Fuck Steven
Alright. Well I don't post on this damn thing enough. If you all must know. Here is what happened with Steven...bastard.
Ok so at first we decided that I was gonna go down there on the 20th of this month and I was gonna stay for two weeks to see if I liked it enough to move down there. Well he couldn't buy the ticket in time so he was gonna buy it on the 25th and I was gonna leave on like the 29th. We got to talkin and I guess I realized that I thought I really wanted to be with him and so he said he wanted to just buy a one way ticket and I could stay with him. I just kinda laughed it off not thinkin he was very serious about it. But then I started thinkin about how much I thought I wanted to be with him and all this. Meanwhile a while back I had written a letter to an old 'friend' who I had hella strong feelings for. I just wanted to see what he was up to...and yeah I still kinda liked him even while I was 'with' Steven. Well you can say I was surprised as hell that he wrote back. I mean it brought back old memories, feelings, and everything. It made me realize that I had never stopped liking him at all. (I guess I can mention that I started talking to this guy on the phone thru a couple of friends...and had been talking to him for 6 years...and then we lost contact for about a year when he said that he wanted to try to make things work with kc...so i kinda just gave up then). Anyway, so that kinda got me thinkin and I admit I was hella confused. I didnt know what to do anymore and I was terrified about movin down to Texas but kinda excited ya know? Well, I decided that I really wasnt ready to just pack up and leave my family and go move to someplace that I had never been to. So I told Steven that I just wanted to go down there for the two weeks (as we originally planned) b/c I just wasnt ready. I also mentioned that I wanted to go to TN to see my older sister (who I admit I have not had the best relationship with but he knew how terrible of a car accident she had been in and how badly I wanted to be with her. Her accident made me realize that I don't want to spend my whole life disliking her for stupid things that she has done). Anyway, I told him that and he tried to pull the whole guilt trip shit saying shit like..."I thought you didn't like her very much anyway" and "I've been workin my ass off to buy that ticket" and also he tried to pretend like he was crying. And that all just pissed me off. He said he understood but I dont think he did. Later on I was textin him to see what was up and to apologize for not wanting to come down there but i just wasnt ready and i wanted to visit my older sister. Basically he didnt seem to care about what I wanted...all it was was that he wanted to be with me and he didnt want to lose me and he wanted to be with me forever and shit like that. Yeah he said I love you but since January...he probly said it a total of 3 times. He never expressed his feelings for me until then. So I went off on him and asked y it was all about him and he was saying that it was just the type of person that he was and that he was just messin with me. Then out of nowhere he says that he doesnt have the money for the ticket so I ask y he all of a sudden just said that and apparently if im not gonna be stayin then he doesnt want to see me at all. The more I think about it I think that he was just using me. I mean he knew how much I cared about him and shit. He just doesnt seem like the type of guy to settle down. Well anyway, Im much happier now with this guy from TN. Im going out to see him in a month and im soooo excited! Anyway this shit is long enough. haha
Ok so at first we decided that I was gonna go down there on the 20th of this month and I was gonna stay for two weeks to see if I liked it enough to move down there. Well he couldn't buy the ticket in time so he was gonna buy it on the 25th and I was gonna leave on like the 29th. We got to talkin and I guess I realized that I thought I really wanted to be with him and so he said he wanted to just buy a one way ticket and I could stay with him. I just kinda laughed it off not thinkin he was very serious about it. But then I started thinkin about how much I thought I wanted to be with him and all this. Meanwhile a while back I had written a letter to an old 'friend' who I had hella strong feelings for. I just wanted to see what he was up to...and yeah I still kinda liked him even while I was 'with' Steven. Well you can say I was surprised as hell that he wrote back. I mean it brought back old memories, feelings, and everything. It made me realize that I had never stopped liking him at all. (I guess I can mention that I started talking to this guy on the phone thru a couple of friends...and had been talking to him for 6 years...and then we lost contact for about a year when he said that he wanted to try to make things work with kc...so i kinda just gave up then). Anyway, so that kinda got me thinkin and I admit I was hella confused. I didnt know what to do anymore and I was terrified about movin down to Texas but kinda excited ya know? Well, I decided that I really wasnt ready to just pack up and leave my family and go move to someplace that I had never been to. So I told Steven that I just wanted to go down there for the two weeks (as we originally planned) b/c I just wasnt ready. I also mentioned that I wanted to go to TN to see my older sister (who I admit I have not had the best relationship with but he knew how terrible of a car accident she had been in and how badly I wanted to be with her. Her accident made me realize that I don't want to spend my whole life disliking her for stupid things that she has done). Anyway, I told him that and he tried to pull the whole guilt trip shit saying shit like..."I thought you didn't like her very much anyway" and "I've been workin my ass off to buy that ticket" and also he tried to pretend like he was crying. And that all just pissed me off. He said he understood but I dont think he did. Later on I was textin him to see what was up and to apologize for not wanting to come down there but i just wasnt ready and i wanted to visit my older sister. Basically he didnt seem to care about what I wanted...all it was was that he wanted to be with me and he didnt want to lose me and he wanted to be with me forever and shit like that. Yeah he said I love you but since January...he probly said it a total of 3 times. He never expressed his feelings for me until then. So I went off on him and asked y it was all about him and he was saying that it was just the type of person that he was and that he was just messin with me. Then out of nowhere he says that he doesnt have the money for the ticket so I ask y he all of a sudden just said that and apparently if im not gonna be stayin then he doesnt want to see me at all. The more I think about it I think that he was just using me. I mean he knew how much I cared about him and shit. He just doesnt seem like the type of guy to settle down. Well anyway, Im much happier now with this guy from TN. Im going out to see him in a month and im soooo excited! Anyway this shit is long enough. haha