Fat Me
In the spring I began a program to help me lose weight. I had lost 30 lbs. so far and felt great. Over the past couple of months things haven't been going well and I've gained back 7 lbs. Whatever funk I was feeling is now compounded by the shame and failure from gaining weight back. So where did this funk come from? First it was from a fear of being thin and pretty. I don't know how to be thin, live thin, feel thin. Then I went to SteamCon last weekend and felt like I belonged, like I finally found my niche. True, the opportunity to wear a corset in public always makes me feel better... but it made me start to think about my body and its size. Why do I want to be thin? I want to fit in and be accepted (and be able to wear cute cheap clothes). Yes, I feel much better having dropped 25-30 lbs., there's a skip in my step I didn't have before. Still I ask, why? To find a man, fit in an airplane seat, pay less for health insurance? Why? Plus, I don't trust the "beautiful people". The ones I grew up with were mean and hateful. I don't want to be that. What's a girl to do.
