Life with Chris
After a five-hour train ride last night, I am back from nine days in Vienna. That was nine days spent in close proximity with Chris, living in his apartment. Aside from two nights out--one at a concert during which I met two of his brothers and his parents and the other at his best friend's birthday party--our time was entirely one-on-one.
And it went very well indeed. He is incredibly easy to live with, because living with him is almost identical to living with myself. This is not to say that our personalities are the same or that dating him is in any way like it would be to date myself (actually, we're quite different in these things, as he is extremely extroverted and I'm definitely an introvert), but our habits are remarkably similar.
Obviously there's good and bad to this, but his actions are so easy for me to understand and I quite like that.
We are now at an interesting point in our relationship where the excessive amount of time we've spent together makes it feel like we are much closer than the 5-6 weeks we've been dating would imply. There's been no serious "L" word talk, although he keeps using it, and I think it's partly to test my reaction to it and partly because it is natural to say "Oh my God, I love you!" when someone does something that you think is awesome and not actually mean that you love that person.
But he did say, "I love my girlfriend," and it neither felt like a test nor hyperbole. Of course, this has yet to be important but it does feel like those words are missing after being so intimate and close with him.
Other things: In front of his parents, he invited me to spend Christmas with his family, but I only smiled because I think it's important for them to make that decision together, without me. I don't want to invade their holidays just because he was momentarily enthusiastic.
He later told me that all he wants for Christmas is to spend a few days with me. I know that sounds really cheesy now but it didn't feel that way. It felt very sweet and honest--like he just wants to squeak out a couple of days together and that's all.
We seemed to have a breakthrough around the 7th day. I forget if the "all I want for Christmas" conversation was included in that, but I had said something to him a couple of days before and he mulled it over and realized that it was the key to his letting his guard down. He continued to say that he wished I would stay--that my company would open an office in Vienna--and that I made him feel fulfilled and complete.
And it did not feel cheesy or manipulative.
To be honest, sometimes his enthusiasm about me feels contrived and I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive or not. I do feel a bit damaged after some of my more recent interactions, but, so far, I think it's okay for me to second guess.
Moving forward will look like this: he will come visit me in Prague for a weekend in two or three weeks, and I will go back to Vienna around the third weekend in November. I will begin learning German, which is, of course, for myself but also because it would be necessary if I ever moved to Vienna.
Now I know what you're thinking! Kate, it's only been 5-6 weeks and you're talking about moving to another city to be with him! Well, yes, but let's be clear: I have no interest in leaving my job for at least another year, which means I will live in Prague for another year--possibly until 2010. That means that he and I will have been together a lot longer than 5-6 weeks before something like that happens. However, my German skills would have to be fantastic to live in Austria, and so I will have to start now. If things don't work out between us, I've still learned another language and enabled myself to live in three of the coolest damn countries in Europe. I don't see the problem here.
And it went very well indeed. He is incredibly easy to live with, because living with him is almost identical to living with myself. This is not to say that our personalities are the same or that dating him is in any way like it would be to date myself (actually, we're quite different in these things, as he is extremely extroverted and I'm definitely an introvert), but our habits are remarkably similar.
Obviously there's good and bad to this, but his actions are so easy for me to understand and I quite like that.
We are now at an interesting point in our relationship where the excessive amount of time we've spent together makes it feel like we are much closer than the 5-6 weeks we've been dating would imply. There's been no serious "L" word talk, although he keeps using it, and I think it's partly to test my reaction to it and partly because it is natural to say "Oh my God, I love you!" when someone does something that you think is awesome and not actually mean that you love that person.
But he did say, "I love my girlfriend," and it neither felt like a test nor hyperbole. Of course, this has yet to be important but it does feel like those words are missing after being so intimate and close with him.
Other things: In front of his parents, he invited me to spend Christmas with his family, but I only smiled because I think it's important for them to make that decision together, without me. I don't want to invade their holidays just because he was momentarily enthusiastic.
He later told me that all he wants for Christmas is to spend a few days with me. I know that sounds really cheesy now but it didn't feel that way. It felt very sweet and honest--like he just wants to squeak out a couple of days together and that's all.
We seemed to have a breakthrough around the 7th day. I forget if the "all I want for Christmas" conversation was included in that, but I had said something to him a couple of days before and he mulled it over and realized that it was the key to his letting his guard down. He continued to say that he wished I would stay--that my company would open an office in Vienna--and that I made him feel fulfilled and complete.
And it did not feel cheesy or manipulative.
To be honest, sometimes his enthusiasm about me feels contrived and I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive or not. I do feel a bit damaged after some of my more recent interactions, but, so far, I think it's okay for me to second guess.
Moving forward will look like this: he will come visit me in Prague for a weekend in two or three weeks, and I will go back to Vienna around the third weekend in November. I will begin learning German, which is, of course, for myself but also because it would be necessary if I ever moved to Vienna.
Now I know what you're thinking! Kate, it's only been 5-6 weeks and you're talking about moving to another city to be with him! Well, yes, but let's be clear: I have no interest in leaving my job for at least another year, which means I will live in Prague for another year--possibly until 2010. That means that he and I will have been together a lot longer than 5-6 weeks before something like that happens. However, my German skills would have to be fantastic to live in Austria, and so I will have to start now. If things don't work out between us, I've still learned another language and enabled myself to live in three of the coolest damn countries in Europe. I don't see the problem here.