Benefits
I've always hated the fact that I have to live 2 lives. It was frustrating and troublesome. But now after so many years, it is starting to pay off and feel good. I have had a good last 2 days, despite having to tell a lie and see my grandmother cry. I took a very relaxing walk, and it actually made me feel good, despite the knowledge that when it was over things would return to normal. I would have to rejoin reality, and again leave the fantasy that I sometimes play in my head. Managed to produce concern for someone. Tried to talk to this person about some of my problems. It didn't work. He spoke only of the dead. Watched the doors with some friends. Was up too late and up too early. Now I am living this day in the fog of yesterday. Living in that fog. Knowing what was real and only remembering it as a dream is a huge comfort to me. After all it is a dream. Makes it better and easier to remember it as one. As for my brain problems, I have crafted a ver convincing mask of sanity and only open up to a few people about the truth. Now I go to dwell in my fantasies. The only thing that keeps me human. It doesn't look so bad from a distance. But I have to live with it.