irrational thoughts
I am starting to wish I had never given my live journal name out to my friends so i could rant and bitch like i would in my own journal, i feel like by giving friends the name, squeak_mouse i have to now control my brain and control these uncontrollable urges to write about slashing stuff, beating the hell out of things as i drift into a zone, it makes me feel so fine I cant control my brain. Meh anyways everyone is out tonight, Im contemplating running away from everything. i think I honestly might pack up my bags. I dont see the point in completing another year of school when I'll never feel that... that whatever it is anymore. I cant get away from this feeling of mediocrity,. will i never be anything?? or will life just be pushing thru as much as u can for the rest of my life? if it is that is bullshit and im just bout done. But how do u know if anything will ever change or get any better unless u just keep going. Only reason Im alive today is my own curiosity I guess. Wondering if there is a slight possiblitiy of things ever getting better than they are. or does that involve cutting all ties and starting completely over again, can u ever get a completely fresh start? nah never. thats all, im out of brain power.