Simply Irresistible
In my last post, I wrote about how I made a new friend named Honza and he and I went to the cinema together. He’s new in Prague, so I decided to invite him to dinner with my friends on Saturday. I was sort of thinking that he might be interested in dating Leslie, because she’s fantastic and he's, presumably, single. I didn’t know because we didn’t talk about any of his relationships. He could’ve been gay for all I knew.
So we were a dinner party of 8 people-me and three of my friends along with him and three of his friends. One of his friends was a handsome Slovak guy, and Leslie chatted him up, but I don’t think he had a very good time. He drank a couple of beers, didn’t eat, and left. Meanwhile, Honza was telling me that he didn’t really feel like himself and was really quiet until about 10:30 when we left the restaurant, and I figured we’d all call it a night.
But he perked up at that point and said that it was a bummer for the night to end so early and so I asked if he wanted to go to a pub and get a drink. He said yes. And, of course, I asked Leslie to join us. So the three of us found a spot and had another beer. I tried to encourage a conversation between the two of them and did a lot of nodding and agreeing while they talked. At one point, I went to the bathroom and did my best not to rejoin the conversation, thinking that maybe they were hitting it off.
Unfortunately, we were shooed out of the pub around midnight and Leslie went in one direction while Honza and I went in another. We made it about a block before he took me by the shoulder and stopped me, turned me around, and planted one on me. And then he tried to get me to invite him back to my apartment. Not for sex, he said, but so he could hug me and feel close to me. So that we could sleep in the same bed and touch, but not have sex.
And I about had a panic attack, because I was so uncomfortable and yet I didn’t want to be rude. Christ.
He begged. He actually said “I’m begging you” but I said no, no, no, and when I finally escaped and got home, I had to take a bath because I felt so uncomfortable and gross.
The next day, he called several times and I couldn't bring myself to answer. He texted me a few times as well, saying that I was lovely and that he really likes me and that he hoped he hadn't messed anything up.
And I felt worse in ignoring him, because I imagined myself in his position. I imagined meeting someone I really liked and hitting on that person and then trying to pick up the pieces of the friendship when it didn't work out the way I wanted it to.
Throughout the day, his messages to me grew so much more pathetic that I finally did answer and even agreed to meet him for a drink because he felt the need to explain himself.
I told everything to Chris, who was angry at Honza and then angry at me for allowing him to manipulate me into seeing him. But since I have been just that pathetic before, I had to empathize with him.
Anyway, Honza and I met for a beer at a restaurant not far from my apartment, and he told me that he's really needy and clingy and emotionally repressed. I could tell that he was concentrating on his breathing and trying to relax himself because he was just so nervous.
He told me that he hadn't intended to meet someone who he wanted to date but that I was just so gorgeous and had really knocked him back.
Honestly, it reminded me of meeting David, but I felt on the opposite side--that here was this person who I barely knew who was practically ready to profess his love. I think my initial feelings for David were similarly strong--irrationally strong.
So I saw myself in Honza but still hated the situation that I was in and ended up crying, even though I tried very much to hide it.
Anyway, it was perhaps against my better judgment but I told him that we could still be friends. This was before Chris made me promise never to see him again, because he thought that Honza was going to take advantage of me and rape me or something, but I really think that he's just a very sad person who needs a friend. If Honza falls in love with me, then being around me won't be good for him, but if he doesn't, then I'm a great person to have around.
But...we'll see. I'm thinking about doing a spring cleaning of my circle of friends. Actually, only one person would get booted out of that and that's David. I thought he was sending me one of those god-awful "I don't have time for you now" Facebook messages last night (although it was still asking for a favor), which really irked me because I know he's having a party on Wednesday (I'm not invited, though). But then he sent me another Facebook message shortly after with a suggestion for the next time he and I watch a movie together.
But he should really get booted because that first message made me feel so terrible about myself--I'm good enough to do favors for him and hang out with him when he's got nothing else on, but he doesn't have time at the moment. Right.
I still haven't answered him, because I don't have a clue how to. And maybe I won't. Nothing good comes out of that friendship anyway.
So we were a dinner party of 8 people-me and three of my friends along with him and three of his friends. One of his friends was a handsome Slovak guy, and Leslie chatted him up, but I don’t think he had a very good time. He drank a couple of beers, didn’t eat, and left. Meanwhile, Honza was telling me that he didn’t really feel like himself and was really quiet until about 10:30 when we left the restaurant, and I figured we’d all call it a night.
But he perked up at that point and said that it was a bummer for the night to end so early and so I asked if he wanted to go to a pub and get a drink. He said yes. And, of course, I asked Leslie to join us. So the three of us found a spot and had another beer. I tried to encourage a conversation between the two of them and did a lot of nodding and agreeing while they talked. At one point, I went to the bathroom and did my best not to rejoin the conversation, thinking that maybe they were hitting it off.
Unfortunately, we were shooed out of the pub around midnight and Leslie went in one direction while Honza and I went in another. We made it about a block before he took me by the shoulder and stopped me, turned me around, and planted one on me. And then he tried to get me to invite him back to my apartment. Not for sex, he said, but so he could hug me and feel close to me. So that we could sleep in the same bed and touch, but not have sex.
And I about had a panic attack, because I was so uncomfortable and yet I didn’t want to be rude. Christ.
He begged. He actually said “I’m begging you” but I said no, no, no, and when I finally escaped and got home, I had to take a bath because I felt so uncomfortable and gross.
The next day, he called several times and I couldn't bring myself to answer. He texted me a few times as well, saying that I was lovely and that he really likes me and that he hoped he hadn't messed anything up.
And I felt worse in ignoring him, because I imagined myself in his position. I imagined meeting someone I really liked and hitting on that person and then trying to pick up the pieces of the friendship when it didn't work out the way I wanted it to.
Throughout the day, his messages to me grew so much more pathetic that I finally did answer and even agreed to meet him for a drink because he felt the need to explain himself.
I told everything to Chris, who was angry at Honza and then angry at me for allowing him to manipulate me into seeing him. But since I have been just that pathetic before, I had to empathize with him.
Anyway, Honza and I met for a beer at a restaurant not far from my apartment, and he told me that he's really needy and clingy and emotionally repressed. I could tell that he was concentrating on his breathing and trying to relax himself because he was just so nervous.
He told me that he hadn't intended to meet someone who he wanted to date but that I was just so gorgeous and had really knocked him back.
Honestly, it reminded me of meeting David, but I felt on the opposite side--that here was this person who I barely knew who was practically ready to profess his love. I think my initial feelings for David were similarly strong--irrationally strong.
So I saw myself in Honza but still hated the situation that I was in and ended up crying, even though I tried very much to hide it.
Anyway, it was perhaps against my better judgment but I told him that we could still be friends. This was before Chris made me promise never to see him again, because he thought that Honza was going to take advantage of me and rape me or something, but I really think that he's just a very sad person who needs a friend. If Honza falls in love with me, then being around me won't be good for him, but if he doesn't, then I'm a great person to have around.
But...we'll see. I'm thinking about doing a spring cleaning of my circle of friends. Actually, only one person would get booted out of that and that's David. I thought he was sending me one of those god-awful "I don't have time for you now" Facebook messages last night (although it was still asking for a favor), which really irked me because I know he's having a party on Wednesday (I'm not invited, though). But then he sent me another Facebook message shortly after with a suggestion for the next time he and I watch a movie together.
But he should really get booted because that first message made me feel so terrible about myself--I'm good enough to do favors for him and hang out with him when he's got nothing else on, but he doesn't have time at the moment. Right.
I still haven't answered him, because I don't have a clue how to. And maybe I won't. Nothing good comes out of that friendship anyway.