Comments | squeeka_quack: One Shot Fic: Evolutionary Imperative

keeper_of_stars in squeeka_quack

One Shot Fic: Evolutionary Imperative

Sep 29, 2007 01:09

Title: Evolutionary Imperative
Author: Squeeka Cuomo
Rating: PG-13
Character(s): Gabriel Gray/Sylar
Warnings: Graphic content. Major angst.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Running his fingertips over the cool surface, the watchmaker traced the curves of his lips and the arch of his eyebrows. He looked no different than he had that morning. His hair ( Read more... )

(character) chandra suresh, (character) gabriel gray/sylar, (fandom) heroes, (author) squeeka

Comments 11

meli_64 September 29 2007, 07:19:11 UTC

Oh this was brilliant. :D

keeper_of_stars October 1 2007, 00:21:33 UTC

Thank you muchly.

atthevenue September 29 2007, 07:24:16 UTC

I'd have to say that this was beautifully written. I loved how you contrasted the ideas from the show with your writing.

I kind of want to read more of this but I don't think that could happen. :\

Great job though.

keeper_of_stars October 1 2007, 00:23:02 UTC

Yeah, that's all that my muses would allow with this particular idea. But, I'm really glad tht you enjoyed it so much. Thank you.

nurse_stiney September 29 2007, 19:06:01 UTC

Genius. Just...genius. :D I don't think I know what else to say. My mind's all esplodey in happiness. ;)

keeper_of_stars October 1 2007, 00:26:08 UTC

HAHA, yay! Thank you. :)

enaranie September 30 2007, 20:12:04 UTC

Oh, nice. ^^ I love fic like this, that takes from the show and adds in the backstory and the character's thoughts. This is lovely writing, which is even better. There's the odd mistake, like a bit where a sentence really needs to be spilt into two to make more sense, and one where it looks like you've been deliberating over a word and left both in XP

Overall, though, this is very good fic! Keep writing? ^^

keeper_of_stars October 1 2007, 00:32:36 UTC

In response to your criticism, I honestly chose to keep a few of the sentences longer. I discussed the decision with my beta and she ok-ed it. (And believe me, if it would have been horrible, she wouldn't have ok-ed it.) So, I stand by my long sentences. And, each word was chosen deliberately. If it seems like there was some hesitation over word choice, it was purposeful. I hate useless extra words.

Other than that, thank you. I'm glad that you liked it.

enaranie October 1 2007, 19:23:20 UTC

I've lost the sentence that I thought sounded off before - it was just the one, though, and as I can't find it now it might've been me misreading it XP

About the word choice, see here "Sylar studied his reflection once again still trying to catch find the new piece". There shouldn't be "catch" and "find" in there, should there? Or some kind of punctuation if there are both there? Just to make it clearer...

Also this sentence "He had confessed that their progress was lacking that the perhaps he was wrong" needs some kind of punctuation or a couple of words taking out, or both... it just doesn't really make sense as it is.

But fmeh, I'm being needlessly picky, as this really is very good fic. ^__^

keeper_of_stars October 11 2007, 19:27:02 UTC

Ok... I have no idea how either of those mistakes slipped through. Just so you know, both have been fixed.

Glad you enjoyed it.

(The comment has been removed)

keeper_of_stars November 12 2007, 06:51:39 UTC

I think... it's a very hard place for him (or anyone) to be. He's turning into this killer but yet he does still have Gabriel tucked away somewhere. And really, that's why I love the character so much. He has depth. He's not just some straight foward bad guy. I think that Mr. Quinto does a beautiful job portraying that duality.

I'm glad that you were able to connect with the work. That really means a lot to me. Thank you.