Completely Unattached
Despite my better judgment and despite my emotional ties to Chris, from whom I have heard nothing since May 2nd, I decided to give Kosta a chance, romantically.
It was against my better judgment for several reasons, not least of which is that, on the day he met me, he told me that I would be really hot…if only I would lose 30 pounds.
While that may be true and that may be honest, it simply didn’t bode well.
Less than a week later, he followed that up by telling me that he didn’t want to show me pictures of his ex-wife and the woman he dumped to pursue a relationship with his ex-wife.
He said, “They are very beautiful, and I don’t want you to compare yourself to them. I know it’ll make you feel bad.”
Eventually, I did see his ex-wife (actually, possibly even that same day), and I didn’t know what all the fuss was about. She wasn’t ugly or anything, but she wasn’t off to shoot the cover of Vogue, either. After that, I’m not sure if the initial comment was more insulting at face value or because he thought that an average looking woman could destroy my self esteem.
We moved forward.
I started to notice that he had a very preachy way of talking, like he was always making a point, always proving himself. And he was always disagreeing with me.
(I know I’m saying “always”-all of these observations were made in about a month’s time but from frequent meetings.)
I could say something as simple as, “I'm feeling really tired from that beer,” and he would say, “No, it’s not the beer” as though he knew my body and my metabolism. It’s okay every now and then to assert another opinion but I soon realized that I couldn’t say anything without him disagreeing with it.
Plus, it wasn’t as if I were saying things that were wrong and therefore needed correcting. Sometimes he sounded like he was talking out of his ass.
Here’s an actual conversation with some liberties taken because my memory isn’t fantastic.
Kosta: The best way to match two people together is to look at their genetic codes.
Kate: Really? But my genetic code doesn’t tell you what kind of people I like to hang out with or what kind of music I like.
Kosta: Yes, it does.
Kate: What? The kind of music I like is in my genetic code?
Kosta: Yes.
Kate: ...Really?
Kosta: Well, what is music to you?
Kate: I don’t know; what do you think music is?
Kosta: No, what is music to you?
Kate: Listen, this isn’t a class and you aren’t teaching me a lesson. Please, just explain yourself.
Kosta: Well, this is the class of life and you are learning every day from things around you.
Kate: Oh dear Lord.
And then he went on to talk about music as a series of tones and sound waves, and I realized that I just had to nod and agree.
...And now we’re broken up, and I feel sad about it or at least by the failure of the relationship, the failure to connect with him.
Meanwhile, Kosta isn't sad; he's angry. He sent me a long Facebook message about how I’m too young to know what I want and how to enjoy a relationship and he said that he could “cultivate” me but he’s too busy working on his science projects.
I just don’t even know where to go with that.
But I do know that I want to reestablish contact with Chris, although he still gets some sort of communication from me every day, so I don’t know what else there is to do. I’d also like to feel at peace with Kosta.
On another note, I’m glad that the fascinating person that caused me to write my post about “oversharing” isn’t either of these blokes, or else things would look pretty bleak. Although, actually, it is quite bleak at the moment. Give me a few days.
It was against my better judgment for several reasons, not least of which is that, on the day he met me, he told me that I would be really hot…if only I would lose 30 pounds.
While that may be true and that may be honest, it simply didn’t bode well.
Less than a week later, he followed that up by telling me that he didn’t want to show me pictures of his ex-wife and the woman he dumped to pursue a relationship with his ex-wife.
He said, “They are very beautiful, and I don’t want you to compare yourself to them. I know it’ll make you feel bad.”
Eventually, I did see his ex-wife (actually, possibly even that same day), and I didn’t know what all the fuss was about. She wasn’t ugly or anything, but she wasn’t off to shoot the cover of Vogue, either. After that, I’m not sure if the initial comment was more insulting at face value or because he thought that an average looking woman could destroy my self esteem.
We moved forward.
I started to notice that he had a very preachy way of talking, like he was always making a point, always proving himself. And he was always disagreeing with me.
(I know I’m saying “always”-all of these observations were made in about a month’s time but from frequent meetings.)
I could say something as simple as, “I'm feeling really tired from that beer,” and he would say, “No, it’s not the beer” as though he knew my body and my metabolism. It’s okay every now and then to assert another opinion but I soon realized that I couldn’t say anything without him disagreeing with it.
Plus, it wasn’t as if I were saying things that were wrong and therefore needed correcting. Sometimes he sounded like he was talking out of his ass.
Here’s an actual conversation with some liberties taken because my memory isn’t fantastic.
Kosta: The best way to match two people together is to look at their genetic codes.
Kate: Really? But my genetic code doesn’t tell you what kind of people I like to hang out with or what kind of music I like.
Kosta: Yes, it does.
Kate: What? The kind of music I like is in my genetic code?
Kosta: Yes.
Kate: ...Really?
Kosta: Well, what is music to you?
Kate: I don’t know; what do you think music is?
Kosta: No, what is music to you?
Kate: Listen, this isn’t a class and you aren’t teaching me a lesson. Please, just explain yourself.
Kosta: Well, this is the class of life and you are learning every day from things around you.
Kate: Oh dear Lord.
And then he went on to talk about music as a series of tones and sound waves, and I realized that I just had to nod and agree.
...And now we’re broken up, and I feel sad about it or at least by the failure of the relationship, the failure to connect with him.
Meanwhile, Kosta isn't sad; he's angry. He sent me a long Facebook message about how I’m too young to know what I want and how to enjoy a relationship and he said that he could “cultivate” me but he’s too busy working on his science projects.
I just don’t even know where to go with that.
But I do know that I want to reestablish contact with Chris, although he still gets some sort of communication from me every day, so I don’t know what else there is to do. I’d also like to feel at peace with Kosta.
On another note, I’m glad that the fascinating person that caused me to write my post about “oversharing” isn’t either of these blokes, or else things would look pretty bleak. Although, actually, it is quite bleak at the moment. Give me a few days.