three; voice

[protecthim]

[Some indiscriminate yelling, mixed with whinnying, some crashes, and everything overlaid with nineties synthpop]

That's it. That's IT. A motherfucking UNICORN just POOPED IN MY SHOE. AND HOW DO I KNOW A UNICORN DID IT?

[The sound of a shotgun cocking]

BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING RAINBOW COLORED.

Comments

[alwaysinmysight]

...

[Written carefully so it doesn't look like her normal handwriting.]

You should be careful with that. Something with that kind of spread might injure someone or something you don't mean it to.

[protecthim]

TRUE

WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST FOR OPTIMUM UNICORN DEATH

[alwaysinmysight]

I would suggest not killing them at all. It's... probably not a good idea. These aren't normal unicorns- at least they don't look like normal unicorns.

They might retaliate.

[protecthim]

BUT

BUT IT POOPED

[protecthim]

YOU. YOU DID THIS DIDN'T YOU. SOMEHOW.

YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF UNICORN CONTROLLING DEVICE

[protecthim]

MAYBE YOU'RE A VIRGIN

THAT WOULD EXPLAIN EVERYTHING. THE UNICORNS, YOUR TERRIBLE ATTITUDE. IT'S JUST SEXUAL FRUSTRATION

[funnurabakurita]

Wow! It must really like you, professor!

[is...totally serious.]

[protecthim]

YOU KNOW IT WOULDN'T BE THAT BAD

IF THE POOP WASN'T A FUCKING RAINBOW

FOR SOME REASON THAT... THAT I CANNOT TAKE

[funnurabakurita]

Maybe...Maybe it's trying to mark its territory? Oh! Maybe it would let you ride it! I've always wanted to ride one, but I think I would probably crush it.

[protecthim]

Don't you have to be a virgin to do that?

WHAT AM I SAYING, THIS IS THE ENEMY I'M TALKING ABOUT

[sakeofthescoop]

...

I bet their poop has all kinds of magical properties.

You should save it professor and sell it.

[protecthim]

IT'S POOP

[sakeofthescoop]

People use dragon dung all the time for their gardens.

[protecthim]

Well I hope it makes their gardens really colorful because that's what's happening to my goddamn shoe right now

[timeinback]

y-you're going to do what?

[protecthim]

I HAVE TO AVENGE MYSELF

THIS IS NOW A MATTER OF HONOR

[protecthim]

I HAD A BIT BEFORE MY SHOES GOT FILLED WITH RAINBOWS

oh my god NOW IT'S EATING ONE OF MY SHIRTS