Love-Induced Anxiety?
My weekend in Vienna was great, except I didn't tell Chris that I love him (which, by the way, I totally do).
Chris and I have been talking a lot about love--about love songs that we have for each other, about how he doesn't find it necessary to always say "I love you" but instead to show it, and other mushy things.
Plus he told me that I'm one of the most amazing people he's ever met, that he's always wanted a girlfriend like me, and that he wished I would stay with him forever (as in, not go back to Prague, because we have a lot of fun together).
In a nutshell, he seems to think quite highly of me.
[EDIT at 3:46 PM: I'm rereading this and it sounds so stupid because I'm imagining Chris reading it and my feelings and observations sound so juvenile. But I'm trying to simplify strong feelings into a few paragraphs and it's difficult.]
Unfortunately, he also said this: "I think you are amazing, Katie, and I love you."
Well, that's not the unfortunate part. What's unfortunate is that we weren't even looking at each other, and so he didn't even get to see if I reacted in the beat before he corrected what he said to this: "I like you."
And so I lost my nerve.
I asked him again last night what he feels about me, and he said that he likes me, and then he changed that to say that what he feels for me is "a bit more than like."
Now I said before that I know he'll never be the first to say it, but it does make me wonder if I'm jumping the gun. The easiest thing, obviously, would be to just wait a bit longer.
And yet I feel so anxious (and this entry might sound quite choppy because I'm having trouble holding a complete thought in my head because I'm so anxious at the moment) and I wonder if getting it out there would make me feel better. An email is cowardly but I think it would relax me.
Chris and I have been talking a lot about love--about love songs that we have for each other, about how he doesn't find it necessary to always say "I love you" but instead to show it, and other mushy things.
Plus he told me that I'm one of the most amazing people he's ever met, that he's always wanted a girlfriend like me, and that he wished I would stay with him forever (as in, not go back to Prague, because we have a lot of fun together).
In a nutshell, he seems to think quite highly of me.
[EDIT at 3:46 PM: I'm rereading this and it sounds so stupid because I'm imagining Chris reading it and my feelings and observations sound so juvenile. But I'm trying to simplify strong feelings into a few paragraphs and it's difficult.]
Unfortunately, he also said this: "I think you are amazing, Katie, and I love you."
Well, that's not the unfortunate part. What's unfortunate is that we weren't even looking at each other, and so he didn't even get to see if I reacted in the beat before he corrected what he said to this: "I like you."
And so I lost my nerve.
I asked him again last night what he feels about me, and he said that he likes me, and then he changed that to say that what he feels for me is "a bit more than like."
Now I said before that I know he'll never be the first to say it, but it does make me wonder if I'm jumping the gun. The easiest thing, obviously, would be to just wait a bit longer.
And yet I feel so anxious (and this entry might sound quite choppy because I'm having trouble holding a complete thought in my head because I'm so anxious at the moment) and I wonder if getting it out there would make me feel better. An email is cowardly but I think it would relax me.