i'm sorry

[squeaks71685]

Sometimes I think that no one can hear me. It's like they choose not to listen. Why? Lately i have been having some family problems. We decided to kick my dad out of the house due to verbal abuse and such. It had become uncontrolable. Now all of a sudden it has turned into a him or me situation. He told mom that either I go, or he goes. What shocked me was that she chose him. "He's going to get help. So he can stay." The man who has left millions of physical, mental, and emotional scars on her body. The man who tells her on a daily basis that he could do so much better. The man who has made our lives miserable. She chose him. Which means, goodbye Allison. I get to be the one to leave. Even if they decide that i can stay, i won't. I can't put up with it anymore. and you thought your family was bad. I wake up eery morning to him yelling at someone. And to be honest, he treats his customers better than his own family. He sends the ladies flowers and candies and everyone gets presents on birthdays and around holidays. He even tells us how much he likes all of them more than us. Now, don't get me wrong, he's nort cheating on my mom. She knows the ladies as well. She just doesn't know how well he treats them. It's like, "what? do you honestly think they will leave the company if your not nice enough? Where will they go?" My dad owns a Transport company and works with several others across the country. Anyways, basically it goes like this...... DAD is IN. ALLISON is OUT. Thank goodness I still have the siblings on my side. It just goes to show you. Blood means jack shit to some people.

It's not that I hate him. He's my dad. I love him. I just don't like him, because i can't make him happy. He has never been proud of me. Nothing I do is good enough. I played sports for years just to make him happy. He never came to a game. I did everything i could. I was a tomboy because I thought then he'd like me. He didn't. I went on the truck with him when he would do small loads. He pretends not to remember. He used to be my hero my........my dad. I loved him. I would do anything for him. I was not what he wanted. He wanted my brother to be his number one. Not me. He has never wanted me around. He has never accepted me and now i find it hard to accept him. I know in my heart that I will always try to make him proud. I also know that once I move out, i won't be back until i've proven myself.

I'm gonna go cry now.

Before I go. I think this song is appropriate:

"Perfect"

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I'm sorry dad.