[NCIS] [Gen] [K] The Great Escape
Title: The Great Escape
Rating: Safe for all
Genre: Team-fic, humor
Length: 1500 words
Credits: Thanks to pixie_on_acid for the beta and the title!
Prompt (courtesy of softbrowneyes): Once in a blue moon, the NCIS team finishes a case around noon on a Friday. Since there's no other work, they want to go home. Gibbs won't let them. How do they spend the rest of the day?
The Great Escape
It was just past noon on a Friday and all their loose ends were tied up. It had been a relatively uneventful week and the agents had spent much of it catching up on paperwork and the mundane office tasks that usually got pushed to the wayside. Now, there was nothing left to do and the team was itching to start the weekend.
Ziva and McGee were too wise (or chicken, according to Tony) to ask, so they left it up to Tony. Rather than address the issue directly, Tony dropped his reports in Gibbs’ in-basket and just said, “Have a good weekend, Boss.”
Gibbs looked up pointedly. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Uh, yeah, but…”
“Is your workday over, DiNozzo? What if another call comes in?”
“That’s what we’re afraid of,” Tony muttered as he headed back to his desk.
As soon as Gibbs stepped away from his desk, the complaint department opened.
“This sucks,” Tony proclaimed to no one in particular.
“It does,” Ziva agreed. “I have plans tonight. I could use the time to prepare.”
Tony perked up. “Plans?”
“Yes,” she said curtly. “Plans that are no concern of yours, Tony.”
“Not that it makes a difference,” McGee sighed. “Gibbs is going to keep us here, and we’re going to get called out to a crime scene at 4:59.”
“Despite the fact that there’s already another team on duty!” Tony pointed out.
They all fell silent, reflecting the mood of gloom. Ziva stared unflinchingly at the clock. McGee began dusting the area around his computer. Tony tapped his pencil against his desk. Suddenly, he was struck with an idea.
“Hey,” he whispered, motioning to Ziva and McGee to come to his desk. “Everybody stand back-to-back so he can’t sneak up on us this time.”
Ziva rolled her eyes. “Tony…”
“I’m serious. I have a plan.”
Ziva and McGee complied with resignation. When they were standing back-to-back and each of them had given the all-clear, Tony continued. “What if we drive him so crazy that he can’t wait to get rid of us?”
McGee turned towards Tony. “Oh, no. Count me out. That’s just dangerous.”
“Get back into position, Probie,” Tony hissed. McGee jumped back into place.
Ziva looked around at McGee. “Now, let’s consider this - Tony may have a point. What’s the worst Gibbs could do to us?”
McGee looked at her wide-eyed. “Uh, make our lives a living hell?”
Tony snorted. “And what do you call being stuck here waiting for the death knell to sound for our weekends? I call that a living hell.”
McGee was quiet for a moment, but inevitably gave in. “What’s the plan?”
“Oh, come on.” To Tony it was obvious. “We all know the things we do that get on his nerves.”
“Like being ourselves?” Ziva suggested.
“Exactly, Ziva. Probie, just follow our lead.”
They stood, carefully watching for Gibbs to return.
“Uh, Tony?”
“Yes, Probie?”
“Can I follow your lead from my desk?”
As soon as Gibbs was engrossed in something at his desk, Tony began drumming again.
“Is that the theme to the Addams Family?” McGee asked.
“Why, yes, Probie!” Tony replied. “I believe it is.”
“I loved that show when I was a kid.”
“Why am I not surprised?”
McGee frowned. “Oh, and you didn’t? That’s why you’re drumming out the theme song?”
Tony leered. “Morticia was hot.”
Ziva looked up from her computer. “What is this Adam’s Family?”
“It was an old black and white TV show-“ McGee began to explain, but Tony cut him off, switching to Entertainment Encyclopedia Mode.
“Television, 1964 to 1966. Of course, I watched it in re-runs. Starring John Astin, Jackie Coogan, and the delectable Carolyn Jones. It was the story of a family. They were creepy and they were kooky, mysterious… yet ooky.”
“Altogether spooky!” McGee offered with a grin.
“You see, Ziva,” Tony continued. “They lived in a museum, where people would come to see them.”
“They really were a scream.”
“You said it, McGee!” Tony nodded his approval. “That Addams Family.”
“Hey! Wasn’t John Astin-“
“Married to Patty Duke? Father to actors MacKenzie and Sean Astin? Yes and yes. The same Sean Astin, whom you may know as Samwise Gamgee, Elf Lord.”
McGee made a face and turned back to his computer, and Tony went back to drumming.
“I like Patty Duke,” Ziva commented.
Tony looked up. “You know who Patty Duke is?”
“We had re-runs too, you know.”
“The Patty Duke Show?”
Ziva nodded. “They’re cousins. Identical cousins and you’ll find….”
Tony and McGee joined in. “They laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike. You can lose your mind.”
“Enough!” Gibbs sounded like he was about to lose it, but not in the way they had wanted.
The group fell silent for a moment, then Tony asked, “You don’t like Patty Duke, Boss?”
Gibbs grimaced at him. “One more trip through TV Land and you’ll find out how good my aim is, DiNozzo.”
When McGee finished dusting every tiny nook and cranny of his desk, he moved on to his file cabinets.
“Hey, McGee, when you’re done with yours, do mine too.”
“I am not dusting your file cabinets, Tony. Do I look like the cleaning lady?”
“Well, now that you mention it, there is a bit of a resemblance. But she has more facial hair.” Tony waited a beat for the insult to sink in, then switched to wheedling. “C’mon, Probie. You know you’re going to do it for me, so let’s just cut through the formalities.”
“I am not going to dust your file cabinets, Tony!”
“Tony, leave him alone.”
“Thank you, Ziva.” McGee turned back to his dusting.
Ziva waved a finger at Tony disapprovingly. “Why should you ask McGee to do something you’re perfectly capable of doing yourself, Tony? That’s taking advantage. I, on the other hand… Well, McGee, I’m quite allergic to dust.”
Before McGee could do more than scowl, Tony jumped in. “I’m taking advantage? At least I’m up front about it. Stop trying to con the Probie. Dust allergy! Please!”
“I do so have an allergy. My nose turns all red and puffy. It is very unattractive.”
“And that’s different how?”
“Oh! How you can be such a… such a pig, ani lo mevina! Ata meshage'ah li et hasechel!”
“You’ve done it now!” McGee muttered at Tony.
“Hey!” Tony snapped back. “I was sticking up for you!”
“Enough!” Gibbs yelled. He stomped around the desk and over to McGee’s filling cabinet. Gibbs tore off a length of paper towel from McGee’s roll and threw it at Tony. “You. Dust. Now.” Ziva smirked at Tony until Gibbs threw the rest of the roll at her. “You too.”
Dusting the file cabinets wasn’t good enough for Gibbs. He made them dust every inch of visible space in their respective areas. McGee was perfectly happy with the assignment, considering it a fitting punishment for Tony and Ziva - whose nose wasn’t actually becoming red and puffy. McGee began to whistle as he worked.
Out of the corner of his eye, McGee caught movement and turned to see Tony smirking and quietly trying to get his attention. McGee looked quizzically at him and stopped whistling for a moment, at which point Tony began. It took McGee a moment to catch on to the tune, but then he looked down with a smile and started whistling the new refrain.
Tony sent surreptitious glances Ziva’s way until he caught her eye, staring at her pointedly while he whistled. Ziva listened long enough to learn the melody, then joined in.
They dusted with increasing enthusiasm - and whistled with increasing volume as they worked. Tony actually found himself going back over areas he’d already dusted. Finally, he heard what he’d been waiting for.
“Enough!” Gibbs said again. “I get the message.”
The whistling and dusting came to a dead halt. They turned and looked hopefully at Gibbs.
“The River Kwai March?” Gibbs continued. “Not exactly subtle.” He let them sweat for a moment, then waved his hand. “Go on. Get out of here.”
Tony dived for his jacket and keys, and the others moved no less quickly. With a round of “Thank you, Boss!” all three were headed for the elevator. Suddenly, Tony came to a standstill, almost causing Ziva and McGee to walk into him.
Gibbs’ telephone had rung.
They looked over to see Gibbs’ on the phone, jotting down notes - probably the address of their latest crime scene. “We’ll be there in twenty minutes,” Gibbs said and hung up the phone. He looked up to see three totally dejected faces.
Gibbs smirked and held up his cell phone - which he had used to place the call to his desk. “Ohhhh, Boss!” Tony winced, knowing he’d been had.
“Serves you right for trying to make me crazy all day. Now get out. See you Monday.”
The End
* When Ziva starts spouting a foreign language, you know you’d better look out. In Hebrew (and hopefully correct) - “I don’t understand. You drive me crazy.”
Rating: Safe for all
Genre: Team-fic, humor
Length: 1500 words
Credits: Thanks to pixie_on_acid for the beta and the title!
Prompt (courtesy of softbrowneyes): Once in a blue moon, the NCIS team finishes a case around noon on a Friday. Since there's no other work, they want to go home. Gibbs won't let them. How do they spend the rest of the day?
The Great Escape
It was just past noon on a Friday and all their loose ends were tied up. It had been a relatively uneventful week and the agents had spent much of it catching up on paperwork and the mundane office tasks that usually got pushed to the wayside. Now, there was nothing left to do and the team was itching to start the weekend.
Ziva and McGee were too wise (or chicken, according to Tony) to ask, so they left it up to Tony. Rather than address the issue directly, Tony dropped his reports in Gibbs’ in-basket and just said, “Have a good weekend, Boss.”
Gibbs looked up pointedly. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Uh, yeah, but…”
“Is your workday over, DiNozzo? What if another call comes in?”
“That’s what we’re afraid of,” Tony muttered as he headed back to his desk.
As soon as Gibbs stepped away from his desk, the complaint department opened.
“This sucks,” Tony proclaimed to no one in particular.
“It does,” Ziva agreed. “I have plans tonight. I could use the time to prepare.”
Tony perked up. “Plans?”
“Yes,” she said curtly. “Plans that are no concern of yours, Tony.”
“Not that it makes a difference,” McGee sighed. “Gibbs is going to keep us here, and we’re going to get called out to a crime scene at 4:59.”
“Despite the fact that there’s already another team on duty!” Tony pointed out.
They all fell silent, reflecting the mood of gloom. Ziva stared unflinchingly at the clock. McGee began dusting the area around his computer. Tony tapped his pencil against his desk. Suddenly, he was struck with an idea.
“Hey,” he whispered, motioning to Ziva and McGee to come to his desk. “Everybody stand back-to-back so he can’t sneak up on us this time.”
Ziva rolled her eyes. “Tony…”
“I’m serious. I have a plan.”
Ziva and McGee complied with resignation. When they were standing back-to-back and each of them had given the all-clear, Tony continued. “What if we drive him so crazy that he can’t wait to get rid of us?”
McGee turned towards Tony. “Oh, no. Count me out. That’s just dangerous.”
“Get back into position, Probie,” Tony hissed. McGee jumped back into place.
Ziva looked around at McGee. “Now, let’s consider this - Tony may have a point. What’s the worst Gibbs could do to us?”
McGee looked at her wide-eyed. “Uh, make our lives a living hell?”
Tony snorted. “And what do you call being stuck here waiting for the death knell to sound for our weekends? I call that a living hell.”
McGee was quiet for a moment, but inevitably gave in. “What’s the plan?”
“Oh, come on.” To Tony it was obvious. “We all know the things we do that get on his nerves.”
“Like being ourselves?” Ziva suggested.
“Exactly, Ziva. Probie, just follow our lead.”
They stood, carefully watching for Gibbs to return.
“Uh, Tony?”
“Yes, Probie?”
“Can I follow your lead from my desk?”
As soon as Gibbs was engrossed in something at his desk, Tony began drumming again.
“Is that the theme to the Addams Family?” McGee asked.
“Why, yes, Probie!” Tony replied. “I believe it is.”
“I loved that show when I was a kid.”
“Why am I not surprised?”
McGee frowned. “Oh, and you didn’t? That’s why you’re drumming out the theme song?”
Tony leered. “Morticia was hot.”
Ziva looked up from her computer. “What is this Adam’s Family?”
“It was an old black and white TV show-“ McGee began to explain, but Tony cut him off, switching to Entertainment Encyclopedia Mode.
“Television, 1964 to 1966. Of course, I watched it in re-runs. Starring John Astin, Jackie Coogan, and the delectable Carolyn Jones. It was the story of a family. They were creepy and they were kooky, mysterious… yet ooky.”
“Altogether spooky!” McGee offered with a grin.
“You see, Ziva,” Tony continued. “They lived in a museum, where people would come to see them.”
“They really were a scream.”
“You said it, McGee!” Tony nodded his approval. “That Addams Family.”
“Hey! Wasn’t John Astin-“
“Married to Patty Duke? Father to actors MacKenzie and Sean Astin? Yes and yes. The same Sean Astin, whom you may know as Samwise Gamgee, Elf Lord.”
McGee made a face and turned back to his computer, and Tony went back to drumming.
“I like Patty Duke,” Ziva commented.
Tony looked up. “You know who Patty Duke is?”
“We had re-runs too, you know.”
“The Patty Duke Show?”
Ziva nodded. “They’re cousins. Identical cousins and you’ll find….”
Tony and McGee joined in. “They laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike. You can lose your mind.”
“Enough!” Gibbs sounded like he was about to lose it, but not in the way they had wanted.
The group fell silent for a moment, then Tony asked, “You don’t like Patty Duke, Boss?”
Gibbs grimaced at him. “One more trip through TV Land and you’ll find out how good my aim is, DiNozzo.”
When McGee finished dusting every tiny nook and cranny of his desk, he moved on to his file cabinets.
“Hey, McGee, when you’re done with yours, do mine too.”
“I am not dusting your file cabinets, Tony. Do I look like the cleaning lady?”
“Well, now that you mention it, there is a bit of a resemblance. But she has more facial hair.” Tony waited a beat for the insult to sink in, then switched to wheedling. “C’mon, Probie. You know you’re going to do it for me, so let’s just cut through the formalities.”
“I am not going to dust your file cabinets, Tony!”
“Tony, leave him alone.”
“Thank you, Ziva.” McGee turned back to his dusting.
Ziva waved a finger at Tony disapprovingly. “Why should you ask McGee to do something you’re perfectly capable of doing yourself, Tony? That’s taking advantage. I, on the other hand… Well, McGee, I’m quite allergic to dust.”
Before McGee could do more than scowl, Tony jumped in. “I’m taking advantage? At least I’m up front about it. Stop trying to con the Probie. Dust allergy! Please!”
“I do so have an allergy. My nose turns all red and puffy. It is very unattractive.”
“And that’s different how?”
“Oh! How you can be such a… such a pig, ani lo mevina! Ata meshage'ah li et hasechel!”
“You’ve done it now!” McGee muttered at Tony.
“Hey!” Tony snapped back. “I was sticking up for you!”
“Enough!” Gibbs yelled. He stomped around the desk and over to McGee’s filling cabinet. Gibbs tore off a length of paper towel from McGee’s roll and threw it at Tony. “You. Dust. Now.” Ziva smirked at Tony until Gibbs threw the rest of the roll at her. “You too.”
Dusting the file cabinets wasn’t good enough for Gibbs. He made them dust every inch of visible space in their respective areas. McGee was perfectly happy with the assignment, considering it a fitting punishment for Tony and Ziva - whose nose wasn’t actually becoming red and puffy. McGee began to whistle as he worked.
Out of the corner of his eye, McGee caught movement and turned to see Tony smirking and quietly trying to get his attention. McGee looked quizzically at him and stopped whistling for a moment, at which point Tony began. It took McGee a moment to catch on to the tune, but then he looked down with a smile and started whistling the new refrain.
Tony sent surreptitious glances Ziva’s way until he caught her eye, staring at her pointedly while he whistled. Ziva listened long enough to learn the melody, then joined in.
They dusted with increasing enthusiasm - and whistled with increasing volume as they worked. Tony actually found himself going back over areas he’d already dusted. Finally, he heard what he’d been waiting for.
“Enough!” Gibbs said again. “I get the message.”
The whistling and dusting came to a dead halt. They turned and looked hopefully at Gibbs.
“The River Kwai March?” Gibbs continued. “Not exactly subtle.” He let them sweat for a moment, then waved his hand. “Go on. Get out of here.”
Tony dived for his jacket and keys, and the others moved no less quickly. With a round of “Thank you, Boss!” all three were headed for the elevator. Suddenly, Tony came to a standstill, almost causing Ziva and McGee to walk into him.
Gibbs’ telephone had rung.
They looked over to see Gibbs’ on the phone, jotting down notes - probably the address of their latest crime scene. “We’ll be there in twenty minutes,” Gibbs said and hung up the phone. He looked up to see three totally dejected faces.
Gibbs smirked and held up his cell phone - which he had used to place the call to his desk. “Ohhhh, Boss!” Tony winced, knowing he’d been had.
“Serves you right for trying to make me crazy all day. Now get out. See you Monday.”
The End
* When Ziva starts spouting a foreign language, you know you’d better look out. In Hebrew (and hopefully correct) - “I don’t understand. You drive me crazy.”