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so first of all i can't sleep. i'm fucking tired but not sleepy. yeah, i have issues. but it's too late to go to sleep anyway because i need to be up early to take lucas to school for chess club. and wake ben up to make sure jacob gets to the bus stop. then a busy day of pretending to be a stay at home mom. then around 7ish when my mother gets home i'm heading up to my apartment or scott's. i'm not sure. but either way, it will feel like going home.
i suppose that's a bit odd. i'd rather be at Scott's then at my house or apartment. because that's where i feel most at home. which is ridiculous since i don't live there. but i feel like that's the only place i can totally relax and be myself. although i'm hoping i'll get cool new roommates this semester (or none maybe) that aren't uptight sorority girls. i just have an issue with people like that. i want someone that can have fun without spending two hours doing their make up and hair. oh and someone to put a TV in our living room. and someone that would invite me places and that my friends like so i can invite them over too.
anyway, back to my story. it's odd that i don't feel at home around my own family. but i suppose i never really have. i've always been a bit distant from them all. mostly by my own doing, but i'm not complaining. i'm just stating a fact. i love my family to death, don't get me wrong, i just don't feel at home living with them. i want to live on my own. or with scott. or with gloria. because they're people i can live with and be myself around. my family not so much. they constantly criticize me or my opinions and rarely believe in what i decide i want to do. if i say i want to do something they point out all the flaws before i even have an opportunity to say anything. it doesn't matter if i'm still making the plans...i can't do it just because i haven't worked out the details. which is why i'm the way i am. i'm exactly like my mother. which sucks, but at the same time it's not so bad. i know how i'll react to a million situations that i've only witnessed her in. and i know how to make the reaction more beneficial for my own happiness or whatever. like watching my mom get mad at my brothers and i, has shown me how frustrating my short temper is to other people. and has helped me to relax a little and to be able to control my anger much better...most of the time. i'm working on it....
i just want to be back where i belong. and that's not really here anymore.
oh and i am almost done with my career on medium on guitar hero three. i've got to beat 2 more songs then i play the devil. oh dear. i'm a bit excited! haha.
i suppose that's a bit odd. i'd rather be at Scott's then at my house or apartment. because that's where i feel most at home. which is ridiculous since i don't live there. but i feel like that's the only place i can totally relax and be myself. although i'm hoping i'll get cool new roommates this semester (or none maybe) that aren't uptight sorority girls. i just have an issue with people like that. i want someone that can have fun without spending two hours doing their make up and hair. oh and someone to put a TV in our living room. and someone that would invite me places and that my friends like so i can invite them over too.
anyway, back to my story. it's odd that i don't feel at home around my own family. but i suppose i never really have. i've always been a bit distant from them all. mostly by my own doing, but i'm not complaining. i'm just stating a fact. i love my family to death, don't get me wrong, i just don't feel at home living with them. i want to live on my own. or with scott. or with gloria. because they're people i can live with and be myself around. my family not so much. they constantly criticize me or my opinions and rarely believe in what i decide i want to do. if i say i want to do something they point out all the flaws before i even have an opportunity to say anything. it doesn't matter if i'm still making the plans...i can't do it just because i haven't worked out the details. which is why i'm the way i am. i'm exactly like my mother. which sucks, but at the same time it's not so bad. i know how i'll react to a million situations that i've only witnessed her in. and i know how to make the reaction more beneficial for my own happiness or whatever. like watching my mom get mad at my brothers and i, has shown me how frustrating my short temper is to other people. and has helped me to relax a little and to be able to control my anger much better...most of the time. i'm working on it....
i just want to be back where i belong. and that's not really here anymore.
oh and i am almost done with my career on medium on guitar hero three. i've got to beat 2 more songs then i play the devil. oh dear. i'm a bit excited! haha.