(no subject)
I hate this...I feel like im living in side this bubble and whenever i try to get close to some one the bounce off into another direction. I love Alex to death but sometimes i need somebody to talk to in person not just in text. And it seems i really dont have that here. I feel so alone sometimes it hurts. The only thing i reallly talk to is my cat. I have my firends at work but its more go out laugh a bit and bitch about work which does help sometimes but *sighs* its not always workable. Im just so tired of always feeling this horrible and i dont want to hurt people by talking about it. I know im a pain in the ass to alex often because of it and i dont want anybody else to feel that way. I reallllllly dont want him to feel that way and i feel like me being in this mood constantly is...i dunno hurting 'us' ANd i know its not getting better. His mom cant be my sponser in to the Uk anylonger and ...*sighs* i dunno if they'll let me in other wise. i mean i dont make anywhere near enough to have aproper savings account. with all the bills and such i barely have a chance to save. im just so terrifyed that ill send out all of this papaer work and they'll say no. I dunno what id do...i dunno what ill be able to do...again i feel like im lost in side a giant bubble...i just dont know what to do anymore...id uno how to make him feel better and i dont know how to make my self feel better and i just feel so utterly alone right now. I wish i knew what to do..