(no subject)
how to start this, i dont know...im not feeling at all myself, im always saying im ok or not too bad, but im beggining to see that im doing very much shitty, i dont know im not happy, i actually felt sad today, i dont know, fuck, i wanna know what im feeling, i saw this girl on friday, i think i need to like someone, maybe to remind me that theres still some love on me, maybe i want to like someone, maybe i want to be liked, i dont know, but its pointless, she doesnt know me i dont know her, fuck why do i do this to myself, because i am a massochist defenetly, a friend tells me, that im not finding anything because i am not looking, but i want to look, maybe i dont know how, i cant blame luck, though i havent had any, i dont know, its as if im watching my life go past me, my body is there, and im inside, fucking powerless, not enjoying shit and feeling really fucking bad, and crap, i dont like it and i dont know what the fuck to do and my friend got a tattoo, and i dont know why, but when i saw it, i felt bad, weird odd sad, stupid ass feelings i dont know fucking understand, i wanted to understand myself so i started writing this, i see i know what im feeling, why dont i do anything about it, because i am a shithead, what can i do, nothing, not a motherfucking thing to do, just keep on being bored, nothing happening, i need something, i dont fucking know, and this is such a mess, but maybe the answer is here, maybe i just need to stop and breathe, im not happy but i have no reason to be sad, im alive, i have food, i have a roof, i have ppl who love by any given reasons, but everything is there, what do i need to enjoy life, a girlfriend, thats not it, stupid details, i need my life back, i dont know if i ever had it, bunch of friggin regrets, a fuckload of regrets, i dont know when you start living, but i think i took a wrong turn, a big fat u turn, something, maybe i can return, happyness cant be that hard, i laugh, i enjoy, i laughed a lot, i enjoyed a lot, yet i regret so much, maybe i should go and get wasted, blah, fuck it, all i need is inside me, thats the problem, going outside for fucking answers, there are none, you are the problem, you are the answer, you are the motherfucking question, the enigma, relativity, hah, i dont know, i really dont, i cant figure fuck it anymore, i just cant, and i want to know how to feel good, nothing to do, just keep on going, maybe i shall see enlightment, maybe the answer will come, from inside, maybe i will need help, just a friend, i dont know
i dont fucking know
i dont fucking know