I hope I don't sound too harsh in saying this, but I really think you need to block him or stay off skype for awhile. And I say block because I think you need weeks of no interaction with him.
The reason I say this is because I think you know that it's best for you to not be in a relationship with him. You've seen his true colors and sure, you love him, but you can't be with him long term if he remains as he is. And he doesn't think there's anything wrong with the way he was/is, so it's not going to work. I just hate the idea of seeing you in this same position again in a year or two.
You're vulnerable right now, and he knows it. He's taking advantage, and trying to charm his way into getting you back. I don't blame him, cuz you're awesome, but it's only a matter of time before he returns to his old ways. I mean, how many years did I stay with my ex because we'd fight and he'd get better for awhile? I just don't want you to make the same mistake I did.
So that's my opinion...you need to recover some more before a friendship with him is genuinely possible. And he likewise needs to understand that if he really wants more from you, he needs to do some soul searching and not only figure out what he really wants, but how to treat a woman he loves.
And just as a point of reference, this is one of the reasons that I totally cut my ex out of my life. I knew that despite how I felt about him, if he spent enough time talking about how awful he felt now that I was gone, I would relent because I'd feel bad for him. Fortunately, I learned my lesson earlier about the fact that I couldn't continue to do things for him because I didn't want to hurt him. Sometimes you have to be selfish and do what's best for you.
You're right. Even though he was being kind and flattering, there was no promise of change. He was presenting the situation as though I misunderstood for so long what he wanted, and that's why it didn't work out. It was just a misunderstanding.
I should've written this in the original entry but he said that I would always be his "primary" or his "queen." As in, I want to have other girlfriends and women but you're number one, Kate.
He wants it all. I don't know if there's a woman out there who will give it to him, but it won't be me. I do not want what he wants.
What's interesting is that he claims that he's denying part of himself if he's going to be without pickup and in a monogamous relationship. But isn't he denying part of himself when he destroys his soft side? It really doesn't make sense, and I tried to explain that to him last night but doubt I got through.
Anyway, don't worry. I don't see myself getting back together with him. I'm flattered as hell that he's trying to get me back, but he and I have such different views of relationships.
I'm glad to hear it :) And I hope that wasn't presumptuous of me...I just want to see you happy.
My guess is that he's not as concerned about destroying his softer side because it's not the "cool" side. If his friends are all doing the pickup thing, that undoubtedly plays into his desire for it. And it's really sad, because his softer side is the better one, but until he sees that he's going to continue to ignore it :/
Maybe things are different over there and he'll be able to find a woman that will accept that kind of deal. I don't know of a lot of American women who would accept it.
But really, it's almost like he needs to go back in time a few hundred years when the arrangement he wants was common practice. To me, it's really a huge disrespect for women, kind of like saying we're still their property and we should be grateful for what we have. I guess there's still a faction of men who don't believe that women have the right to demand a monogamous relationship, and I feel for them. Not that Chris has these view points necessarily, but that's just how this kind of lifestyle feels to me.
The reason I say this is because I think you know that it's best for you to not be in a relationship with him. You've seen his true colors and sure, you love him, but you can't be with him long term if he remains as he is. And he doesn't think there's anything wrong with the way he was/is, so it's not going to work. I just hate the idea of seeing you in this same position again in a year or two.
You're vulnerable right now, and he knows it. He's taking advantage, and trying to charm his way into getting you back. I don't blame him, cuz you're awesome, but it's only a matter of time before he returns to his old ways. I mean, how many years did I stay with my ex because we'd fight and he'd get better for awhile? I just don't want you to make the same mistake I did.
So that's my opinion...you need to recover some more before a friendship with him is genuinely possible. And he likewise needs to understand that if he really wants more from you, he needs to do some soul searching and not only figure out what he really wants, but how to treat a woman he loves.
And just as a point of reference, this is one of the reasons that I totally cut my ex out of my life. I knew that despite how I felt about him, if he spent enough time talking about how awful he felt now that I was gone, I would relent because I'd feel bad for him. Fortunately, I learned my lesson earlier about the fact that I couldn't continue to do things for him because I didn't want to hurt him. Sometimes you have to be selfish and do what's best for you.
*hugs*
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I should've written this in the original entry but he said that I would always be his "primary" or his "queen." As in, I want to have other girlfriends and women but you're number one, Kate.
He wants it all. I don't know if there's a woman out there who will give it to him, but it won't be me. I do not want what he wants.
What's interesting is that he claims that he's denying part of himself if he's going to be without pickup and in a monogamous relationship. But isn't he denying part of himself when he destroys his soft side? It really doesn't make sense, and I tried to explain that to him last night but doubt I got through.
Anyway, don't worry. I don't see myself getting back together with him. I'm flattered as hell that he's trying to get me back, but he and I have such different views of relationships.
Reply
My guess is that he's not as concerned about destroying his softer side because it's not the "cool" side. If his friends are all doing the pickup thing, that undoubtedly plays into his desire for it. And it's really sad, because his softer side is the better one, but until he sees that he's going to continue to ignore it :/
Maybe things are different over there and he'll be able to find a woman that will accept that kind of deal. I don't know of a lot of American women who would accept it.
But really, it's almost like he needs to go back in time a few hundred years when the arrangement he wants was common practice. To me, it's really a huge disrespect for women, kind of like saying we're still their property and we should be grateful for what we have. I guess there's still a faction of men who don't believe that women have the right to demand a monogamous relationship, and I feel for them. Not that Chris has these view points necessarily, but that's just how this kind of lifestyle feels to me.
Reply
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