(no subject)
it took me a grand total of 3 minutes to register for my classes this morning and i loved it. classes are pretty basic and schedule is very convenient: class starts at either noon or one each day, ends at either 2:45 or 5:15, and fridays are completely free. definitely the best 15-hour schedule of all time. i'm getting the rest of my cores out of the way this spring, so after this it's all my awesome english/education-track stuff. cant freakin wait!
when i think about the predicament i am in with the sorority these days, i get a really terrible butterflies-in-the-stomach sensation. i REALLY don't know what to do. my sorority is great, the girls are great, and the girls are great for each other-- i just don't know if it's all too great for me. i'm very close to calling it quits, and i feel rotten about it. it would have been nice to overcome the weird social issues i've always had. really would have been nice. i keep wishing for some moment of clarity to help me see whether i'm ever gonna be right for sorority life, but so far i'm split completely down the middle. why do i hesitate to pick up the phone? why do i get all annoyed about coming to meetings/going to functions? why does the idea of some of our social events physically SCARE me? i know for a fact that most of the girls love me and want to be my friends, yet i push them away. i keep thinking back now to the shrink my parents made me see, and how he explained to me that introverted people simply do not enjoy socializing with others the way extroverts do. unfortunately, the sororoty system is kind of built for the extroverts-- those lucky ducks.
...this week is big sister week, which is supposed to be one of the most special weeks in a sister's college career. and guess who's avoiding the room and failing to participate? ME ME ME. i'm such a dud it scares me sometimes. i would have really liked for this to work. maybe it still can, but at this point i basically have "failure" written all over my face- in pink marker.
the good news? i was walking home from film yesterday sans brian, and the wind was howling and the light was dimming and the fountains were shining and i COULDN'T stop smiling. i actually started to skip. i'm a blessed girl and life is good.
when i think about the predicament i am in with the sorority these days, i get a really terrible butterflies-in-the-stomach sensation. i REALLY don't know what to do. my sorority is great, the girls are great, and the girls are great for each other-- i just don't know if it's all too great for me. i'm very close to calling it quits, and i feel rotten about it. it would have been nice to overcome the weird social issues i've always had. really would have been nice. i keep wishing for some moment of clarity to help me see whether i'm ever gonna be right for sorority life, but so far i'm split completely down the middle. why do i hesitate to pick up the phone? why do i get all annoyed about coming to meetings/going to functions? why does the idea of some of our social events physically SCARE me? i know for a fact that most of the girls love me and want to be my friends, yet i push them away. i keep thinking back now to the shrink my parents made me see, and how he explained to me that introverted people simply do not enjoy socializing with others the way extroverts do. unfortunately, the sororoty system is kind of built for the extroverts-- those lucky ducks.
...this week is big sister week, which is supposed to be one of the most special weeks in a sister's college career. and guess who's avoiding the room and failing to participate? ME ME ME. i'm such a dud it scares me sometimes. i would have really liked for this to work. maybe it still can, but at this point i basically have "failure" written all over my face- in pink marker.
the good news? i was walking home from film yesterday sans brian, and the wind was howling and the light was dimming and the fountains were shining and i COULDN'T stop smiling. i actually started to skip. i'm a blessed girl and life is good.