Two Fails and a Success
It's that time of year where life can go from the sublime to the ridiculous in the seconds it takes to type that well used phrase.
I was prompted to write tonight because of an email sent to me out of the blue. I hadn't heard from this person in over a year, but that wasn't the surprise, the subject of the email wasn't a surprise either.....but the content and tone were certainly a surprise. But I get ahead of myself......
first fail........I managed to throw away $100's - literally.......no, I really mean it, I actually threw away a $100 bank note into the rubbish bin without realising it. My generous mother had wrapped the note around a Mars bar, then wrapped said scrummy bar in some tissue with a ribbon. I unwrapped the present, but only from one end, and pulled the Mars bar out, not realising that the note was even there. This was on a wednesday, the rubbish was bagged up on a thursday, collected on friday, but I didn't find out about the loss of the note until a week later. My mother hadn't queried why I hadn't thanked her for her christmas present other than to say that the Mars bar was very tasty. *heads desk* I have no idea why my mother thought I was such a heartless what-name not to thank her for the money right away, and in fact left it another week to tax me about it, but I can tell you it came as quite a shock. Usually Mum just puts the note inside a christmas card, or directly into my account...which I why I didn't twig that there was anything unusual about receiving a wrapped Mars bar.....
live and learn
the success........18months ago my daughter was groomed by a 32 yr old man and then indecently assaulted by him. She was 13, just turned 14 at the time. It went before the police, but the evidence was slim, but as time went by the case was finally put forward for a defended hearing over two days before the end of the year. The defendant had several hearings in the Auckland courts and I was informed of the progress by the victim support person down there (the wonderful Sharon). The perp had admitted to 99% of the details already submitted by my daughter, confessing all to the arresting officer - I can only assume he arrogantly thought that it would never come to trial. *loser*.....
But he wouldn't plead guilty and kept pushing for a court appearance. It was never going to go before a jury, but we were looking at a two day defended hearing with my daughter giving evidence over CCTV and being exposed to a cross examination from the defense lawyer - something the investigating officer wanted to avoid, because of the stress it placed on my daughter.
Everything was set to go ahead. We had a visit to the court house, and a visit from the prosecuting officer to go over her testimony and revisit the transcripts of her initial video interviews taken at the time of the assault. The police officer handling our case, Dave, had suggested that proposing a different 'charge' would possibly mean that my daughter would not be put through the ordeal of the trial. The penalty for the charge would be the same as unlawful connection with a minor, but would be called indecent assault instead. It was up to the defendant to decide whether to accept the change of charge and plea, or push ahead with the hearing in front of a judge.
It came down to the wire. The CCTV was all set up, everyone was there to support my daughter, including me, Russell the prosecuting officer, Dave the investigating officer etc etc. At one stage it looked like the defendant was going to be late for the hearing, which would have meant his arrest, but he turned up at the last gasp, and after a session with his lawyer he accepted the change of charge - and voila, the case was all over after only an hour!! He was remanded on bail for sentencing in February. And we could all go home.
I class it as a Christmas miracle that my daughter was spared the ordeal and it all wrapped up within the minimum of time. Everyone was very happy with the outcome, the case was concluded to everyone's satisfaction and we can now move on and put it all behind us.
I have a feeling that the defendant may have thought that if he pushed for a defended hearing that my daughter would cave and not go through with it, collapsing the case, but when push came to shove and she was obviously ready to see it through to the bitter end, he decided to cut his losses and not risk the judge awarding a possibly harsher penalty for his perversion.
So, a merry christmas all ways round.
but wait.......what of the second fail, I hear you say?
that happened tonight, and you know what they say about timing it everything? My mother happened to be in the room, looking over my shoulder when I checked my emails and this lovely epistle presented itself for my illumination.
To set the scene - I had sent an email to my ex-parents-in-law who I speak to on several occasions during the year, and in fact spoke to my daughter only a few days before. I had sent them copies of her school report, as well as scans of her certificates. I had addressed the email to them with an explanation of the contents as well as some latest news of success for my other daughter. During the year I often sent the grandparents emails with photo's of the girls and updates on their progress or contact information - we have a fairly amicable relationship and we're always polite and interested in what's going on in our respective families.
Anyway - I sent a CC copy of the email to my ex, as he would have received a copy of the school report, but not the certificates, or know about her awards from the Sea Cadets, or the recent news about his other daughter sucesses. I had also sent him and his new family a christmas card, nothing gushy, but signed by myself and my daughter. Despite the acrimonious court case settled finally last year, I considered it only fair to keep the lines of communication open, keep him up to date with his daughters progress with no expectation of a reply or anything in return.
so it was some surprise when I received the following -
Louise (that's me)
It is time you moved on with your life and accepted that you have no reason to contact, Cc emails or send Christmas cards to any of us. You are very much an ex wife. You are not a friend or part of our family any more. As you well know P********* college sends me Z**'s reports and if Z** or E*** want to share their lives with us they are more than capable of making contact on their own. Your card has gone in the bin,just like the one the year before and any more that should choose to send.
A*** and B****** (his new wife's parents) do not want to have anything to do with you. K**** (his wife) has made it clear what she thinks of you. I do not want K**** (his daughter age 5) to ever have to experience your toxic behaviour. My mum and Dad tolerate you if it means they will have contact with E*** and Z** (we all had a good laugh about your reaction when Gary tuned up at their house with E***). And I think you are pathetic. Your lying and alienating behaviour over the past six years has put paid to any chance that we can have an amicable relationship for the sake of our daughters.
Unless E*** or Z** are seriously injured, dead or you are informing me that Z** has moved out of home you have no further reason to contact us. I pay my child support and you are not going to get anything more out of me. We have been divorced longer than we were married, we live on different islands and the girls are doing their own things. Your communications are not necessary or welcome.
If you do not understand this print if off and take it to your counsellor, priest or lawyer to explain it to you.
G****, K**** and K***
wasn't that a lovely letter? they say that writing, more often than not, tends to reflect the writer, and in this instance the mirror is firmly held up to his narrow, close-minded, unsympathetic, selfish attitude. The words positively drip venom - but I can honestly say that it doesn't upset me any more. I feel profoundly sorry for the this sad example of mankind and know that such bitterness and resentment is not healthy or productive. I could go in to detail about all the things wrong in this missive, but what would be the point. It will always be - he said, she said. What a sad, sad little man.
*deep sigh*
But, all grinchiness aside.....Merry Christmas every one......I hope you all have a wonderful holiday. I know that we are looking forward to a new year with nothing hanging over us, for a change, and I wish for the same to everyone. Prosperity and Good health to all.....
even him.
and what is up with LJ and it's stupid coding? *duh*
I was prompted to write tonight because of an email sent to me out of the blue. I hadn't heard from this person in over a year, but that wasn't the surprise, the subject of the email wasn't a surprise either.....but the content and tone were certainly a surprise. But I get ahead of myself......
first fail........I managed to throw away $100's - literally.......no, I really mean it, I actually threw away a $100 bank note into the rubbish bin without realising it. My generous mother had wrapped the note around a Mars bar, then wrapped said scrummy bar in some tissue with a ribbon. I unwrapped the present, but only from one end, and pulled the Mars bar out, not realising that the note was even there. This was on a wednesday, the rubbish was bagged up on a thursday, collected on friday, but I didn't find out about the loss of the note until a week later. My mother hadn't queried why I hadn't thanked her for her christmas present other than to say that the Mars bar was very tasty. *heads desk* I have no idea why my mother thought I was such a heartless what-name not to thank her for the money right away, and in fact left it another week to tax me about it, but I can tell you it came as quite a shock. Usually Mum just puts the note inside a christmas card, or directly into my account...which I why I didn't twig that there was anything unusual about receiving a wrapped Mars bar.....
live and learn
the success........18months ago my daughter was groomed by a 32 yr old man and then indecently assaulted by him. She was 13, just turned 14 at the time. It went before the police, but the evidence was slim, but as time went by the case was finally put forward for a defended hearing over two days before the end of the year. The defendant had several hearings in the Auckland courts and I was informed of the progress by the victim support person down there (the wonderful Sharon). The perp had admitted to 99% of the details already submitted by my daughter, confessing all to the arresting officer - I can only assume he arrogantly thought that it would never come to trial. *loser*.....
But he wouldn't plead guilty and kept pushing for a court appearance. It was never going to go before a jury, but we were looking at a two day defended hearing with my daughter giving evidence over CCTV and being exposed to a cross examination from the defense lawyer - something the investigating officer wanted to avoid, because of the stress it placed on my daughter.
Everything was set to go ahead. We had a visit to the court house, and a visit from the prosecuting officer to go over her testimony and revisit the transcripts of her initial video interviews taken at the time of the assault. The police officer handling our case, Dave, had suggested that proposing a different 'charge' would possibly mean that my daughter would not be put through the ordeal of the trial. The penalty for the charge would be the same as unlawful connection with a minor, but would be called indecent assault instead. It was up to the defendant to decide whether to accept the change of charge and plea, or push ahead with the hearing in front of a judge.
It came down to the wire. The CCTV was all set up, everyone was there to support my daughter, including me, Russell the prosecuting officer, Dave the investigating officer etc etc. At one stage it looked like the defendant was going to be late for the hearing, which would have meant his arrest, but he turned up at the last gasp, and after a session with his lawyer he accepted the change of charge - and voila, the case was all over after only an hour!! He was remanded on bail for sentencing in February. And we could all go home.
I class it as a Christmas miracle that my daughter was spared the ordeal and it all wrapped up within the minimum of time. Everyone was very happy with the outcome, the case was concluded to everyone's satisfaction and we can now move on and put it all behind us.
I have a feeling that the defendant may have thought that if he pushed for a defended hearing that my daughter would cave and not go through with it, collapsing the case, but when push came to shove and she was obviously ready to see it through to the bitter end, he decided to cut his losses and not risk the judge awarding a possibly harsher penalty for his perversion.
So, a merry christmas all ways round.
but wait.......what of the second fail, I hear you say?
that happened tonight, and you know what they say about timing it everything? My mother happened to be in the room, looking over my shoulder when I checked my emails and this lovely epistle presented itself for my illumination.
To set the scene - I had sent an email to my ex-parents-in-law who I speak to on several occasions during the year, and in fact spoke to my daughter only a few days before. I had sent them copies of her school report, as well as scans of her certificates. I had addressed the email to them with an explanation of the contents as well as some latest news of success for my other daughter. During the year I often sent the grandparents emails with photo's of the girls and updates on their progress or contact information - we have a fairly amicable relationship and we're always polite and interested in what's going on in our respective families.
Anyway - I sent a CC copy of the email to my ex, as he would have received a copy of the school report, but not the certificates, or know about her awards from the Sea Cadets, or the recent news about his other daughter sucesses. I had also sent him and his new family a christmas card, nothing gushy, but signed by myself and my daughter. Despite the acrimonious court case settled finally last year, I considered it only fair to keep the lines of communication open, keep him up to date with his daughters progress with no expectation of a reply or anything in return.
so it was some surprise when I received the following -
Louise (that's me)
It is time you moved on with your life and accepted that you have no reason to contact, Cc emails or send Christmas cards to any of us. You are very much an ex wife. You are not a friend or part of our family any more. As you well know P********* college sends me Z**'s reports and if Z** or E*** want to share their lives with us they are more than capable of making contact on their own. Your card has gone in the bin,just like the one the year before and any more that should choose to send.
A*** and B****** (his new wife's parents) do not want to have anything to do with you. K**** (his wife) has made it clear what she thinks of you. I do not want K**** (his daughter age 5) to ever have to experience your toxic behaviour. My mum and Dad tolerate you if it means they will have contact with E*** and Z** (we all had a good laugh about your reaction when Gary tuned up at their house with E***). And I think you are pathetic. Your lying and alienating behaviour over the past six years has put paid to any chance that we can have an amicable relationship for the sake of our daughters.
Unless E*** or Z** are seriously injured, dead or you are informing me that Z** has moved out of home you have no further reason to contact us. I pay my child support and you are not going to get anything more out of me. We have been divorced longer than we were married, we live on different islands and the girls are doing their own things. Your communications are not necessary or welcome.
If you do not understand this print if off and take it to your counsellor, priest or lawyer to explain it to you.
G****, K**** and K***
wasn't that a lovely letter? they say that writing, more often than not, tends to reflect the writer, and in this instance the mirror is firmly held up to his narrow, close-minded, unsympathetic, selfish attitude. The words positively drip venom - but I can honestly say that it doesn't upset me any more. I feel profoundly sorry for the this sad example of mankind and know that such bitterness and resentment is not healthy or productive. I could go in to detail about all the things wrong in this missive, but what would be the point. It will always be - he said, she said. What a sad, sad little man.
*deep sigh*
But, all grinchiness aside.....Merry Christmas every one......I hope you all have a wonderful holiday. I know that we are looking forward to a new year with nothing hanging over us, for a change, and I wish for the same to everyone. Prosperity and Good health to all.....
even him.
and what is up with LJ and it's stupid coding? *duh*