(Untitled)
WHO: Raikou and Gau (Closed).
LOCATION: Hogwarts's gardens.
WEEK: 65
TIME: Thursday morning. Might as well be at that point with how late it is. D8
WHAT: The two are meeting for the first time since Raikou's imprisonment in Azkaban. (Additional Info: Because of a long chain of events (check out both of their histories), Raikou accidentally ( Read more... )
LOCATION: Hogwarts's gardens.
WEEK: 65
TIME: Thursday morning. Might as well be at that point with how late it is. D8
WHAT: The two are meeting for the first time since Raikou's imprisonment in Azkaban. (Additional Info: Because of a long chain of events (check out both of their histories), Raikou accidentally ( Read more... )
Amaryllis blossoms. Spider lilies. The flowers of...
The Shimizu family.
He had remembered and...here he was, going through hell to get them planted for him. Raikou realized that what he expected out of Gau was completely wrong. This was...an offering. But for what? Could it be that Gau didn't blame him for -
No. He couldn't allow himself to hope. If one hoped in the presence of Dementors, they would take it away. That was their nature.
I'm not around Dementors. He reminded himself. But, just as quickly as he tried to make himself understand that, he wondered why he felt so cold and empty. There had to be a reason for that.
And the reason was right in front of him. Gau was the missing piece in his life. Gau was his warmth.
"Raikou." he admonished softly, glancing pointedly at the flowers, "Are those for me?" he knew they were, "I..." his eyebrows rose in unison, "Gau?"
Before he knew it, he was smiling. The familiarity behind the words was enough to chase most of his nerves away.
"Does it matter?" he stepped forward, but he didn't get too close. Instead, he chose to sit on a bench.
"How...are you?" Raikou wasn't sure how to phrase what he meant. He wanted to know about Gau's physical and mental well-being. More than anything.
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Gau gritted his teeth, and stopped digging. His fingers faintly throbbed as he gripped a handful of his robes, still sitting formal-style after all of this.
Do you even remember holding your hand out to me in the snow?
"I'm..."
He stopped, shook his head grimly, switching to Japanese out of inner paranoia and that little link--that thing both of them shared: blood. "It doesn't matter. I'm here to settle things between myself and Raikou-san."
He bowed his head. "I misled Raikou-san unintentionally. Raikou-san rescued me because I was a muggle. But...I was a wizard the same as him. And out of ignorance or not, I kept this from him."
He lifted his hand a little. "Headmaster found me a loan from the Wizarding bank, and bought me a wand." A strange, wan little smile, still not looking at Raikou, not daring to look at him and that held-in anger he just knew had to be there...
He shifted the wand to the side a little, then reached into his robe pocket, remembering. "You've lost weight." He said a little bluntly, tugging out a handkerchiefed bundle, and whispering something with his wand, floating the little bundle to Raikou. It opened in his lap--honeycakes. "Just like before, only...this time I made them better. Knowing how to control my magic means..." He swallowed. "That is...I did use magic on them before. Even if I didn't realize..."
He swallowed harder. "Raikou-san showed me nothing but kindness, and I repaid him with deception."
Gau mustered his courage, and tugged at his tie. "I thought...if I called you here, I could maybe make things a little bit better. I could offer you restitution, even if it could never be enough for the cost of your memories. And a place like this..." he faltered. "This time you could run, and not be caught."
He raised his chin, exposing his throat, eyes tightly shut. "I'll accept the rest of my punishment now, Mister Raikou. For what happened to you all because of me."
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What mattered was how he had transgressed against the boy in front of him. He needed to apologize; he needed to hold out his arms and hold Gau like he wanted to on the night that he had almost lost him. But Raikou wasn't skilled at these sorts of things. He was much better at hiding his feelings - no matter how surprising they were.
"Gau, no." he shifted, "I was the one who failed you."
The honeycakes surprised him, but... That was so very like Gau. Even when he was obviously hurting in more ways than could possibly be verbalized, Gau thought of him first. How could a selfish person like Raikou possibly deserve such a friend?
Setting the honeycakes aside for the moment, Raikou rose from the bench and closed the distance between them. As soon as Gau exposed his throat, he sighed. What followed was a true testament of just how much Raikou cared about Gau.
At first, it was a mere touch to Gau's upper arms. Raikou squeezed them gently before moving even closer. Carefully and cautiously, he wrapped his arms around Gau, holding the boy as if he were the most precious being in the entire world.
And, to Raikou, he was.
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When he'd been ready to let Raikou take another try at killing him, he hadn't expected him to gently try to asphyxiate him with his torso.
He blushed, and hated himself for doing so. (Stupid word! Torso of all things...) He was going to confusedly try to reach to hug something less awkward than what was easily in reach when he remembered the dirt on his hands, and felt dreadful.
He remained a moment with his arms stupidly out, before lowering them, still feeling awkward. "Uh." He muttered into the cloth over his face, chancing a shifting of position to crane his neck up at Raikou, confusion in every inch of his face.
There was still that smudge of dirt on his cheek.
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"I want to ask for your forgiveness, Gau." his expression was utterly conflicted, the deepest sadness in his eyes, "If you can give it to me, that is all I will ask of you. But if you can't then...I understand." he smiled faintly, hiding the agonizing ache in his heart.
He wanted more - so much more. But he had lost the right to ask for those things the moment his blade had touched Gau's chest.
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He wants...?
If Raikou was asking for something like that, that meant he probably didn't remember, but...
He was still asking, so maybe he remembered...a little?
Maybe they were still friends?
A little smile cracked hopefully onto Gau's face, bloodied, muddied hands curling into the sleeves of Raikou's rather ridiculous taste in robes.
"You can't forgive justice. What I did, I did knowing what might happen to me, even if it was the best way to get Mister Raikou what he really wanted." He lowered his head. "Your sister isn't here, though, is she? I did something wrong, and made you suffer. If I'd known, I would have testified, and maybe you wouldn't have had to go to Azkaban."
His fingers tightened. "But she's not here, and I miscalculated, and hurt Mister Raikou instead." His voice lowered. "I didn't mean to."
"If I could make that up to you, Mister Raikou, that would be fine." He swallowed. "Aah...but..." Another nervous little jump of his throat--"If I can be forgiven, I'd want to be by Raikou-san's side, and help him."
He let his forehead drop against Raikou's stomach. "That would make me...really happy--being by Mr. Raikou's side again."
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Gau's answer, however, surprised him more than his clothes probably surprised his fellow Professors.
Justice. Gau had forgiven him because of what Raikou had told him about justice. A small, slightly unhinged sound left his lips. How could Gau believe that friends would treat one another like that? Raikou had no intention whatsoever of following through on those words.
"You didn't deserve to be punished. I would have been mad at you, but I wouldn't have cut you."
And that was the truth. That was how Raikou had felt that day.
"I'm not angry at you." he raised his hand and brushed away the dirt smudge on Gau's cheek, "I was afraid that you wouldn't want to..." his eyes widened, unsure if he heard Gau correctly.
Did he...? Really?
"If that's your decision then...please...let me make a pledge to you." he licked his lips nervously before lowering himself onto his knees, "I will never again use my katana or my wand to harm you. Even if I am angered, you need not worry about suffering that pain again."
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"...Mister Raikou shouldn't make promises he can't keep. Even if it's only once." Gau mutttered, chewing his bleeding lip, frowning at the ground as he coned soil over each bulb, planting them too shallowly without noticing, the soil still too dry, the sunlight still too direct--he wasn't much of a gardener.
" 'If you say anything, I will raise my sword and my wand against you.' " he repeated. "These were the terms of my promise to you, Mister Raikou, and I offered myself up for them to be kept." he frowned deeply, that black-and-white idealistic view of his coloring in.
"You shouldn't make me make promises you don't want to keep. Even saying that before..."
Gau wiped his forehead with his wrist, scoring another smear of dirt along it before he sighed and continued stubbornly planting the blooms with a sort of grim, dogged perseverence, reasserting bloom after bloom.
"I don't want Mister Raikou's pledge, or his honor to be at stake because of me again. I betrayed Mister Raikou's honor for a reason, and I would have accepted the punishment for it, because it needed to be done. Mister Raikou's word was to be kept at any cost, and I wanted to make his life better for him by fixing things with his sister even if that meant braking my promise."
He stared straight forward, not looking at Raikou. "Making pledges to me...if I were to betray you again, what would that leave you?"
He shook his head, slumping in the dirt, back mostly to Raikou. The scar down his chest ached. He resisted the urge to grip at it.
"I've never been here before. Do you like it here, Raikou-san? This place was your home, wasn't it?" He turned to look at him solemnly as ever--Gau who'd stopped going to school at thirteen.
Gau of all people knew what Raikou got like when he couldn't move where he wanted when he wanted. He...probably knew more of Raikou at this point than Raikou himself, did. And again, he wondered which memories were missing entirely, which parts of him had been sucked clean of anything...if Raikou even knew that anything was missing...
He couldn't imagine him being really all that happy with a job that forced him indoors all day, never mind the fact that Raikou enjoyed reading.
Gau swallowed. "When you...saved me...you'd left here. And you came back, which means Hogwarts must be a safe place, and a home for Mister Raikou." The frown lines growing between his brows deepened as he stared at the one, lurid turqoise flower there, "If I took Mister Raikou from that home, and I'm responsible for him returning to someplace good for him by not being there, then no matter how much I want to be by his side, I would leave, and all the complications would stop."
Gau reminded himself with disconnectedness that Raikou didn't remember. Even if he did, he was like a teacher.
"I'm here to make things right." Gau muttered. "And be useful to you. It's not a promise." He affirmed grimly, staring down at the misfitting blue flower in his hands. "It's just something I chose to do."
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"I meant my promise then." he murmured, voice low, "But I changed my mind." he opened his eyes and gave Gau a softened smile, "When I saw you injured, my priorities shifted." he tilted his head back and looked up at the sky, "I realized how much you mean to me - as a friend and as a partner. Nothing you could have done would have merited me cutting you down." he grimaced, not bothering to hide his distaste, "That day..." he frowned and pulled Gau closer, "I wasn't aiming for you. You took the blow that was meant for Raimei."
There. That was the truth. Some of his unease left him as soon as he said the words. Now, he had to wait for Gau's reaction. He prayed that it would be favorable.
"Hogwarts was my home before everything got complicated in my life. I guess I came back here to...get some of that back. I wanted to...start over after I hurt you." he glanced at Gau, smiling faintly, "Then I choose to be useful to you too." he held out his hand, "I want us to be friends."
Was it insane to ask for such a thing? Raikou didn't know, but...
He had to try.
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"HUH?!"
He squirmed, wrestling his way up to stare at Raikou dumbfounded.
"Well why wouldn't we be friends?!"
The thought clearly, and plainly hadn't even occured to him. "I just needed to fix things so you didn't misunderstand. And WHY would you want to hit your sister with that? It didn't even kill me. Mister Raikou's heart wasn't into it, after all, I guess."
Gau scooped up the bunch of remaining flowers with a shrug, offering them. It sure took some doing to try to move with how Raikou still seemed to want to keep an arm on him.
If he remembers...does that mean those weren't really happy memories for him...? The thought half-drifted past Gau's mind.
Why would he...want a friendship with someone like him if the friendship didn't make him happy, though?
Aah. Raikou was so kind...
He'd still have to work at this, Gau affirmed stubbornly. He'd have to keep working to make things right.
"L...Look. You don't have to worry about me, Mister Raikou. I'm fine." Then he swallowed, a little idea drifting by seductively. "But...if you could...teach me magic...and help me with that..."
...Then for the first time in my life, I could really be useful to you. And I could really be at your side as something more than a burden and less of a weakness than a strength.
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But Gau hadn't lost his ability to occasionally surprise him. It would take the Samurai a moment to recover.
"I did put you into a coma." he replied wryly, knowing he didn't need to point that out to Gau. Yet that was the truth. What kind of person would want to be friends with their attacker? Raikou had acted like an animal that night - thoughtless and angry.
"It wasn't." he murmured, briefly thinking about Raimei, "I wanted her to learn yet another lesson. I didn't want to kill her."
She was still his sister. Even if he had abandoned the Shimizu family, Raikou was not hardened nor cruel enough to kill an innocent - especially one that was reaching out to him. Raimei reminded him of mother so much.
Blinking out of his reverie, he touched the flowers gently. Opening his arms, he gathered them close, inhaling their scent.
"I hope so." Raikou tilted his head, his brows knitting together, "There are other Professors -" but he couldn't finish. A flash of possessiveness - and protectiveness - rose up inside of him. No. Gau would learn from him and him alone.
"It would be an honor." he smiled faintly.
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Put it like that, and why wouldn't he still be friends with you? You could do something much worse to him, even, and he'd still stick by you.
Is your esteem for his loyalty really that low? When he admires you more than anyone else?
"You're being kind of dumb..." Gau muttered. Now there was something he'd never thought he'd say to Raikou. His face went red the instant he realized it. But...he was probably going to get punched in the face for it anyway, so he might as well finish it. "You think I'd want to be by your side, but not be friends? I wouldn't do that."
That was that. There is no possibility in his head of hating you in even the smallest way, Raikou.
He feels a little better, though. Even if the flowers weren't perfect, they still meant enough to Raikou, apparently.
Something had gone right.
...But...Gau somewhat doubted it would be an honor, if he was honest with himself. The more he thought about it, the more obvious it seemed that Raikou had grown up with knowledge of the Wizarding world. That...struck him as a bit of an advantage. It also meant he wouldn't be able to get all the right answers, though, and that worried him.
He gripped his wand in his grubby hand.
He didn't want to be a disappointment.
"I'm not...learning very fast. I'm trying as hard as I can, but things just aren't...they aren't working very well except for the cooking magic." Gau swallowed. "The man int he shop...he said it had something to do with me, and something to do with my wand, and...some other things."
And here they came to the thing which had been worrying him: "Mister...Raikou...? If I'm...from the outside world. Does that mean I can't do some things? Does that mean I can't be as good as you are?"
He had no idea the political history behind that, the theories, the movements. He didn't know any of that. All he knew was that Raikou was already different from him, and he didn't want to spend his time fighting for something that there was a rule in place for, and he's giving you that look of utter solemnness.
Whatever you say, it will be law, Raikou, you know that.
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"I...what?"
There it was again. Gau had surprised him. He might have hit the boy if he hadn't been thrown so off-guard. Raikou was just terribly rusty when it came to dealing with people. He was even rustier when it came to dealing with friends.
"...thank you."
That was all he could think to say. As long as Gau wanted to be his friend and stay by his side, he saw no reason to become angry. Besides, if truth be told, he probably was being a bit dumb. Or, at the very least, dense.
When the topic changed, however, Raikou found himself warming up to Gau all over again. His eyes narrowed as the boy finished to speaking.
"It doesn't matter where you came from or how much you know now. You can do anything you set your mind to."
He hated Pureblood elitists. The Shimizus had been bordering on elitism for years and the very thought of it made Raikou sick.
"Gau, no matter what anyone else says, you are just as good - if not better - than anyone in the Magical World."
To reinforce his point, he kissed Gau's brow and whispered:
"I wouldn't be offering to teach you if you were hopeless. You're not. Anyone who teases you will have to answer to me."
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And he owed another person his life, too. That boy in Mungo's...
He almost missed Raikou's whispered thanks, and didn't think much of them even then. But he had no idea what Raikou looked so suddenly fierce at as he spoke about his honest worries for being able to keep up with the rest of the school. He thought he could do what he set his mind to, otherwise he wouldn't have the work ethic he did. But having his forehead kissed threw him for a loop, and gave him a funny turn in the pit of the stomach.
he had to bring himself back down, out of his happy blaze of sudden confusion.
"Wh-?!" He spluttered. "N-Nobody's teasing me! What does that have to do with-?!" Gulping. He rubbed at his face to try to hide his embarrassment, only succeeding in streaking dirt all over.
"I'm just behind! And growing up in a house like that is bound to give you a lot of history, and culture that you wouldn't get otherwise! I'm at a disadvantage! I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't have to do training to wake up magical power in me too or something like that! That's all! How did you even-?!"
He didn't know. He didn't know at all. Didn't understand.
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At that moment, Raikou had wanted to die. He would have turned his katana on himself if he hadn't needed to get Gau help. But there was no way he could have put that into words. The fear that Gau might think that he was too weak to be worthy of any praise whatsoever was always present in the back of his mind.
"It was too close." he concluded in a hushed voice, his expression darkening when Gau brought up the ever present issues of blood purity, "...everything." he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Gau, there are some in the Wizarding World that think they are better because they are Purebloods. They hold their status against Muggleborns and Muggles." he sighed, "Some of my family was like that. I didn't realize how bad it was until -" he closed his eyes tightly, pain clear on his face, "It doesn't matter." he paused, "Just be aware that there are enemies within the castle."
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He grimaced.
"They're not really enemies." He said stubbornly, shrugging, and trying to wipe off his wand on his sleeve, the red of the wood gleaming. "People like that...you just need to prove yourself to." He didn't look at Raikou. He tried to prove himself to Raikou, too, really. It was just how he was.
"You just do something great that they have to acknowledge, and you speak out for the people they think aren't worth it. I want to represent that. I'm probably not going to be able to because I'm not extremely talented or smart, but I'm going to try." He gripped his wand determinedly. "Because with even the least little bit of power, you should use it to try to change the world for the better."
He shrugged. "Besides, I never knew my father, really. So...it's not like I really know what I am. I'm probably muggleborn, but even if I'm not it's probably better to be muggleborn, because that's what's going to change things. We can be here to fix the problems of the wizarding world as outsiders with fresh views and ideas. So it's probably muggleborns who get the best opportunity to help both the inside and the outside world." A little smile growing.
"Well..people who aren't just in one world or the other alone. Not jsut muggleborns. Muggleborns probably just get to live immersed in one or the other with a sharper transition." He picked at the grass with his fingers as he talked, pulling it up one strand and another and another... "So we might notice things a little more. Because we spend our lives learning one, and then suddenly learning the other."
He hesitated. Normally, he'd be writing this down as a note to himself rather than talking about it with Raikou, but...Raikou seemed to want to hear. Raikou seemed to feel strongly. He wanted to fix that, and soothe him.
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