Long, On the Train
It is 6:09 PM on Friday, and I am sitting on a train headed for Bratislava, Slovakia. Once I get to Bratislava, I will buy a ticket for Vienna and board a 50-minute train that will get into Vienna shortly after midnight. This is the only way I can get to Vienna on a Friday without taking off early from work.
I am writing now, because I wanted to update today but didn't have time during my lunch as I had to buy my train ticket. So I'll upload this in Vienna. Fascinating, I'm sure.
Wednesday evening, I was supposed to go to some English-speaking wine event with Caroline where we would meet some new girl who will hopefully be our new best bud to partially fill the void left by Leslie, who I have not heard from since she moved to the Netherlands on July 17, but Facebook activities, while sporadic, would at least indicate that she is still alive.
Anyway, Caroline and I showed up at the wine event and there was a note posted on the door of the shop, saying it was cancelled. I didn't care one way or the other, but she was really grumpy after that. She wanted wine, so I suggested we go some place else for wine, but she wanted this wine event because it had an American guy hosting it.
Also, Caroline wanted to make a new friend. And while she'd doled out her phone number to this new girl, Caroline didn't have any way to get in touch with her. So, Caroline was in a pretty bad mood for a while but we still ended up staying out and drinking beer for a good four hours.
Even though I only had two glasses in that long period of time, I think I was surprisingly drunk since I didn't have dinner. We popped into the pizzeria where Fouad used to work and I had a disappointing slice with broccoli and ham, but it wasn't very filling. Hence, I was pretty drunk. (Also, two of the guys at the pizzeria recognized me but didn't give me free pizza. They did mention Fouad, though, but one of them kept saying, “I don't know Fouad,” and I have no idea what that meant.)
Anyway, this is just back story for me to say that I was a bit drunk when I got home, and I just felt a bit sad. I was sad because I'd been drinking, because Caroline had been grumpy most of the evening, and because I had sort of hoped to return home to an email from David. There was none, which shouldn't have been surprising because I hadn't contacted him since he wrote his apology for not going paddleboating, poked me on Facebook, and used some Facebook application to say he “liked” me.
Chris was online but playing World of Warcraft so we barely spoke. I got online in a webcam chat with Kev, then, and he asked me why I looked so sad. It wasn't long before I was wiping tears off of my face, and he asked me to call him so he could cheer me up. He did, actually, but the most profound thing that came out of that was his asking me why I am sad and my replying “because it hurts that [David] is ok with never seeing me again.” Even saying that now makes me feel like I could start crying.
Kev responded that David “doesn't know.” Presumably, David doesn't know that he won't see me again. Indeed.
Kev left on Thursday to go to a hash weekend and then travel for a week with his wife, but he offered to text me every day until he returns, just to cheer me up. It's only Friday but so far he's made good on it.
(Also, Dan doesn't believe me when I tell him that Kev is happily married and has no romantic interest in me, saying that no man who is happily married talks to another woman every day. Typing Kev's offer of daily texts makes me think that Dan may have a point, but I also think that men like Dan and Kev are rare, good creatures and they have yet to prove me wrong.)
So, Kev was right. David still wanted to see me again, and he texted me last night a little past 7 with “Hey Kate how are you?”
Kate: “I am good. How are your preparations for Brussels going?”
David: “Slowly but surely. Are you doing anything tonight?”
And this is where I lied. I said that I was out to dinner with Caroline and two other girls, which was what I had been invited to do but was not what I was actually doing. I was at home, but I didn't want to see David, and so I lied.
I thought that this would be fine, and that it was better than vaguely saying I was busy because it didn't convey disinterest but clearly showed that I was unavailable.
He asked if we could meet after, and I said something like “we'll see” and offered to text him when I left dinner, intending to make that quite late. In retrospect, it was incredibly rude not to just say no, but I hate turning people down like that.
What ended up happening, though, is that he texted me shortly after 10 to say that he thought I'd be home by then and that he was outside my apartment, waiting for me to come home.
I texted to say “oh dear” and he tried to get me to come join him. I said I was far away and it'd take me at least 30 minutes to get home. I basically felt like a horrible person. It must've taken him a good 20 minutes to get to my place and he was pacing around outside for another 30 minutes, waiting for me. I was not, however, going to meet him.
Basically, I ended up telling him that I wouldn't be home for a while and he left in a bad mood that was conveyed to me by my apologizing for being “cruel” and his responding, “Cruel indeed.”
This triggered me to write that he couldn't call me cruel because I had never been unkind to him. This got no response so I asked if I would see him again or if he was too pissed.
David: “Yes sure.”
And then I sent him something really cheesy that basically translated into “I LOVE YOU, DAVID.” Something like, “Good. Not having you around is something I don't want to imagine. September will suck.” (In September, he will move to Brussels.)
David's response came rather quickly: “Visit Brussels.”
From there, we both sent each other another 4-5 messages. I apologized, but mostly we flirted.
I was sort of giddy at the thought of his inviting me to visit him in Brussels, but I also imagined that if he visited Prague, he may want to spend an evening or two with me, but mostly he'd rather hang out with his real friends. And in his first month or so in Brussels, he'll probably welcome any visitors who will entertain him in some capacity.
I was also thinking that if I lost weight, learned French, and found a great job in Brussels, sure, he might date me. But as I am, I'm not good enough to bring along for his new journey in Brussels. Only for a weekend, and, even then, I wonder how he'd get around his aversion to introducing me to people. My guess is that he'd ask me to visit him during the week so that he could be at work all day and only spend the evenings with me. Clever.
So, really, nothing has changed: David would date me if I changed myself completely, and he won't object to spending time with me, as long as no one else sees us together.
I feel bad about making him stand outside for so long last night, but it was much better than letting him in.
I am writing now, because I wanted to update today but didn't have time during my lunch as I had to buy my train ticket. So I'll upload this in Vienna. Fascinating, I'm sure.
Wednesday evening, I was supposed to go to some English-speaking wine event with Caroline where we would meet some new girl who will hopefully be our new best bud to partially fill the void left by Leslie, who I have not heard from since she moved to the Netherlands on July 17, but Facebook activities, while sporadic, would at least indicate that she is still alive.
Anyway, Caroline and I showed up at the wine event and there was a note posted on the door of the shop, saying it was cancelled. I didn't care one way or the other, but she was really grumpy after that. She wanted wine, so I suggested we go some place else for wine, but she wanted this wine event because it had an American guy hosting it.
Also, Caroline wanted to make a new friend. And while she'd doled out her phone number to this new girl, Caroline didn't have any way to get in touch with her. So, Caroline was in a pretty bad mood for a while but we still ended up staying out and drinking beer for a good four hours.
Even though I only had two glasses in that long period of time, I think I was surprisingly drunk since I didn't have dinner. We popped into the pizzeria where Fouad used to work and I had a disappointing slice with broccoli and ham, but it wasn't very filling. Hence, I was pretty drunk. (Also, two of the guys at the pizzeria recognized me but didn't give me free pizza. They did mention Fouad, though, but one of them kept saying, “I don't know Fouad,” and I have no idea what that meant.)
Anyway, this is just back story for me to say that I was a bit drunk when I got home, and I just felt a bit sad. I was sad because I'd been drinking, because Caroline had been grumpy most of the evening, and because I had sort of hoped to return home to an email from David. There was none, which shouldn't have been surprising because I hadn't contacted him since he wrote his apology for not going paddleboating, poked me on Facebook, and used some Facebook application to say he “liked” me.
Chris was online but playing World of Warcraft so we barely spoke. I got online in a webcam chat with Kev, then, and he asked me why I looked so sad. It wasn't long before I was wiping tears off of my face, and he asked me to call him so he could cheer me up. He did, actually, but the most profound thing that came out of that was his asking me why I am sad and my replying “because it hurts that [David] is ok with never seeing me again.” Even saying that now makes me feel like I could start crying.
Kev responded that David “doesn't know.” Presumably, David doesn't know that he won't see me again. Indeed.
Kev left on Thursday to go to a hash weekend and then travel for a week with his wife, but he offered to text me every day until he returns, just to cheer me up. It's only Friday but so far he's made good on it.
(Also, Dan doesn't believe me when I tell him that Kev is happily married and has no romantic interest in me, saying that no man who is happily married talks to another woman every day. Typing Kev's offer of daily texts makes me think that Dan may have a point, but I also think that men like Dan and Kev are rare, good creatures and they have yet to prove me wrong.)
So, Kev was right. David still wanted to see me again, and he texted me last night a little past 7 with “Hey Kate how are you?”
Kate: “I am good. How are your preparations for Brussels going?”
David: “Slowly but surely. Are you doing anything tonight?”
And this is where I lied. I said that I was out to dinner with Caroline and two other girls, which was what I had been invited to do but was not what I was actually doing. I was at home, but I didn't want to see David, and so I lied.
I thought that this would be fine, and that it was better than vaguely saying I was busy because it didn't convey disinterest but clearly showed that I was unavailable.
He asked if we could meet after, and I said something like “we'll see” and offered to text him when I left dinner, intending to make that quite late. In retrospect, it was incredibly rude not to just say no, but I hate turning people down like that.
What ended up happening, though, is that he texted me shortly after 10 to say that he thought I'd be home by then and that he was outside my apartment, waiting for me to come home.
I texted to say “oh dear” and he tried to get me to come join him. I said I was far away and it'd take me at least 30 minutes to get home. I basically felt like a horrible person. It must've taken him a good 20 minutes to get to my place and he was pacing around outside for another 30 minutes, waiting for me. I was not, however, going to meet him.
Basically, I ended up telling him that I wouldn't be home for a while and he left in a bad mood that was conveyed to me by my apologizing for being “cruel” and his responding, “Cruel indeed.”
This triggered me to write that he couldn't call me cruel because I had never been unkind to him. This got no response so I asked if I would see him again or if he was too pissed.
David: “Yes sure.”
And then I sent him something really cheesy that basically translated into “I LOVE YOU, DAVID.” Something like, “Good. Not having you around is something I don't want to imagine. September will suck.” (In September, he will move to Brussels.)
David's response came rather quickly: “Visit Brussels.”
From there, we both sent each other another 4-5 messages. I apologized, but mostly we flirted.
I was sort of giddy at the thought of his inviting me to visit him in Brussels, but I also imagined that if he visited Prague, he may want to spend an evening or two with me, but mostly he'd rather hang out with his real friends. And in his first month or so in Brussels, he'll probably welcome any visitors who will entertain him in some capacity.
I was also thinking that if I lost weight, learned French, and found a great job in Brussels, sure, he might date me. But as I am, I'm not good enough to bring along for his new journey in Brussels. Only for a weekend, and, even then, I wonder how he'd get around his aversion to introducing me to people. My guess is that he'd ask me to visit him during the week so that he could be at work all day and only spend the evenings with me. Clever.
So, really, nothing has changed: David would date me if I changed myself completely, and he won't object to spending time with me, as long as no one else sees us together.
I feel bad about making him stand outside for so long last night, but it was much better than letting him in.