The Return of Pie
At long last, I have a functioning bathroom scale that I can get on, get off of, and then get back on and replicate the weight that it displayed mere seconds before. Amazing!
And since I last fretted about my weight, several weeks ago, I have lost 5.5 pounds. That means that I have 34.5 more to lose, and I have lost 39.5 since what I have recorded as my all-time high. But that’s clinging to weight loss from almost two years ago, so I will focus instead on the 40 pound goal that I set for myself this year, and the 5.5 already lost.
I’m not quite ready to talk about Chris in detail, but I will say that he asked to open our relationship, so that he and I both can sleep with other people. I was not happy about this, and he knows that. Given the no marriage and no children things and now this, it’s hard to justify staying with him. But he has this very clear idea of how he will always have me and that we will be close and in love but he will occasionally sleep with other women who he will treat as mere toys. And they will understand that that’s all they are. This is how every relationship he has ever had has gone. He even lived with and was engaged to another woman, and they were together for four years. Every now and then, they would each go out and fuck other people and that was just like going out for drinks with friends. This is the future he envisions for us.
He bought train tickets today to come here for the Easter weekend. The part of me that is most hurt by all of this wants to give him an amazing time and then dump him so he really feels what he is missing. But I’m having trouble concealing my hurt, and I again told him last night that this may be the end.
He had trouble sleeping, he said, laying awake for hours thinking about how much he doesn’t want to lose me and then waking up again around 4 to think about it some more. I guess he could be lying about that, but I believe him when he tells me how much it hurts him to think about losing me. I think his assessment was that he could ask me for just about anything and I’m weak enough that I’ll comply, even if I’m not happy about it. He now has a glimpse of potential strength and it’s knocked him back slightly.
It won’t close the relationship, though, and I know that. Either I accept it or we break up. But maybe he’ll learn something from this, which is that he can’t have everything.
Also, one of my friends really wants to date me. I mean, REALLY. So leaving Chris doesn’t even mean that I have to be alone, although I’m disgusted to the point that several months of man-hating sounds remarkably appealing. Just in time for spring!
Photos from our last weekend in Vienna:
Chris:
And me with very messy hair:
And since I last fretted about my weight, several weeks ago, I have lost 5.5 pounds. That means that I have 34.5 more to lose, and I have lost 39.5 since what I have recorded as my all-time high. But that’s clinging to weight loss from almost two years ago, so I will focus instead on the 40 pound goal that I set for myself this year, and the 5.5 already lost.
I’m not quite ready to talk about Chris in detail, but I will say that he asked to open our relationship, so that he and I both can sleep with other people. I was not happy about this, and he knows that. Given the no marriage and no children things and now this, it’s hard to justify staying with him. But he has this very clear idea of how he will always have me and that we will be close and in love but he will occasionally sleep with other women who he will treat as mere toys. And they will understand that that’s all they are. This is how every relationship he has ever had has gone. He even lived with and was engaged to another woman, and they were together for four years. Every now and then, they would each go out and fuck other people and that was just like going out for drinks with friends. This is the future he envisions for us.
He bought train tickets today to come here for the Easter weekend. The part of me that is most hurt by all of this wants to give him an amazing time and then dump him so he really feels what he is missing. But I’m having trouble concealing my hurt, and I again told him last night that this may be the end.
He had trouble sleeping, he said, laying awake for hours thinking about how much he doesn’t want to lose me and then waking up again around 4 to think about it some more. I guess he could be lying about that, but I believe him when he tells me how much it hurts him to think about losing me. I think his assessment was that he could ask me for just about anything and I’m weak enough that I’ll comply, even if I’m not happy about it. He now has a glimpse of potential strength and it’s knocked him back slightly.
It won’t close the relationship, though, and I know that. Either I accept it or we break up. But maybe he’ll learn something from this, which is that he can’t have everything.
Also, one of my friends really wants to date me. I mean, REALLY. So leaving Chris doesn’t even mean that I have to be alone, although I’m disgusted to the point that several months of man-hating sounds remarkably appealing. Just in time for spring!
Photos from our last weekend in Vienna:
Chris:
And me with very messy hair: