(no subject)
It's entirely feasible that I'm the most selfish person in the whole world ever, and I'm being self-centered and greedy and not understanding.
But that doesn't make it hurt less. That doesn't make me feel even further and further away, like we're going the same speed but in entirely different directions. Like you made a "right" turn, doing the "normal" thing, and I made a "left" turn, doing the wrong or abnormal thing. Ironically, what I'm doing is just as normal as the rest of you, and it's a better decision for me.
And all I want is not that selfish. All I want is for you to be my friend again. Don't lie and say you are right now, you're not. Not because I'm mad at you. Maybe you're mad at me. I don't know. But friends don't cut someone off completely and with no reason at all. Just talk to me. Please.
Back when you used to talk to me, you liked to say other people were immature. But you're not much better. At least those people gave a reason, albeit ridiculous and not completely true, but a reason nonetheless, for cutting people they previously cared about completely out of their lives.
I'm not saying that I'm not at fault. I am, too. I know I'm making effort. I know you're not though, which makes it harder to accept anything I may have done wrong. I know you're busy. I know you have a life that I'm not there for. I have a life that you're not here for. We're not the same anymore. Maybe we never were. Maybe it was all some big joke, and I'm the punchline, since you all have someone, and I don't.
And if that's so, then I'm offering my resignation here and now. Because not being lonely with you just isn't worth that.
But that doesn't make it hurt less. That doesn't make me feel even further and further away, like we're going the same speed but in entirely different directions. Like you made a "right" turn, doing the "normal" thing, and I made a "left" turn, doing the wrong or abnormal thing. Ironically, what I'm doing is just as normal as the rest of you, and it's a better decision for me.
And all I want is not that selfish. All I want is for you to be my friend again. Don't lie and say you are right now, you're not. Not because I'm mad at you. Maybe you're mad at me. I don't know. But friends don't cut someone off completely and with no reason at all. Just talk to me. Please.
Back when you used to talk to me, you liked to say other people were immature. But you're not much better. At least those people gave a reason, albeit ridiculous and not completely true, but a reason nonetheless, for cutting people they previously cared about completely out of their lives.
I'm not saying that I'm not at fault. I am, too. I know I'm making effort. I know you're not though, which makes it harder to accept anything I may have done wrong. I know you're busy. I know you have a life that I'm not there for. I have a life that you're not here for. We're not the same anymore. Maybe we never were. Maybe it was all some big joke, and I'm the punchline, since you all have someone, and I don't.
And if that's so, then I'm offering my resignation here and now. Because not being lonely with you just isn't worth that.