reproductive organs at stake here. My child-bearing capacity. My chances at becoming a mother.
I don't care if that's selfish.
I don't care if this is not what you would do.
I need a break because I have a fucking tumour in my body and no, I am not going to delay an operation to have it removed because "sayang naman" or "graduate ka na" or "malapit na revalida" or "if you leave then we'll have one less person to go on duty" (yes, someone actually fucking said that, I have a goddamned tumour in my body and what people care about is that they'll be short of manpower when I leave).
So I finish med school when I'm twenty-four instead of twenty-three. Is that so bad?
I think that's a whole site better than me delaying this operation and (1) bleeding profusely enough to go into shock or (2) having the tumour rupture and seed my entire peritoneal cavity and quite possibly end up having BOTH my ovaries AND my uterus removed.
God, I wish the world would give me a break. Just once. Just once.
I'm tired of doing things because I'm afraid others might think, or say, that I'm olats.
I'm tired of being Miss Take-One-For-the-Team.
I don't care graduation is two months away. You think I'll be able to do the stuff necessary to graduate, with this on my mind?
It's my body, goddamn it, and these are my reproductive organs at stake here. My child-bearing capacity. My chances at becoming a mother.
I don't care if that's selfish.
I don't care if this is not what you would do.
I need a break because I have a fucking tumour in my body and no, I am not going to delay an operation to have it removed because "sayang naman" or "graduate ka na" or "malapit na revalida" or "if you leave then we'll have one less person to go on duty" (yes, someone actually fucking said that, I have a goddamned tumour in my body and what people care about is that they'll be short of manpower when I leave).
So I finish med school when I'm twenty-four instead of twenty-three. Is that so bad?
I think that's a whole site better than me delaying this operation and (1) bleeding profusely enough to go into shock or (2) having the tumour rupture and seed my entire peritoneal cavity and quite possibly end up having BOTH my ovaries AND my uterus removed.
God, I wish the world would give me a break. Just once. Just once.