(no subject)
My landlord is officially identified as the dark prince Satan. I am convinced.
We live in a glorified shed for a hefty chunk of cash. It's about half the size of a small apartment. Now, the lack of central heat does not bother me. The toilet that looks like a toilet on the outside but actually is just a hole to shit in does not bother me...its probably better for the environment! Hooray! But the rocket scientist squirrel-rats (that somehow found a way to eat peanut butter off of every humane trap I set out without even tripping the trigger) incessantly shit in my room and party in my walls and wake me up around 3 or 4 am consistently I am not fond of. No doubt they come from under our house which is still packed with his old stuff...broken-down printers, boxes of moldy paper, old clothes strewn about, possibly heroin, POOL NOODLES for god's sake. We've been begging him to clean it out, to help us with the rat problem, but every time its always "Oh, next weekend, don't you worry" or "Yeah yeah, I take care of it," in his charming Peruvian accent. A month and a half of NOTHING. He didn't even have the house clean for us to move in, WE had to vacuum and mop and clean up after the previous tenants' trash.
Last week our fridge broke. "Oh I know a guy, there's a warranty" blah blah charming Peruvian accent blahhhh. All of the food that HASN'T rotted is now stuffed in the freezer portion of the fridge which is now also gasping its last desperate inklings of life away. But apparently according to the lease agreement, the faulty fucking fridge he gave us is OUR responsibility. So if he can't get the warranty on it, we pay for a new fucking fridge or use the mini fridge he offered to us that is conveniently sitting on his driveway up the hill covered in blobs of mold as big as the rats chewing up my fucking room! Thanks, buddy!
Satan the landlord also claims that his parents live up the hill at that house, but the only one who is ever there is him and he's only there like twice a week to drop off random garbage or come rummage around underneath our house sneakily like he doesn't want to be caught. We are pretty sure he killed his parents.
There is a new addition to the property! On the hill between our house and his house...or his parent's house, or some guy that came to our house one day and claimed that Satan was illegally living on his property?!?!...he has parked a janky little trailer that looks like it belonged to a coke dealer during the 70's and that is literally about to tumble over the side of the hill. Apparently, he brought it on the property with the intent to rent it out to someone. I don't know who the fuck would live there for money but that is his intent. Fucking bastard.
Anyways, my landlord is either illegally trafficking immigrants, illegally trafficking drugs, a serial killer, or just Satan himself. Or crazy. And my boyfriend would rather play video games than have sex with me.
We live in a glorified shed for a hefty chunk of cash. It's about half the size of a small apartment. Now, the lack of central heat does not bother me. The toilet that looks like a toilet on the outside but actually is just a hole to shit in does not bother me...its probably better for the environment! Hooray! But the rocket scientist squirrel-rats (that somehow found a way to eat peanut butter off of every humane trap I set out without even tripping the trigger) incessantly shit in my room and party in my walls and wake me up around 3 or 4 am consistently I am not fond of. No doubt they come from under our house which is still packed with his old stuff...broken-down printers, boxes of moldy paper, old clothes strewn about, possibly heroin, POOL NOODLES for god's sake. We've been begging him to clean it out, to help us with the rat problem, but every time its always "Oh, next weekend, don't you worry" or "Yeah yeah, I take care of it," in his charming Peruvian accent. A month and a half of NOTHING. He didn't even have the house clean for us to move in, WE had to vacuum and mop and clean up after the previous tenants' trash.
Last week our fridge broke. "Oh I know a guy, there's a warranty" blah blah charming Peruvian accent blahhhh. All of the food that HASN'T rotted is now stuffed in the freezer portion of the fridge which is now also gasping its last desperate inklings of life away. But apparently according to the lease agreement, the faulty fucking fridge he gave us is OUR responsibility. So if he can't get the warranty on it, we pay for a new fucking fridge or use the mini fridge he offered to us that is conveniently sitting on his driveway up the hill covered in blobs of mold as big as the rats chewing up my fucking room! Thanks, buddy!
Satan the landlord also claims that his parents live up the hill at that house, but the only one who is ever there is him and he's only there like twice a week to drop off random garbage or come rummage around underneath our house sneakily like he doesn't want to be caught. We are pretty sure he killed his parents.
There is a new addition to the property! On the hill between our house and his house...or his parent's house, or some guy that came to our house one day and claimed that Satan was illegally living on his property?!?!...he has parked a janky little trailer that looks like it belonged to a coke dealer during the 70's and that is literally about to tumble over the side of the hill. Apparently, he brought it on the property with the intent to rent it out to someone. I don't know who the fuck would live there for money but that is his intent. Fucking bastard.
Anyways, my landlord is either illegally trafficking immigrants, illegally trafficking drugs, a serial killer, or just Satan himself. Or crazy. And my boyfriend would rather play video games than have sex with me.