(no subject)
> I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat. > - Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms
>
> Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
> - Jimmy Carr
>
> The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm > bears.
> - Chris Addison at the Pleasance
>
> My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most
> of our family holidays in Customs.
> - Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon
>
> The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be
> sh*tting herself.
> - Colin & Fergus at the Pleasance
>
> My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I
> was never smacked as a child ... well, maybe one or two grams to get me > to sleep at night.
> - Susan Murray at the Underbelly
>
> My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when
> I was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t.
> - Susan Murray at the Underbelly
>
> You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you,
> because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite
> flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening ...
> Self-raising?"
> - Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms
>
> The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and
> punched someone in the face.
> - Jeremy Limb, at the Trap
>
> I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought
> the obvious one was "Shout For Help".
> - Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron
>
> Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along.
> Turned out it was a bloody hoax.
> - Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance
>
> Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a
> winner and a loser at the same time.
> - Demetri Martin at the Assembly Rooms
>
> A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please".
> The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs. Why don't you go
> join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a
> plumber".
> - Steven Alan Green at C34
>
> Hey -you want to feel really handsome? Go shopping at Asda.
> - Brendon Burns at the Pleasance
>
> I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've
> already got one!"
> - Norman Lovett at The Stand
>
> It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.
> - Chris Addison at the Pleasance
>
> I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation -but I'm not
> very good at it.
> - Arnold Brown at The Stand
>
> If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a
> tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
> They're trained for that.
> - Milton Jones at the Underbell
>
> Donald Rumsfeld is briefing the President:
> "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed sir."
> "OH NO!" cries the President,
> "...but how many is a brazillion?"
British Blog Directory
>
> Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
> - Jimmy Carr
>
> The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm > bears.
> - Chris Addison at the Pleasance
>
> My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most
> of our family holidays in Customs.
> - Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon
>
> The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be
> sh*tting herself.
> - Colin & Fergus at the Pleasance
>
> My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I
> was never smacked as a child ... well, maybe one or two grams to get me > to sleep at night.
> - Susan Murray at the Underbelly
>
> My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when
> I was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t.
> - Susan Murray at the Underbelly
>
> You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you,
> because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite
> flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening ...
> Self-raising?"
> - Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms
>
> The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and
> punched someone in the face.
> - Jeremy Limb, at the Trap
>
> I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought
> the obvious one was "Shout For Help".
> - Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron
>
> Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along.
> Turned out it was a bloody hoax.
> - Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance
>
> Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a
> winner and a loser at the same time.
> - Demetri Martin at the Assembly Rooms
>
> A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please".
> The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs. Why don't you go
> join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a
> plumber".
> - Steven Alan Green at C34
>
> Hey -you want to feel really handsome? Go shopping at Asda.
> - Brendon Burns at the Pleasance
>
> I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've
> already got one!"
> - Norman Lovett at The Stand
>
> It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.
> - Chris Addison at the Pleasance
>
> I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation -but I'm not
> very good at it.
> - Arnold Brown at The Stand
>
> If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a
> tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
> They're trained for that.
> - Milton Jones at the Underbell
>
> Donald Rumsfeld is briefing the President:
> "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed sir."
> "OH NO!" cries the President,
> "...but how many is a brazillion?"
British Blog Directory