Ode to Saps Everywhere

[squeakywheel]

Leon's brother Sam is staying with us right now, and it seems that whenever he visits, I make a serious error in philanthropic judgment. Last time, I invited a strange man into our home when I was aloneThis time, I was on my lunch break and chatting on the phone with Dirk--the latter making me a perfect target because all I wanted to do was get

Comments

[angelpez]

It's a good thing I don't carry cash because something like that would probably happen to me as well. It actually did happen to my husband back when we lived in NC though. A man at a video store said his car got towed and he needed $65 dollars to get it out...or something like that. Anyways, he had tattoos all over him and said he worked at a tattoo shop in town (one of the popular ones so Justin immediately knew what he was talking about) and that he would give Justin a tattoo for nothing that would be worth about $200 dollars if he loaned him the $65 dollars

[squeakywheel]

Leon and I have given rides to people as well! One situation made perfect sense and we were together so it was okay: the girl was walking barefoot and carrying what looked like incredibly uncomfortable stilettos. We drove her home.

Another time, though, a guy was in our parking lot (in St. Louis) that requires a remote control to access. So how he got back there is incredibly sketchy. Anyway, he said he was looking for someone and needed to use the phone. I let him come up to our apartment and call someone. Then he asked for a ride. I could tell he thought that we were skeptical so he told us his name and blah blah blah, we believed him. Leon drove him into a very scary section of town and dropped him off. It worked out fine but...another stupid, stupid thing to do.

I can't quite reconcile these two parts of me, though: the part that knows better and is skeptical and the part that just wants to help people.

[angelpez]

Yah, I know exactly what you mean. It's so hard! I love helping people!

[etoilepb]

That is to say, I give a guy $5, $10, or $20 and I might have just been swindled. I lose. But if his story was legitimate and I didn't help him, he is fucked.

This is the principle on which I give panhandlers food. Worst case scenario, I'm out $5 that I can manage to live without.

But that said... you do seem to have rather a wide gullibility streak. :-/ There are better ways to help people. The compassionate instinct is commendable but you need to protect yourself rather better than you do.

[squeakywheel]

I don't like to think of myself as gullible because, even as I'm doing it, I know it's stupid and naive and dumb. I think instead that it's more a weakness and that I cannot tell someone no. I know that I could really get fucked over but this reasonableness is c ompletely squashed by inability to just say no.

[letmeburyem]

I listened to this episode of This American Life just last week and it included the story of a well-dressed black man who went around taking money from strangers because he made them believe he was down on his luck. You should listen to it.

The best part? No charges could be filed, because there's nothing illegal with asking for money. The guy got nailed because he promised to pay them back.

[squeakywheel]

Promising to pay back the money can get you nailed? Crazy. Maybe this guy will get his comeuppance then.

I'll definitely have to listen to that episode.

[lizzeroni]

Aw.

I've lived here for as long as I can remember, and for an equal amount of time there have been tramps on the street who ask for money and are clearly on drugs. When i worked full time over the summer I walked there, and I must've looked pretty smart because almost every day people would come up to me on the main road and ask me for money. It was seriously annoying. One day someone came up to me and my boyfriend after work and asked us for change. Upon saying we had any, the bloke proceeded to get cheeky with us and even say "this is why I don't work like you, it stresses me out" >.<

So yeah, I don't give money to people in the streets anymore. Which might sound pretty harsh, but whatever. Anyway, I am more naive than you I think which is why I refuse point blank. I wouldn't have even guessed that he could use my contact details to get more money, but would've been optimistic that I would've got it all back, haha.

[squeakywheel]

Well, when I gave the guy my contact info, I thought that either I wouldn't get my money back or I would. So there's no harm in that, right? It wasn't until later that I realized that even that was stupid.

Leon's parents and Dirk (and probably countless other people) have told me that I won't have to feel guilty about saying no to people if I'd donate money to a cause that I KNOW will do some good. Maybe in this case, I won't have such a hard time saying no.

Also, I think I give off a vibe of the kind of person who will give out money. I don't look confident enough. Or maybe I just seem kind. I'd like to think it's more the latter, but that's unlikely. :P

[a_little_lower]

Agh, I've sort of been there too. Outside of my house there was a woman walking around in just her socks. She approached me and told me that she'd lost her dog and gone wandering, looking for him, and lost where she was. Could she please borrow my phone? I was in a hurry, but I eventually decided to lend it to her - she asked me a lot of questions about whether I had kids or whatever. So she made a call, and then just kept talking, and talking and talking, telling her husband that she had to get off because it was costing me money. Eventually after 5 minutes I approached her and she asked me if I could give her a lift home. I said that was fine, but I needed my phone back... "Can I borrow this and bring it back tomorrow?" she asked. "NO!" I told her... "okay, let me just tell my husband." she said, and began walking the other way, quickly. I went in the house to get Paul to see if he could threaten her, but we couldn't find her by the time I came out. Later on, as I was on my way to work, I did see her and stopped my car and demanded

[squeakywheel]

Wow, crazy story! Did you get the phone back eventually?

There was a time on the train when I didn't want to sit by this teenage boy who looked rough, dressed kind of ghetto, and who reeked of marijuana. But I had walked in his direction and the seat I wanted was taken and I didn't want to be rude so I sat by him.

Anyway, he asked to use my phone. I REALLY didn't want to give it to him, even though he couldn't have gotten away with it because I had blocked him in by sitting next to him. Still, it made me uncomfortable. Nevertheless, I couldn't say no so I let him.

It turned out that he was just calling his mom to let her know he was on his way home. He gave the phone back after a minute and thanked me. I felt like such a judgmental asshole.

You just never know! And it's stories like these that make me want to be kind in the future. For every time I invite someone in and nearly get sexually assaulted, there's a kid who just wants to call his mom. Argh!

[a_little_lower]

I did actually - a neighbour found it on his front lawn, and gave me a call. The weirdest part of the whole thing was that there was no call made on it, not even the first one to her husband.

And your story triggered a memory of being 16, needing to be picked up from a train station at the wrong part of town at about 11pm after being at the football - My mobile phone had stopped working, and I couldn't find any change - I'd had 50 cents in my hand, but must have dropped it somewhere - I was running around frantically when a homeless guy who had been picking up spare coins on the platform offered me change for the phone - while I was waiting for the phone to be free, another woman offered to lend me her mobile phone - both of those things really restored my faith in people. I think you can tell, in some way, when people are really genuine and desperate.

[squeakywheel]

Exactly. I want to be one of those restoring-faith-in-humanity people. I want to give people hope that people still care and are good-natured. Of course, there's a big difference between 50 cents and 40 dollars, though. Who knew that restoring faith in humanity could be so cheap!?

[lynnjessica]

Awww I definitely relate to your story. I've done similar things - once my mom even gave a guy like $30 and after he walked off we just looked at each other and were like "wow, we totally just got scammed, didn't we"...but the guy just had so much charm that it was hard to say no.

[squeakywheel]

I remember that you once drove someone home or around looking for something/someone, which is a story I totally relate to. And, yeah, I had that same "wow, I just got scammed" moment. But I couldn't say no. It's so hard. :(