My Short Career in Email Research
Well, my experiment with Fouad failed.
You may recall that I chose to email one of his addresses for which I don't have the password, because, I thought, he probably wouldn't respond if he knew I could read what he sent.
Unfortunately, I didn't realize that he only uses this email address for keeping in touch with his friends and family in Algeria. In retrospect, it's clear as day. The purpose is stated right in the user name--something along the lines of "Algerian_Matters@Whatever.YouGetTheIdea."
But this is why, I think, he asked me if I knew the woman who emailed him and why he openly expressed confusion. He knew that he'd never given this address out to anyone outside of Algeria, but I didn't.
So, yesterday when I oh-so-subtly asked him if he'd heard anything from this Jana chick, he told me that he suspected one of his friends in Algeria was playing a trick on him. He then wrote back to "Jana," saying that he is in a relationship and that she will have to find someone else. He also suggested giving her my phone number but then decided against it because he doesn't want one of his male friends to call me.
He then gave me his password and said I could write back to "her" if I wanted but he was finished with the game.
...
I have actually learned a lot from this experiment, although none of it was what I expected. Obviously I can't draw any conclusions about his fidelity, because he knew all along that it was fake. So, while I like that he responded that he's in a relationship, he may have only done so because he saw through my transparent scheme.
Earlier today, I was thinking that I know my relationship with Fouad doesn't have a future but I want him to do something that justifies a breakup. For me, it doesn't make any sense to shake his hand and say, "All right, thanks for the last four months, but that's enough for me!" But if I had a good reason, it wouldn't be so hard.
A couple of hours later, my thoughts had changed somewhat, and I was reminded of how much it hurt for him to send that picture request to my Czech alias "Jana." I was thinking that I don't want to break up and that I just want him to be good.
One of you asked about the benefits of this relationship and if I'm happy, and you have to understand that you aren't getting the full picture. I'm simply not prolific enough for you to see all facets of my life.
Thus, it's a perfectly reasonable question to ask from your vantage point, and, admittedly, I have had many (many) moments of self pity over the past few weeks because of my relationship, but I also have a lot of fun with Fouad.
Even Caroline, who was championing our breakup since my return in August, has changed her tune. I think she's spent enough time around him now that she kind of gets it. When I sent her an SMS yesterday that I intended to break up with him, she didn't respond, "Yes! Finally!" as she might have a few weeks ago. Instead, she said, "He's a nice guy but maybe not the person you want to be with in the long run."
I am still aware of all of the negative aspects of this relationship, though. There is still a lack of trust, and there are still cultural and religious clashes. I cannot wish these things away. And I hate how every entry I write about him ends the same way: with me saying that I know this relationship may be hazardous to my health but dammit if I don't like playing with fire. So I'll say something else this time...
How about that local sports team?
You may recall that I chose to email one of his addresses for which I don't have the password, because, I thought, he probably wouldn't respond if he knew I could read what he sent.
Unfortunately, I didn't realize that he only uses this email address for keeping in touch with his friends and family in Algeria. In retrospect, it's clear as day. The purpose is stated right in the user name--something along the lines of "Algerian_Matters@Whatever.YouGetTheIdea."
But this is why, I think, he asked me if I knew the woman who emailed him and why he openly expressed confusion. He knew that he'd never given this address out to anyone outside of Algeria, but I didn't.
So, yesterday when I oh-so-subtly asked him if he'd heard anything from this Jana chick, he told me that he suspected one of his friends in Algeria was playing a trick on him. He then wrote back to "Jana," saying that he is in a relationship and that she will have to find someone else. He also suggested giving her my phone number but then decided against it because he doesn't want one of his male friends to call me.
He then gave me his password and said I could write back to "her" if I wanted but he was finished with the game.
...
I have actually learned a lot from this experiment, although none of it was what I expected. Obviously I can't draw any conclusions about his fidelity, because he knew all along that it was fake. So, while I like that he responded that he's in a relationship, he may have only done so because he saw through my transparent scheme.
Earlier today, I was thinking that I know my relationship with Fouad doesn't have a future but I want him to do something that justifies a breakup. For me, it doesn't make any sense to shake his hand and say, "All right, thanks for the last four months, but that's enough for me!" But if I had a good reason, it wouldn't be so hard.
A couple of hours later, my thoughts had changed somewhat, and I was reminded of how much it hurt for him to send that picture request to my Czech alias "Jana." I was thinking that I don't want to break up and that I just want him to be good.
One of you asked about the benefits of this relationship and if I'm happy, and you have to understand that you aren't getting the full picture. I'm simply not prolific enough for you to see all facets of my life.
Thus, it's a perfectly reasonable question to ask from your vantage point, and, admittedly, I have had many (many) moments of self pity over the past few weeks because of my relationship, but I also have a lot of fun with Fouad.
Even Caroline, who was championing our breakup since my return in August, has changed her tune. I think she's spent enough time around him now that she kind of gets it. When I sent her an SMS yesterday that I intended to break up with him, she didn't respond, "Yes! Finally!" as she might have a few weeks ago. Instead, she said, "He's a nice guy but maybe not the person you want to be with in the long run."
I am still aware of all of the negative aspects of this relationship, though. There is still a lack of trust, and there are still cultural and religious clashes. I cannot wish these things away. And I hate how every entry I write about him ends the same way: with me saying that I know this relationship may be hazardous to my health but dammit if I don't like playing with fire. So I'll say something else this time...
How about that local sports team?