Comments | squarewart_logs: Time to own up and move on [Active, Closed]

notthatharry in squarewart_logs

Time to own up and move on [Active, Closed]

Jun 15, 2010 00:24

WHO: Harry, Catty
LOCATION: Outside the School
WEEK: 59
TIME: Afternoon
WHAT: Harry finally gets his act together and talks to Catty about his feelings...possibly at gunpoint
RATING: TEENAGE FEELINGS

( Of all the pain he'd felt, love was the one that cut deepest )

catty turner, harry dresden

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scroll_heir June 15 2010, 04:44:59 UTC

Honestly, Bob hadn't scared Catty off from wanting to be Harry's friend. She was hurt, sure, but that was because Bob had told her that she was basically hurting Harry. That was something that didn't sit well with Catty, not only because Harry was one of her best friends, but because she didn't want to feel ashamed for wanting to be with Ren.

She was glad that he'd ask her to talk, since she had been ready to say something to him soon. They couldn't go on like this. After all, how can you be friends without actually hanging out? And something felt always weird and awkward when they were around each other.

So Catty went out to meet Harry, ready for whatever would happen. "Hey..."

notthatharry June 15 2010, 04:50:21 UTC

Which was why he hadn't told her in the first place. The last thing he needed was to be the source of more suffering, just a reminder of the series of failures that made up his life.

"Hey," he replied with a wave when she came into view, standing up and leaning back against the staircase.

scroll_heir June 15 2010, 05:42:04 UTC

Life, and being a teenager in general, was built on suffering. Catty knew how it was, hot it worked. You couldn't just avoid suffering, no matter how much you wanted everything to go smooth sailing.

She waved back awkwardly before giving a nervous giggle, running her fingers through her hair. "So. Where do you want to go?"

notthatharry June 15 2010, 05:46:41 UTC

All he'd known for most of his life was suffering and abandonment, he was still learning how to deal with anything else.

Standing he shrugged and said, "We can just walk, I don't have a destination in mind. I don't plan on this taking long."

scroll_heir June 16 2010, 05:40:53 UTC

"Sure. A walk sounds good," Catty answered, shrugging and trying to look somewhat cheerful despite the niggling of discomfort poking at her. Planning on not taking long? The way that sounded to her... She shoved her hands into her pockets, walking slowly.

"So..."

notthatharry June 17 2010, 21:23:18 UTC

Okay this wasn't getting any less awkward, that's for certain, and if he left things going the way they were then the awkwardness might reach critical mass and open up a portal to a dimension where everyone was in high school forever ( ... )

notthatharry June 17 2010, 21:23:51 UTC

scroll_heir June 17 2010, 23:31:55 UTC

And there it was, the confession that Catty knew was inevitable. Ever since Bob had brought it up, it'd been bothering her. Now Harry was finally saying it himself, and she sighed softly. "I really do like you a lot, Harry, but you're right," Catty started off, glancing at Harry. "My feelings are strictly for a friend, you know? Or a sibling." She frowned, running her fingers through her hair. Jeez, this was pretty awkward.

Reaching over, Catty squeezed his arm gently, twisting her lips until she had some kind of encouraging smile on her face. "I understand." Not like she was all that wonderful with expressing feelings verbally either. "I... I'm not going to lie and say I don't feel weird about it, but... I'm just really glad that you told me, Harry."

notthatharry June 18 2010, 05:36:26 UTC

"Can we stick with like a friend? I'd rather not add an incest vibe to all this," Harry muttered, his mouth instinctively getting him into trouble as a way of covering how miserable he felt. "Honestly I don't mind. I mean, we wouldn't work out anyway, and then there's Kazumi, which let me tell you added a whole wonderful layer of awkward to this little situation, and I have no more intention of betraying her than you do Ren which is why this whole mess pisses me off so much. It's stupid, I'm stupid."

Stiffening when she touched him, Harry forced himself to take a deep breath and relax, trying to fix a smile on his face. "Guess it comes from being broken. I'll understand if you want me to keep my distance for a while, but you deserved better than me lying."

scroll_heir June 18 2010, 06:36:46 UTC

Catty bit down on her lip, mostly to keep from laughing at that comment. "No incest vibe. Got it." But the laughter died, and she went back to frowning softly. "No... I guess we wouldn't... And you're not stupid. Look, feelings are... complicated, at best. You can't help how you feel. But I know you care a lot about Kazumi, which says a lot because you're trying to get over, uh... This."

She felt so damn awkward, trying to sound wise and helpful. Words really weren't her strength. Feeling him stiffen at her touch, she dropped her hand, stuffing it back into her pocket. "Why would I want to keep my distance? Harry, you're my friend. I know that this is weird... I mean, if you want to... Not hang around me, I'll understand, too."

notthatharry June 18 2010, 14:02:06 UTC

"At best," Harry agreed. Was it normal to feel so resigned about having your heart broken? Because that was more what Harry felt, resignation. "It's still stupid. I shouldn't have let this get this far. Letting my feelings run things always gets me into trouble." After all, he'd let himself get too attached in the past, and every time he'd been punished for it. He needed to learn that normal bonds were not something he was meant to have.

Sighing, he slowly reached out and took her hand, even as his whole body protested the motion. The thought of constantly being around her hurt, yes, but the idea of being apart hurt even more. "Catty, everyone I've ever cared about has left me, or died. Even if it hurts a little I would rather have you close as a friend then far away. You mean too much to me for me to throw that away. I just don't want to complicate your life, you have enough to deal with without adding the issues of some broken classmate on top of everything."

scroll_heir June 18 2010, 19:19:05 UTC

"It's not stupid. You can't control things like this." As much as Catty felt for Ren, lingering feelings for Chris still remained. It was just one of those things that was best left alone, until the other person could easily wipe all of it away. That's what Harry needed, for Kazumi to just be there squash whatever lingering feelings he had for Catty. "Okay, feelings are really stupid, but you're not stupid, Harry."

She glanced at him, then down at their hands before she squeezed his gently. "Good, because I'd really hate to throw away what we have because of... We'll just take it easy. I promise not to be all... like myself so much, around you. If it helps." Her eyebrow arched curiously as she sighed. "You're not complicating my life, Harry. We're friends. I care about you, a lot. I'm not about to just abandon you."

notthatharry June 19 2010, 23:46:34 UTC

"I don't know, have you seen my grades?" Self depreciating humor, it was always a good fallback when one was feeling off balance.

"Thanks, I appreciate that," he replied, a bit more seriously. "I know you don't mean anything by it, but...it's hard to get rid of this problem when you get all touchy feely. I promise once it's over you can give me all the hugs you want." Not that he was sure his feelings would ever totally go away, but maybe if they did there was hope he could forget about Elaine as well.

Speaking of which, "I believe you intellectually, I, well I just...it's hard to trust people, after DeMourn, and Elaine." Honesty like this was not an easy thing for him, and his face showed the internal struggle that had to be overcome before he could use those two names, but for Catty, who knew better than most what he was going through, he could make the effort. "Another of those annoying feelings things."

scroll_heir June 20 2010, 00:53:01 UTC

"We both know that grades don't exactly reflect how smart a person is," Catty muttered, throwing him a flat look.

She shrugged, nodded. "Yeah, I get it. I guess I can be... a little overenthusiastic with the touchy feely." It was an uncertainty when things would be back to normal again, but at least her and Harry could still be friends. Extremely awkward friends. She was definitely going to have to make sure to keep herself in check, as hard as that would probably be.

"I know, which is why I'll probably have to keep repeating it over and over until it's firmly planted within that thick skull of yours." She paused, then added as an afterthought, "And I don't mean Bob." The look on his face pulled something at her, her glance shifting down to the floor. She understood, and she definitely appreciated the effort.

notthatharry June 21 2010, 23:08:32 UTC

"I doubt people who don't have messed up touch issues mind much," he replied with a shrug, before muttering, "I sure know I wouldn't."

There Harry had to chuckle a little. "Anyone else I would ask them if they knew what they were getting into, but with you I am ready to believe your stubbornness is up to the task." It wouldn't be easy, and he knew he should not be causing such trouble for her, but still Harry appreciated the effort as well. It was nice to know there were people who considered him worth the trouble.

scroll_heir June 22 2010, 02:45:48 UTC

"Believe it or not, people don't want to be touched all of the time, so I doubt that." She gave him a lopsided grin, relaxing a little more. "But I appreciate the weird comfort you're trying to give me."

Catty winked, easily sliding a grin onto her face. "That's me. Catty Stubborn Turner. My mom sure knew what she was doing when she named me." Well, it was as good of a middle name as any, since she didn't actually have one. And she was pretty headstrong, which was exactly what Harry needed. Someone who wasn't going to back down when he kept acting stupid.

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