Comfort me in my darkest hour [CLOSED]

[brbusinivalice]

Name(s): Delita Heiral and Sakura Haruno
Location: Ravenclaw Common Room
Week: 41
Time: Monday
Rating: G, unless Delita's swearing allows you to slap a P on that.

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[battle_in_bloom]

After leaving the Hospital Wing in something of a daze and speaking to Kakashi about what had happened, Sakura had simply wandered the halls for and hour or so, studiously ignoring the sections that had been blocked off for repairs or...cleaning. She knew that if she took the time to stop and think about what had just happened, she'd probably end up beating herself up for it. Which was not something she wanted to put herself through, so she absently counted the stones in the walls, until eventually she found herself in the Ravenclaw Tower.

Sakura stepped quietly into her Common Room for the first time since she'd left it to go to the Library on Saturday morning. To say that day had turned out a little different than she had expected would be an understatement of the first degree. She leaned against the wall for a moment, taking a few deep breaths and enjoying the comforting familiarity of the room before she slid down it to the floor. Lord, but she was tired.

A muffled thump forced her eyes open. She blinked a couple of times, peering past a chair or two to see what the cause was.

"Delita?" she asked, a little confused.

[brbusinivalice]

Damn it. Sakura.

Delita unclenched his fist as best as he could, making an attempt to straighten up his appearance before standing, glancing at her in an attempt to ignore his own emotions. Or rather, to disallow her to notice his own.

...He didn't need her to see him like this.

He hadn't let her see this when Teta got injured, so why would he let her see him like this now?

"Sakura." His voice was shakier than he had intended, and he mentally kicked himself for it. "I did not hear you come in."

[battle_in_bloom]

"I was pretty quiet about it," she told him, resting her chin on her drawn up knees as she looked up at him, hugging her legs.

She could hear the shaky note in his voice, and the fact that he'd shown any frustration openly, even while he thought he was alone, was a pretty clear indicator of the state he was in. "You're--" A pause, as she re-evaluated what she was going to say. "It all caught up, huh?" she surmised.

[brbusinivalice]

...It all caught up?

Yeah. Something like that. Something like that...when he had heard that Ramza was injured, all he could do was imagine Teta, was think about the injuries that he had suffered at the hands of that witch. Luckily, he wasn't as bad off as he had feared, but in the end...

Did that really matter? In the end, he wasn't able to protect Teta, and he couldn't defend Ramza, either. The one small blessing was that he had managed...to heal Sakura.

"Something...akin to that." He said, softly, looking away.

[battle_in_bloom]

Sakura watched him for a moment. She might have reminded him of all the good he'd done he'd that day, but if she was honest with herself, she knew it wouldn't help all that much. Knowing that you had done several good things didn't stop a person from dwelling on something they had failed to succeed at, regardless of whether it was there fault.

After another pause, she moved an arm and patted the floor next to her. "You should come here," she told him.

[brbusinivalice]

He sat next to her soundlessly, not looking at her as his eyes moved to his hands.

...

These hands who had healed so many, but couldn't do a damn thing to help the ones he cared about most.

[battle_in_bloom]

She had been very small, Sakura realised as Delita sat down next to her. Less so now, that she had someone next to her. She saw him watching his hands, and without missing a beat or saying a word, or even making eye contact, she reached out and linked one of her own, much smaller, hands with his.

[brbusinivalice]

That...wasn't what he had expected.

Her hand was warm. Real. Something soft but small, much smaller than his own.

He ignored the warmth that bubbled in his chest at the feeling, and the redness that was forming, however slight, on his cheeks.

Her hand was smaller, and yet with that single hand, she seemed to be able to hold him up. Keep him out of the depths of his despair. She had saved him...that much was certain. Since they had first become friends a year before, and even now...she...

She had saved him.

He squeezed her hand in response, daring to glance at her for a moment.

[battle_in_bloom]

Her thumb rubbed absently over the back of his hand for a moment, not really expecting anything in response. To tell the complete truth, it was as much for her as for him at that moment, something tangible to hold onto while she tried to gather her thoughts and piece herself back together again.

And then he squeezed her hand, and it was far more than she'd thought he'd react. She ducked her head, smiling softly as she squeezed it back.

[brbusinivalice]

He was always so unsure whenever he was in situations like this. He needed to be in control. He needed to do what he had to do, keeping his grip strong on everything around him.

But the more things happened around him, the more life seemed to go in different directions, the more his control slipped. The more he felt himself falling in a direction that he didn't know would have cushioning at the bottom, and if he could ever go on his normal path again.

He glanced at Sakura still, attempting the smallest hint of a smile, though he knew that he wasn't fooling anyone.

All he could do was grasp on his lifeline.

[battle_in_bloom]

Sakura was silent for a bit, just letting the moment sit. After a while, she let her head slip sideways, body relaxing a little as she rested against Delita's shoulder. Her eyes flicked up at his face briefly, taking in his expression before slowly sliding shut.

"You can let go, you know," she murmured, threading her fingers through with his. "I know you think you have to be strong all the time, but you don't." There was more she could add to that, but she was so tired, it was difficult to get all the words out at once. She'd explain that his friends were there to be strong with him later, if he didn't get it from the done of her voice and then hand linked with his.

[brbusinivalice]

Let go.

Let go? What was there to let go? His own inadequacy? His past? His family? His lot in life that caused him to sit in a pool of helplessness, even as he scrabbled in the bottom of his well to try to get to the top, fingernails breaking and blood pouring down his now-mangled fingertips? Was he simply to let go of his handhold, falling down to the ground below?

You don't have to be strong all the time.

But then who would be strong? Her? Ramza? Teta?

He had to defend those who could not defend themselves. It was for them that he had to go as high as he could. To save them. To prevent them from having to feel the helplessness that he was feeling now.

But...

"Then who shall be?"

He asked, quietly.

[battle_in_bloom]

Sakura rubbed absently at her eyes. They still had that too-tight feeling that came with crying too much, and it wasn't helping her exhaustion. "If you want to be strong for people, 'Lita," she began, a faint hint of a lecture evident in her tone, "you have to let them be strong for you too. It's not fair, otherwise. And sometimes--" She yawned. "--Sometimes if you don't let go of things, they only help drag you down. Letting go doesn't always mean forgetting."

Her eyes blinked open in surprise at her own words, hand clenching abruptly against Delita's before releasing again. That...that can apply to me too...she thought numbly.

[brbusinivalice]

Well, she was certainly right about that. Gravity sucked when you were hanging on the side of a well for dear life, desperately trying to climb out of the hole because there was nobody at the top willing to give you a rope.

Or someone had given him a rope, he just hadn't bothered to accept it.

At this point...it was anybody's guess what it truly was.

"To allow others to shoulder their burdens..."

It was a nice dream, but in the end, what would it accomplish? It would not lift, but only be stuck on the shoulders of another.

"If Atlas had but that luxury, mayhap the world would be a much more stable place than it is now. However just as Atlas alone was able to hold the world on his shoulders, some men must keep their burdens on theirs, as foisting it haphazardly would do naught but bring harm unto the person who had only wished to help in the first place."

He paused, keeping his gaze even on Sakura, watching her with calm, clear eyes.

"But perhaps you know that much more than I. You had tried to ease Uchiha's burden, and it led you to this."\

I would not wish for you to do the same for my sake.

[battle_in_bloom]

"You know, I should just stop using metaphors. They get so confusing..." Sakura sighed, lifting their joined hands up slightly before letting them drop, thumping them into his knee. "The thing about Atlas, Delita, is that he wasn't human. No one can bear their burdens alone. It's part of what makes us people. Atlas held up the world? Fine. But no human could have held up the world."

She swallowed, hard, when he mentioned Sasuke, staring at their conjoint hands, the places where their fingers interlocked. "You can't - compare that to this. I couldn't - Sasuke and I--" A pause, as she gathered herself and tried again. "I did ease it, Delita. But I did it all the wrong ways. He - he did it all the wrong ways." It was quite possibly the first time that Delita would have heard her blame Sasuke. "He didn't want to share his burden, he just wanted me to take it away for him. And like I said, no one can carry all that on their shoulders. They'll break."

Sakura turned her head up to face Delita, locking her gaze with his. "You're not Sasuke, Delita. He's going down a different path, and he's doing it on his own because he thinks that standing on his own is a strength." She suddenly remembered something that Kakashi had said to her when he had been comforting her, earlier that afternoon. "Sometimes - being able to stand alone isn't always a strength. And letting your friends help you isn't always a weakness." She broke their gaze, looking down again. "Sasuke never learned that."

[brbusinivalice]

Their hands were interlocked. Holding each other, as if to be a metaphor of their own selves at that moment, holding one another upright by way of their entwined fingers. Delita stared down at it a moment, his gaze tearing away from Sakura.

Not a weakness. Why did that sound like something that someone else he knew would say?

...No.

Something that two someone elses--no, three would say.

If you stayed with others, he would become strong. He would allow them to hold him up. But what then? What would happen when he failed to do his part to hold them up? He had failed before. Teta lying in a hospital bed, and Ramza's injuries were plenty proof of that. He was not infallible, and could make fatal errors of judgment, and could other times be completely helpless.

Even by the standards of friendship, that did seem to be a bit of a bad track record. But maybe that was the wonderful thing about friendship...no matter how many times you fucked up, in the end, they would still stick close to you.

At least, in theory. There were few he had ever met who held true to this philosophy.

A smile tugged at his lips a moment, but only a moment. Though whether this was about the memory of his childhood companions or Sakura's speaking ill of Sasuke or even a mixture of both was anyone's guess.

"It is surprising," he said, softly, "That you would say such things about Uchiha. But mayhap it was only a matter of time, and it would take something extraordinary to give you the strength to realize the truth."

Though it stung. He really was on the warpath, same as Sasuke. He had done the same things. He had wished to walk that same road. After Teta's injury, all he could think about was how he was going to get back at those who had hurt her. And still, he wished to do that. Those who used curses against innocents, those who wished to harm muggle-borns and half-bloods and even pure-bloods and keep a foundation of class that did naught but bring people apart in times when they needed to stay together needed to pay the price for what they had done. The Class System needed to be destroyed. The Wizarding World needed to be changed.

But power was perhaps not the way to do it. What use was power, or any authority, when wielding it you could not protect those who you wished to save?

It was true. A solution could be more power, a higher position. If he was higher, he could have stopped it. But truly, would it? Would it have changed anything?! Would him gaining a higher position given him any more strength and power than it would have if he had been a lower-rank? Perhaps it could, perhaps it couldn't. But in the end, what if it really didn't do anything? What if in the end, he couldn't change anything, and was forced to live an existence in which he would helplessly jump up and down, grasping for a ledge that was made of ice?

He didn't want to think about it. He could change things. He was certain of that.

But the question was...

Could he do it alone? Could he do it trying to gain power as he had? Simply trying to use situations to his benefit? Manipulating people when he could, gaining trust amongst his classmates and seeming an amazing, worthwhile person?

He didn't know.

Maybe he was going about it all wrong. Maybe he wasn't.

But the fact stood that he had almost become what he despised. He had almost become Uchiha. And if it had not been for Sakura...perhaps he would have. If it had not been for her, for Ramza, for Alma, for Catty, for Teta, for Harry...hell, even Zelos, when he still attended the school...

If it had not been for them, he would have been another Uchiha, and that in itself was enough to make his stomach lurch.

"Though if what you say is true..." His words lingered into the air, soft...wistful.