(Put Me Back Together) Wise Up (29/?)
Title: Put Me Back Together
Part: Chapter 29: Wise Up
Author: Squeeka Cuomo
Rating: PG
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Kurt/Puck, Burt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, Finn Hudson, Quinn Fabray, Emma Pillsbury, Will Schuester, Tina Cohen-Chang, Artie Abrams, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Brittany S. Pierce, Mike Chang, Matt Rutherford
Author’s Note: The title and opening quote for this fic come from the beautiful Weezer song, “Put Me Back Together.” You can find it here.
- I know there are tons of spoilers out for the upcoming episodes. Please don’t post them in the comments.
Warning: This takes place directly after “Sectionals.” Everything up to that point is considered fair game. There are spoilers if you haven’t seen the first 13 episodes.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: All it takes is one moment to break Kurt apart. How many will it take to put not only himself but Puck back together?
Put Me Back TogetherChapter 29: Wise Up
Sunday had passed easily enough for Kurt. Hummel Tires and Lube had been only open until three o’clock, and they’d only had two repairs come in. (Both of which Terry had taken care of.) But that had been just fine with Kurt, because it had allowed him to finish up his homework as he had watched the phone.
But even though the day had been totally uneventful, Kurt hadn’t heard from Puck...
Not even once.
At first, Kurt had been extremely bothered by that fact. He had known that he was just being paranoid, but there had been the text Puck had received at dinner the night before. Then there was also the fact that things were just staring to get better between them. And because of that, he couldn’t help it. The lack of communication had bothered him.
Kurt, however, hadn’t been about to let worry and fear take over his life.
So, he had taken a few deep breaths and forced himself to calm down. Which, amazingly enough, had worked for the most part. Terry hadn’t been able to get to him (even though he’d tried his hardest), and Kurt had managed to stay pretty focused on his assignments. But even though he’d settled down a just a tiny bit, he’d refused to let himself call or text Puck, because he hadn’t wanted to come off as needy and insecure. More than that though, Kurt had wanted, needed to prove to himself that he was neither of those things.
Deep down, Kurt had known that he was approaching things with Puck with a certain amount of insecurity. But he couldn’t help that. This was his first relationship, and to complicate matters further, it was with someone who used to throw pee balloons at him. There was no way that things were going to be easy.
And because of that, Kurt was desperate to try and maintain some level of composure. (Especially since Puck had caught onto his nerves the night before.) But if not calling Puck meant that he was taking charge of himself… then Kurt was going to do it. Because he really couldn’t go around being a basket case any longer.
So in an effort to stop himself from calling Puck, he’d called Mercedes to thank her for the help and tell her (almost) all about how dinner had gone. He’d thought about telling her more, but as far as Kurt had been concerned, she didn’t need to know about his dad threatening Puck… Or about their mini-make out session in the kitchen for that matter. (He’d quickly decided that he wasn’t one to kiss and tell.)
Just as he’d started spilling the details, Mercedes had gone into full-on gossip mode. She’d asked if Puck and Burt had gotten along. And she’d asked if Puck had behaved himself. Then, she’d asked the question that Kurt, himself, had been wondering since kissing Puck the night before.
Her voice had been hesitant but brimming with excitement when she had said… “So are you two, like, boyfriends now?” Mercedes had managed to place so much emphasis on the word “boyfriends” that Kurt had felt himself flush scarlet instantly.
His response had been a mumbled mess of stuttering and stammering. “I… I guess… I don’t… I think… Maybe?” Kurt had been able to hear Mercedes laughing gleefully at the other end of the line, which had only made him blush harder.
By the end of the call, she’d made him promise to keep her updated about any important developments.
And just like he’d hoped, the phone call had left Kurt feeling calmer than he had all day.
But there was still a niggling sense of worry in the pit of his stomach that he just couldn’t shake.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
As the buzzer on the dryer rang, Kurt heard the doorbell chiming upstairs. Normally, he would have run and answered it. But he needed to get his clothes out and folded if he didn’t want to deal with a bunch of wrinkles. (Which he really, really didn’t.) However, since his dad was home and most likely watching TV, Kurt didn’t feel bad about not going to get it.
So, ignoring the noise, Kurt walked over to the machine and picked his laundry basket up off the floor. As he pulled open the door to the dryer, he heard his dad leaving the living room to get the door. But after that, Kurt didn’t give any more thought to whoever might be standing on the doorstep. After all, he knew that it was most likely Uncle Mike coming over to watching some ball game or other. And while he loved his uncle, Kurt wasn’t about to let his clothes sit. Family was family, but he had his limits. Especially where Alexander McQueen and Michael Kors were concerned.
But when he turned around, full clothes basket in hand, Kurt was shocked to find Puck staring at him. “Noah, hi. What are you…” Kurt managed to keep his voice calm and his manner nonchalant (for which he congratulated himself). However, as he took a few steps towards Puck, it became painfully obvious that something was wrong. The worried look on Puck’s face caused Kurt’s resolve to waver slightly. “Is everything ok?”
Without saying a word, Puck moved over to the couch and sat down. When he looked at his hands instead of answering Kurt’s question, Kurt felt his heart begin to beat painfully in his chest. He hadn’t seen Puck act like this since Quinn’s miscarriage. And it took all of the strength he possessed to walk over to the couch instead of running in the opposite direction. Because while everything in Kurt’s heart was telling him to go to Puck, everything in his mind was telling him to run, to save himself.
But he couldn’t do that.
“Noah…” Kurt placed the laundry basket on the floor and sat down next to Puck.
Puck didn’t look up. Instead, he continued to stare at his hands, which he was restlessly folding and unfolding. The movement, so simple, made Kurt’s skin feel like it was crawling, and his heart beat even more furiously. When he could no longer stand it, Kurt reached out and placed his hand over Puck’s.
“Quinn wants to get back together.” Puck’s voice was flat, emotionless, and he still wouldn’t look up at Kurt. “She, umh… She doesn’t know about this.” He shook his hands a little under Kurt’s. “About us.”
All at once, Kurt felt his racing heart stop cold and his stomach drop to his feet. He’d known this was going to happen all along. There had been too many signs, too many little moments that pointed to something like this happening. But he’d tried so hard to convince himself that he was wrong and just being paranoid. Even Mercedes had told him not to worry about seeing Puck and Quinn together.
But now… here it was.
Proof that he’d been right all along.
Kurt had never been so unhappy about being right in his life.
“The text at dinner last night…” Kurt slowly pulled his hand back. But before he could totally get it away, Puck reached up and grabbed a hold of him. And oddly enough Kurt was reminded of a Venus Fly Trap snatching up a juicy fly. “The morning I saw you two…”
“Kurt!” Puck squeezed and shook Kurt’s hand so hard that Kurt was surprised his wrist didn’t crack. “Look at me.”
Until he heard Puck tell him to look at him, Kurt thought that he had been. But as the words sank in, Kurt realized that he was off somewhere else, looking back over the evidence that was now so obvious. And when he looked over at Puck, Kurt was surprised to see just how incredibly desperate his face was.
“Just…” Puck pressed his lips together into a hard line, as if it was difficult for him to speak. “Tell me to stay with you.” He swallowed deeply and squeezed Kurt’s hand painfully again. “Tell me to choose you, and I will.”
Before Kurt could even speak, he found himself shaking his head back and forth slowly. Truthfully, he wanted nothing more than to say, “Yes, stay with me.” But the words wouldn’t come. “I… I…” His voice was steadier than he would have thought possible. “I can’t make that decision for you.”
Even as he was saying the words, Kurt felt his heart breaking. Because deep down… Kurt knew what Puck’s choice would be. It was right there on Puck’s face, the disappointment and anger and confusion were so obvious in his brown eyes.
As gently as he possibly could, Kurt pulled his hand out of Puck’s grasp. It was a little sore now, and Kurt should have been happy about being able to move his fingers. But he wasn’t. His hand felt suddenly cold, and he wished that it was between Puck’s again. Puck, however, had moved his hands to his knees and was staring at the floor.
“Noah…” Kurt placed his hand tentatively on Puck’s arm, but he didn’t respond. “Noah, please.” He wasn’t begging, but his voice was insistent. And when Puck still didn’t respond, Kurt placed his hand on Puck’s cheek.
At the touch, Puck finally looked up, his eyes dark and questioning.
“I…” For a painful second, Kurt pressed his lips together as he tried to find the right words for what he wanted to say. When he spoke, his voice was low and apologetic. “I can’t, I couldn’t be with you if it was only because I’d told you to stay,” The sentence lacked all finesse or elegance. Normally, that would have bothered Kurt. But right now, all Kurt cared about Puck understanding what he was saying. “Do you know what I mean?”
For a moment, Puck didn’t say anything. All he did was stare at Kurt. And try as he might, Kurt couldn’t make out what Puck was thinking. His expression was unreadable, and the longer he was silent, the worse Kurt felt. The oppressive quiet between them was filled with an ominous foreboding that made his skin tingle. Finally, when Kurt couldn’t take it any longer, Puck nodded once.
But he didn’t say anything else.
And neither did Kurt.
Truth be told, he didn’t know what else he could say or even what he should say.
But rather than throw out some meaningless platitudes, Kurt took a deep, ragged breath before saying anything. That one lapse in nerves caused his stomach to clench painfully. Up till then, he had been steady, and despite the feeling of dread in his stomach, he’d stayed calm. But that one inhalation of breath felt like it would be the end of him.
And Kurt couldn’t, no… he wouldn’t let that happen.
So rather than try to speak, Kurt leaned forward and tenderly pressed his lips against Puck’s. For the first time since this whole mess had begun, he didn’t feel tentative or unsure. Instead, as he stroked Puck’s cheek with his thumb, Kurt was completely confident in himself and what he was doing. He might have hated himself for it, but he knew that what he was doing was right.
Kurt was just about to pull back when he felt Puck return the kiss. The touch was barely there, but there was a reverence to it that very clearly said, “I’m sorry.”
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
A few minutes after Puck left, Kurt heard his dad’s footsteps coming down the stairs. Kurt was still sitting on the couch, his now wrinkled laundry at his feet. And though he was looking down at it, he was still seeing Puck’s back as he walked up the steps and out of the basement.
But when Kurt saw his dad’s worn out work boots appear next the black laundry basket, he looked up.
Burt was staring down at him with his hands on his hips. He looked confused and a little worried. “What just happened?”
Kurt didn’t answer. Instead, he looked down at his lap, pretending to study a non-existent flaw in his plaid pants.
“Son, tell me wh-”
Before his dad could finish the sentence, Kurt looked back up. In a strained whisper, he said, “I think we just broke up.”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Kurt looked away. He didn’t think he could bear to see his dad’s face at that moment. What he said was bad enough….
“Oh, Kurt. I’m sorry.”
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
“I’m going to kill him. I’m going to bust his windows, rip him limb from limb, and then… I’m going to kill Noah Puckerman.” Mercedes’ voice was a righteous growl, and Kurt could practically see the scene she was planning in her head. And though her righteous indignation made him smile, it wasn’t what Kurt wanted.
Or what he needed.
“No, you’re not.” Kurt pushed his locker door shut and adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder. When the bag continued to bite into his neck, he felt a bone weary fatigue seep into his body.
That morning, Mercedes had met Kurt by his locker, and he’d told her the whole story. At first, he’d chosen to tell her in public in the hopes that it would help him stay calm. But as the tale had unfolded, Mercedes had begun working herself up into a fit of anger and indignation on his behalf. And having her be so upset for him had been enough to steady Kurt’s wavering emotions.
“I’m not?” Mercedes was so shocked that her eyebrows practically disappeared into her hairline. The sight was so amusing that Kurt snorted at her. That, however, only caused her eyebrows to go (if possible) higher.
“No, you are not.” Even as the words were coming out of his mouth, Kurt could hardly believe himself. A few weeks ago, he’d have been a mess in this situation. But now, Kurt felt…stronger, surer. He knew that he’d made the right decision with Puck. And even though their last kiss had almost ripped him apart, he was proud of himself for holding his ground.
“Instead, we’re going to go to class….” Kurt reached out and pulled Mercedes arm through his snuggly. “Then, after school, my house for a sappy movie marathon… Which we’ll mock, mercilessly of course, as we give each other facials.” He forced himself to smile as he steered himself and Mercedes down the hall.
“You’re really ok?” Without missing a step, Kurt leaned over and gave Mercedes a small kiss on the cheek. “I’m not exactly jumping for joy, but I’m fine.” Once again, Kurt forced a smile to cross his face.
But with each fake grin and reassuring “I’m fine,” Kurt began to realize just how much he already missed Puck.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
After lunch, Kurt stopped by his locker to change his books for his afternoon classes. He’d managed to avoid Puck all morning. And Kurt had found that if he focused hard enough, the pain he felt was almost non-existent. However, Kurt had also found that maintaining that level of focus was exhausting.
So exhausting that, when Kurt felt a small hand on his shoulder, he didn’t even jump. “Umh, Kurt… Can I talk to you for a minute?”
The voice of the person speaking was soft, almost painfully subdued. And even though it was next to unrecognizable, there was still something familiar about it. Kurt had heard it many times before. Just never quite like this.
Turning around, Kurt was surprised to find himself looking down at Quinn. The first thing he noticed was that she looked much healthier than he’d seen her in weeks. Her cheeks were healthy and pink, and her blonde hair was shining again. And for some reason, Kurt was taken aback by the fact that her hair was split into pig tails at the base of her scalp. It just seemed so childish for someone who had just lost a baby. But even though her hair seemed so wrong, Kurt noticed that her brown eyes now had a slightly haunted look about them.
As Kurt took in Quinn’s appearance, he struggled to find something appropriate to say. She just looked so… lost. “Oh, hey, Quinn. Sure.”
“Puck told me about your dad. What he did at the hospital.” Quinn gestured slightly behind her. As he followed the movement of her hand, Kurt was surprised to find Puck standing there. Up till then, Kurt had been so caught up in her appearance that he hadn’t thought about Puck or where he might be.
But now that Kurt had met eyes with the other boy, it took all of the strength he possessed not to stare at him.
“I just…” Quinn pressed her lips together and looked down at her fidgeting hands. “I just wanted to say thank you.”
“Oh.” Even though Kurt’s eyes were glued to Quinn, he could feel Puck looking at him. “You’re welcome.” Given what she was thanking him for, his response seemed so inappropriate and inadequate. But there was nothing else he could say.
Across from him, Quinn’s lip twitched, as if she was trying to smile but couldn’t summon up the energy for it. “Would you, would you thank your dad for me too?” She tried to smile again, and this time, she was almost successful.
The sight of Quinn, a ghost of the vibrant girl she’d once been, broke Kurt’s heart. “Of course.” Kurt’s voice was barely a whisper in the crowded hallway. But Kurt knew Quinn had heard him, because she nodded softly in response.
When she spoke, her voice was just as low. And Kurt couldn’t tell if she’d actually spoken or if he’d just been able to tell by the shape of her lips that she’d said, “Thank you.”
Before Kurt could decide one way or the other, Quinn had turned away from him.
But unlike Quinn, Puck hadn’t moved. Instead, he’d stayed in his place and was staring at Kurt with unreadable eyes.
For a second, they just looked at one another saying nothing and yet somehow everything at the same time. To Kurt, it seemed ridiculous that Puck’s eyes could go from being a complete puzzle to an open book in a matter of seconds. But they could, and they had. And now, Kurt could see the anger and apology and sadness in them with such clarity that it caused his chest to ache.
The surge of emotion made Kurt want to reach out and comfort Puck. But then he remembered why Puck was looking at him with such melancholy in his eyes, and the desire quickly faded away. Puck was no longer his to touch or comfort (as if he ever had been). And the space between them seemed to crackle with that fact.
Across from him, Puck opened his mouth, his eyes now full of uncertainty. But before he could speak, Quinn’s soft voice interrupted him. “Are you… Are you coming?”
Puck pressed his lips together painfully, the words obviously lost. And looking defeated he turned and followed Quinn down the hall.
Squeeka Cuomo’s Notes
- The title and opening quote for this fic come from the beautiful Weezer song, “Put Me Back Together.” You can find it here.
- To those of you who continue to follow this story and those of you who have just found it… THANK YOU. Your support is amazing and very much appreciated. :)
- Quack: You are such an awesome beta. Your boob notes make this process so much more amusing. :D
- Reviews are love.
Put Me Back Together
Chapter 1: Kiss Me Goodbye
Chapter 2: Of Soirees and Sarongs
Chapter 3: Not So Subtle
Chapter 4: Late Arrivals
Chapter 5: Breaking Point
Chapter 6: Empty Hallway
Chapter 7: Cleaning up the Mess
Chapter 8: Dirty Laundry
Chapter 9: Gossip Mongers
Chapter 10: Just Breathe
Chapter 11: Damon Salvatore vs. Dexter Morgan
Chapter 12: Cloudy - Chance of Tension
Chapter 13: Pocket Squares
Chapter 14: All Apologies
Chapter 15: The “F” Word
Chapter 16: I’ve Come Undone
Chapter 17: Not So Blissfully Numb
Chapter 18: Drunken Lullabies
Chapter 19: Unwanted Visitor
Chapter 20: Please
Chapter 21: Free For All
Chapter 22: Raditude
Chapter 23: Like Father
Chapter 24: What Other Reason
Chapter 25: Hummel Tires and Lube
Chapter 26: Nice To Meet You
Chapter 27: Comfort Food
Chapter 28: Now I’m Jell-O
Part: Chapter 29: Wise Up
Author: Squeeka Cuomo
Rating: PG
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Kurt/Puck, Burt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, Finn Hudson, Quinn Fabray, Emma Pillsbury, Will Schuester, Tina Cohen-Chang, Artie Abrams, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Brittany S. Pierce, Mike Chang, Matt Rutherford
Author’s Note: The title and opening quote for this fic come from the beautiful Weezer song, “Put Me Back Together.” You can find it here.
- I know there are tons of spoilers out for the upcoming episodes. Please don’t post them in the comments.
Warning: This takes place directly after “Sectionals.” Everything up to that point is considered fair game. There are spoilers if you haven’t seen the first 13 episodes.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: All it takes is one moment to break Kurt apart. How many will it take to put not only himself but Puck back together?
Put Me Back TogetherChapter 29: Wise Up
Sunday had passed easily enough for Kurt. Hummel Tires and Lube had been only open until three o’clock, and they’d only had two repairs come in. (Both of which Terry had taken care of.) But that had been just fine with Kurt, because it had allowed him to finish up his homework as he had watched the phone.
But even though the day had been totally uneventful, Kurt hadn’t heard from Puck...
Not even once.
At first, Kurt had been extremely bothered by that fact. He had known that he was just being paranoid, but there had been the text Puck had received at dinner the night before. Then there was also the fact that things were just staring to get better between them. And because of that, he couldn’t help it. The lack of communication had bothered him.
Kurt, however, hadn’t been about to let worry and fear take over his life.
So, he had taken a few deep breaths and forced himself to calm down. Which, amazingly enough, had worked for the most part. Terry hadn’t been able to get to him (even though he’d tried his hardest), and Kurt had managed to stay pretty focused on his assignments. But even though he’d settled down a just a tiny bit, he’d refused to let himself call or text Puck, because he hadn’t wanted to come off as needy and insecure. More than that though, Kurt had wanted, needed to prove to himself that he was neither of those things.
Deep down, Kurt had known that he was approaching things with Puck with a certain amount of insecurity. But he couldn’t help that. This was his first relationship, and to complicate matters further, it was with someone who used to throw pee balloons at him. There was no way that things were going to be easy.
And because of that, Kurt was desperate to try and maintain some level of composure. (Especially since Puck had caught onto his nerves the night before.) But if not calling Puck meant that he was taking charge of himself… then Kurt was going to do it. Because he really couldn’t go around being a basket case any longer.
So in an effort to stop himself from calling Puck, he’d called Mercedes to thank her for the help and tell her (almost) all about how dinner had gone. He’d thought about telling her more, but as far as Kurt had been concerned, she didn’t need to know about his dad threatening Puck… Or about their mini-make out session in the kitchen for that matter. (He’d quickly decided that he wasn’t one to kiss and tell.)
Just as he’d started spilling the details, Mercedes had gone into full-on gossip mode. She’d asked if Puck and Burt had gotten along. And she’d asked if Puck had behaved himself. Then, she’d asked the question that Kurt, himself, had been wondering since kissing Puck the night before.
Her voice had been hesitant but brimming with excitement when she had said… “So are you two, like, boyfriends now?” Mercedes had managed to place so much emphasis on the word “boyfriends” that Kurt had felt himself flush scarlet instantly.
His response had been a mumbled mess of stuttering and stammering. “I… I guess… I don’t… I think… Maybe?” Kurt had been able to hear Mercedes laughing gleefully at the other end of the line, which had only made him blush harder.
By the end of the call, she’d made him promise to keep her updated about any important developments.
And just like he’d hoped, the phone call had left Kurt feeling calmer than he had all day.
But there was still a niggling sense of worry in the pit of his stomach that he just couldn’t shake.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
As the buzzer on the dryer rang, Kurt heard the doorbell chiming upstairs. Normally, he would have run and answered it. But he needed to get his clothes out and folded if he didn’t want to deal with a bunch of wrinkles. (Which he really, really didn’t.) However, since his dad was home and most likely watching TV, Kurt didn’t feel bad about not going to get it.
So, ignoring the noise, Kurt walked over to the machine and picked his laundry basket up off the floor. As he pulled open the door to the dryer, he heard his dad leaving the living room to get the door. But after that, Kurt didn’t give any more thought to whoever might be standing on the doorstep. After all, he knew that it was most likely Uncle Mike coming over to watching some ball game or other. And while he loved his uncle, Kurt wasn’t about to let his clothes sit. Family was family, but he had his limits. Especially where Alexander McQueen and Michael Kors were concerned.
But when he turned around, full clothes basket in hand, Kurt was shocked to find Puck staring at him. “Noah, hi. What are you…” Kurt managed to keep his voice calm and his manner nonchalant (for which he congratulated himself). However, as he took a few steps towards Puck, it became painfully obvious that something was wrong. The worried look on Puck’s face caused Kurt’s resolve to waver slightly. “Is everything ok?”
Without saying a word, Puck moved over to the couch and sat down. When he looked at his hands instead of answering Kurt’s question, Kurt felt his heart begin to beat painfully in his chest. He hadn’t seen Puck act like this since Quinn’s miscarriage. And it took all of the strength he possessed to walk over to the couch instead of running in the opposite direction. Because while everything in Kurt’s heart was telling him to go to Puck, everything in his mind was telling him to run, to save himself.
But he couldn’t do that.
“Noah…” Kurt placed the laundry basket on the floor and sat down next to Puck.
Puck didn’t look up. Instead, he continued to stare at his hands, which he was restlessly folding and unfolding. The movement, so simple, made Kurt’s skin feel like it was crawling, and his heart beat even more furiously. When he could no longer stand it, Kurt reached out and placed his hand over Puck’s.
“Quinn wants to get back together.” Puck’s voice was flat, emotionless, and he still wouldn’t look up at Kurt. “She, umh… She doesn’t know about this.” He shook his hands a little under Kurt’s. “About us.”
All at once, Kurt felt his racing heart stop cold and his stomach drop to his feet. He’d known this was going to happen all along. There had been too many signs, too many little moments that pointed to something like this happening. But he’d tried so hard to convince himself that he was wrong and just being paranoid. Even Mercedes had told him not to worry about seeing Puck and Quinn together.
But now… here it was.
Proof that he’d been right all along.
Kurt had never been so unhappy about being right in his life.
“The text at dinner last night…” Kurt slowly pulled his hand back. But before he could totally get it away, Puck reached up and grabbed a hold of him. And oddly enough Kurt was reminded of a Venus Fly Trap snatching up a juicy fly. “The morning I saw you two…”
“Kurt!” Puck squeezed and shook Kurt’s hand so hard that Kurt was surprised his wrist didn’t crack. “Look at me.”
Until he heard Puck tell him to look at him, Kurt thought that he had been. But as the words sank in, Kurt realized that he was off somewhere else, looking back over the evidence that was now so obvious. And when he looked over at Puck, Kurt was surprised to see just how incredibly desperate his face was.
“Just…” Puck pressed his lips together into a hard line, as if it was difficult for him to speak. “Tell me to stay with you.” He swallowed deeply and squeezed Kurt’s hand painfully again. “Tell me to choose you, and I will.”
Before Kurt could even speak, he found himself shaking his head back and forth slowly. Truthfully, he wanted nothing more than to say, “Yes, stay with me.” But the words wouldn’t come. “I… I…” His voice was steadier than he would have thought possible. “I can’t make that decision for you.”
Even as he was saying the words, Kurt felt his heart breaking. Because deep down… Kurt knew what Puck’s choice would be. It was right there on Puck’s face, the disappointment and anger and confusion were so obvious in his brown eyes.
As gently as he possibly could, Kurt pulled his hand out of Puck’s grasp. It was a little sore now, and Kurt should have been happy about being able to move his fingers. But he wasn’t. His hand felt suddenly cold, and he wished that it was between Puck’s again. Puck, however, had moved his hands to his knees and was staring at the floor.
“Noah…” Kurt placed his hand tentatively on Puck’s arm, but he didn’t respond. “Noah, please.” He wasn’t begging, but his voice was insistent. And when Puck still didn’t respond, Kurt placed his hand on Puck’s cheek.
At the touch, Puck finally looked up, his eyes dark and questioning.
“I…” For a painful second, Kurt pressed his lips together as he tried to find the right words for what he wanted to say. When he spoke, his voice was low and apologetic. “I can’t, I couldn’t be with you if it was only because I’d told you to stay,” The sentence lacked all finesse or elegance. Normally, that would have bothered Kurt. But right now, all Kurt cared about Puck understanding what he was saying. “Do you know what I mean?”
For a moment, Puck didn’t say anything. All he did was stare at Kurt. And try as he might, Kurt couldn’t make out what Puck was thinking. His expression was unreadable, and the longer he was silent, the worse Kurt felt. The oppressive quiet between them was filled with an ominous foreboding that made his skin tingle. Finally, when Kurt couldn’t take it any longer, Puck nodded once.
But he didn’t say anything else.
And neither did Kurt.
Truth be told, he didn’t know what else he could say or even what he should say.
But rather than throw out some meaningless platitudes, Kurt took a deep, ragged breath before saying anything. That one lapse in nerves caused his stomach to clench painfully. Up till then, he had been steady, and despite the feeling of dread in his stomach, he’d stayed calm. But that one inhalation of breath felt like it would be the end of him.
And Kurt couldn’t, no… he wouldn’t let that happen.
So rather than try to speak, Kurt leaned forward and tenderly pressed his lips against Puck’s. For the first time since this whole mess had begun, he didn’t feel tentative or unsure. Instead, as he stroked Puck’s cheek with his thumb, Kurt was completely confident in himself and what he was doing. He might have hated himself for it, but he knew that what he was doing was right.
Kurt was just about to pull back when he felt Puck return the kiss. The touch was barely there, but there was a reverence to it that very clearly said, “I’m sorry.”
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
A few minutes after Puck left, Kurt heard his dad’s footsteps coming down the stairs. Kurt was still sitting on the couch, his now wrinkled laundry at his feet. And though he was looking down at it, he was still seeing Puck’s back as he walked up the steps and out of the basement.
But when Kurt saw his dad’s worn out work boots appear next the black laundry basket, he looked up.
Burt was staring down at him with his hands on his hips. He looked confused and a little worried. “What just happened?”
Kurt didn’t answer. Instead, he looked down at his lap, pretending to study a non-existent flaw in his plaid pants.
“Son, tell me wh-”
Before his dad could finish the sentence, Kurt looked back up. In a strained whisper, he said, “I think we just broke up.”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Kurt looked away. He didn’t think he could bear to see his dad’s face at that moment. What he said was bad enough….
“Oh, Kurt. I’m sorry.”
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
“I’m going to kill him. I’m going to bust his windows, rip him limb from limb, and then… I’m going to kill Noah Puckerman.” Mercedes’ voice was a righteous growl, and Kurt could practically see the scene she was planning in her head. And though her righteous indignation made him smile, it wasn’t what Kurt wanted.
Or what he needed.
“No, you’re not.” Kurt pushed his locker door shut and adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder. When the bag continued to bite into his neck, he felt a bone weary fatigue seep into his body.
That morning, Mercedes had met Kurt by his locker, and he’d told her the whole story. At first, he’d chosen to tell her in public in the hopes that it would help him stay calm. But as the tale had unfolded, Mercedes had begun working herself up into a fit of anger and indignation on his behalf. And having her be so upset for him had been enough to steady Kurt’s wavering emotions.
“I’m not?” Mercedes was so shocked that her eyebrows practically disappeared into her hairline. The sight was so amusing that Kurt snorted at her. That, however, only caused her eyebrows to go (if possible) higher.
“No, you are not.” Even as the words were coming out of his mouth, Kurt could hardly believe himself. A few weeks ago, he’d have been a mess in this situation. But now, Kurt felt…stronger, surer. He knew that he’d made the right decision with Puck. And even though their last kiss had almost ripped him apart, he was proud of himself for holding his ground.
“Instead, we’re going to go to class….” Kurt reached out and pulled Mercedes arm through his snuggly. “Then, after school, my house for a sappy movie marathon… Which we’ll mock, mercilessly of course, as we give each other facials.” He forced himself to smile as he steered himself and Mercedes down the hall.
“You’re really ok?” Without missing a step, Kurt leaned over and gave Mercedes a small kiss on the cheek. “I’m not exactly jumping for joy, but I’m fine.” Once again, Kurt forced a smile to cross his face.
But with each fake grin and reassuring “I’m fine,” Kurt began to realize just how much he already missed Puck.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
After lunch, Kurt stopped by his locker to change his books for his afternoon classes. He’d managed to avoid Puck all morning. And Kurt had found that if he focused hard enough, the pain he felt was almost non-existent. However, Kurt had also found that maintaining that level of focus was exhausting.
So exhausting that, when Kurt felt a small hand on his shoulder, he didn’t even jump. “Umh, Kurt… Can I talk to you for a minute?”
The voice of the person speaking was soft, almost painfully subdued. And even though it was next to unrecognizable, there was still something familiar about it. Kurt had heard it many times before. Just never quite like this.
Turning around, Kurt was surprised to find himself looking down at Quinn. The first thing he noticed was that she looked much healthier than he’d seen her in weeks. Her cheeks were healthy and pink, and her blonde hair was shining again. And for some reason, Kurt was taken aback by the fact that her hair was split into pig tails at the base of her scalp. It just seemed so childish for someone who had just lost a baby. But even though her hair seemed so wrong, Kurt noticed that her brown eyes now had a slightly haunted look about them.
As Kurt took in Quinn’s appearance, he struggled to find something appropriate to say. She just looked so… lost. “Oh, hey, Quinn. Sure.”
“Puck told me about your dad. What he did at the hospital.” Quinn gestured slightly behind her. As he followed the movement of her hand, Kurt was surprised to find Puck standing there. Up till then, Kurt had been so caught up in her appearance that he hadn’t thought about Puck or where he might be.
But now that Kurt had met eyes with the other boy, it took all of the strength he possessed not to stare at him.
“I just…” Quinn pressed her lips together and looked down at her fidgeting hands. “I just wanted to say thank you.”
“Oh.” Even though Kurt’s eyes were glued to Quinn, he could feel Puck looking at him. “You’re welcome.” Given what she was thanking him for, his response seemed so inappropriate and inadequate. But there was nothing else he could say.
Across from him, Quinn’s lip twitched, as if she was trying to smile but couldn’t summon up the energy for it. “Would you, would you thank your dad for me too?” She tried to smile again, and this time, she was almost successful.
The sight of Quinn, a ghost of the vibrant girl she’d once been, broke Kurt’s heart. “Of course.” Kurt’s voice was barely a whisper in the crowded hallway. But Kurt knew Quinn had heard him, because she nodded softly in response.
When she spoke, her voice was just as low. And Kurt couldn’t tell if she’d actually spoken or if he’d just been able to tell by the shape of her lips that she’d said, “Thank you.”
Before Kurt could decide one way or the other, Quinn had turned away from him.
But unlike Quinn, Puck hadn’t moved. Instead, he’d stayed in his place and was staring at Kurt with unreadable eyes.
For a second, they just looked at one another saying nothing and yet somehow everything at the same time. To Kurt, it seemed ridiculous that Puck’s eyes could go from being a complete puzzle to an open book in a matter of seconds. But they could, and they had. And now, Kurt could see the anger and apology and sadness in them with such clarity that it caused his chest to ache.
The surge of emotion made Kurt want to reach out and comfort Puck. But then he remembered why Puck was looking at him with such melancholy in his eyes, and the desire quickly faded away. Puck was no longer his to touch or comfort (as if he ever had been). And the space between them seemed to crackle with that fact.
Across from him, Puck opened his mouth, his eyes now full of uncertainty. But before he could speak, Quinn’s soft voice interrupted him. “Are you… Are you coming?”
Puck pressed his lips together painfully, the words obviously lost. And looking defeated he turned and followed Quinn down the hall.
Squeeka Cuomo’s Notes
- The title and opening quote for this fic come from the beautiful Weezer song, “Put Me Back Together.” You can find it here.
- To those of you who continue to follow this story and those of you who have just found it… THANK YOU. Your support is amazing and very much appreciated. :)
- Quack: You are such an awesome beta. Your boob notes make this process so much more amusing. :D
- Reviews are love.
Put Me Back Together
Chapter 1: Kiss Me Goodbye
Chapter 2: Of Soirees and Sarongs
Chapter 3: Not So Subtle
Chapter 4: Late Arrivals
Chapter 5: Breaking Point
Chapter 6: Empty Hallway
Chapter 7: Cleaning up the Mess
Chapter 8: Dirty Laundry
Chapter 9: Gossip Mongers
Chapter 10: Just Breathe
Chapter 11: Damon Salvatore vs. Dexter Morgan
Chapter 12: Cloudy - Chance of Tension
Chapter 13: Pocket Squares
Chapter 14: All Apologies
Chapter 15: The “F” Word
Chapter 16: I’ve Come Undone
Chapter 17: Not So Blissfully Numb
Chapter 18: Drunken Lullabies
Chapter 19: Unwanted Visitor
Chapter 20: Please
Chapter 21: Free For All
Chapter 22: Raditude
Chapter 23: Like Father
Chapter 24: What Other Reason
Chapter 25: Hummel Tires and Lube
Chapter 26: Nice To Meet You
Chapter 27: Comfort Food
Chapter 28: Now I’m Jell-O