Hey, I'm alive.....AND IM KICKIN' DAMNIT!
Cleaned the room my boyfriend and I share today. It's pretty motivating, having the sole space to call your own clean. We are renting a single ten by twelve room in the upstairs of a family home with access to a tiny bathroom which we will have to share if they ever get another renter (anyone will be better than the last woman!), and "light" kitchen privileges. "Light" meaning only during the day (can't cook dinner latter than 5:30) and if they decide to throw a party on the weekend (which is nearly every weekend), we are shit-out-of-luck if we don't want to (or more often can't afford to) eat out. All of this adds up to us doing rudimentary cooking and eating in our room, which quickly equals a very messy room. Plus our issues with laundry that is. Because we can't use the washer or dryer either. Did I mention we pay $700 a month for this place?
The only reason we stay here is the simple fact we can't afford rent any higher than that, and most places wont rent a single room to two people. We can't afford to get our own apartment because we both have bad credit and can't afford first+last+deposit in one month. Currently, our only income is $1000 a month I get from my parents, supplemented with my slowly depleting savings. Neither my boyfriend or I have a job, and considering neither of us have a degree yet, our possibilities are the lowest of the low in this market right now.
Still! I am back in school and kicking ass and taking names! I most defiantly am working towards either an Art History major or a Fine Arts major, and in the classes I'm taking now I am really proving myself that I AM competent and I AM a successful and worthwhile person. I have taken this for granted many, many times over these past few years.
To any of my friends who have been wondering how I've been doing since they last talked to me, I have been struggling with clinical depression and a possible mood disorder. I have been in the hospital three times, the first right before I left Mills in 2007, and the most recent in November 2008. I've spent a lot of time thinking about how worthless I am, how pointless it is to take care of myself and my space, not planning any farther into my future than to the point where I finally did myself in. I am being open and honest about myself because I cannot be ashamed of myself if I am to move forward. I am not pulling this out in some ply for sympathy; I am simply recognizing there might be people out on this big wide internet who care for me and they deserve to know. And for all those who look at me less for my struggle, that is their own issue and I hope they have the intelligence to keep it to themselves.
Finally, I want to apologize to my friends out there on LJ who I haven't been able to help through their own struggles. I have read your journals from time to time, but not being in a good place myself, I really didn't think capable to reply.
~LEA
The only reason we stay here is the simple fact we can't afford rent any higher than that, and most places wont rent a single room to two people. We can't afford to get our own apartment because we both have bad credit and can't afford first+last+deposit in one month. Currently, our only income is $1000 a month I get from my parents, supplemented with my slowly depleting savings. Neither my boyfriend or I have a job, and considering neither of us have a degree yet, our possibilities are the lowest of the low in this market right now.
Still! I am back in school and kicking ass and taking names! I most defiantly am working towards either an Art History major or a Fine Arts major, and in the classes I'm taking now I am really proving myself that I AM competent and I AM a successful and worthwhile person. I have taken this for granted many, many times over these past few years.
To any of my friends who have been wondering how I've been doing since they last talked to me, I have been struggling with clinical depression and a possible mood disorder. I have been in the hospital three times, the first right before I left Mills in 2007, and the most recent in November 2008. I've spent a lot of time thinking about how worthless I am, how pointless it is to take care of myself and my space, not planning any farther into my future than to the point where I finally did myself in. I am being open and honest about myself because I cannot be ashamed of myself if I am to move forward. I am not pulling this out in some ply for sympathy; I am simply recognizing there might be people out on this big wide internet who care for me and they deserve to know. And for all those who look at me less for my struggle, that is their own issue and I hope they have the intelligence to keep it to themselves.
Finally, I want to apologize to my friends out there on LJ who I haven't been able to help through their own struggles. I have read your journals from time to time, but not being in a good place myself, I really didn't think capable to reply.
~LEA