The epistles of two imaginary characters
And characters that aren't even mine. However, I used this as an exercise with a willing participant to try and work some character kinks out for myself in a previously mentioned fanfic. They don't necessarily read the same way in my fic but this helped me cement my ideas on their behaviours and opinions. A little.
A word
Constance Hardbroom
May 6 at 9:33pm
Dear Imogen
Can I ask what "implications" you are referring to regarding your answer to Emma's post on 30 April?
Constance
Imogen Drill
May 6 at 9:59pm
Dear Constance
Hello to you, too.
Pardon the phrase, but what's with the third degree? We've hardly spoken in days, you've been strangely distant and all of a sudden you're questioning my personal interactions.
I don't understand you, Constance. You blow hot and cold like a bloody magic kettle. Why do I feel like I'm missing something here?
Imogen
Constance Hardbroom
May 6 at 11:31pm
Dear Imogen
If you would rather avoid the aforesaid "third degree", then I suggest you take more care regarding your wall posts.
I merely inquired out of a sense of duty. Emma Delaney made a comment to me about you having taught her "everything she knows"... I wondered what on earth she would mean by that given that she said words to the effect that you would rather I did not speak to you about it - which, evidently, meant that I should.
I can only hope she was grossly exaggerating.
Constance
Imogen Drill
May 6 at 11:55pm
Dear Constance
Don't be flippant. You needn't have commented, yet you did.
I would give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are asking because your interest is personal, but considering how you've been behaving around me - friendly one minute, your usual cold and mocking self the next - I don't know what to think. The only alternative is that you're questioning my ethics, which I would be extremely insulted by.
Constance, I just want to know where I stand with you. Otherwise how am I to respond to this kind of message, in any way? I don't know if you trust me, I don't know if we're friends, nevermind what else. This confusion is... unsettling, to say the least.
Imogen
Constance Hardbroom
May 7 at 12:27am
Dear Imogen
My, we have a reaction! I was starting to wonder if I was corresponding with Miss Bat!
And of course I am not questioning your ethics. I had foolishly thought we were becoming friends - but for that to happen, you need to tell me everything. I genuinely want to get to know you, Imogen. I sometimes think you don't understand that.
And as for me blowing hot and cold, it is you who have seemed distant these past few days. I've counted three occasions when you have left the staffroom shortly after my arrival. How is that supposed to make me feel? Do you genuinely believe, like everyone else, that I am some sort of ice maiden, immune to emotion?
Constance
Imogen Drill
May 7 at 2:09am
Dear Constance
If that's what it takes to get a favourable reaction from you, I should be irritable more often. Another explanation for you starting so many fights with me over the years..
Don't be ridiculous, Constance. We are friends. But notice how you say that I need to tell you everything. Not that we need to tell each other everything. If I'm to share details about my life with you, I expect the same in return. I know it's hard for you and you much prefer to listen rather than speak but is it really too much to ask for you to try?
But of course I don't think you're an ice maiden! I would never treat you as if you didn't have feelings. And I'm sorry if I've hurt you. I genuinely didn't realise I was doing it. I only left the staffroom so hurriedly because of the looks you were giving me.
You know me, I'm not one to back down from a situation. But over the years, I've learned to simply remove myself from a position where I find myself at a disadvantage. And when you look at me like that, I'm perpetually in that position. It doesn't help to be caught between Davina and Amelia, either.
I'm sorry if I hurt you. That was never my intention.
Imogen
Constance Hardbroom
May 7 at 6:45pm
Dear Imogen
I am sorry for being so uptight about my personal "issues" before now. You have to try and understand that I have barely spoken to anyone before now, therefore it is extremely hard for me to break an old habit. However, I will endeavour to relax, as it is unfair of me to expect you partake in a one-sided relationship.
As for the looks you inferred I was giving you, again, I apologise. I am not a natural smiler and sometimes I'm told I can look rather severe when I am deep in thought - which, lately, I have been.
Forgive me if I am quiet during the next few days, as I have reports to write for Mistress Broomhead, as I'm sure you will have gathered from her wall page.
I don't think I have ever made to many apologies in such a short space of a page!
Constance
Imogen Drill
May 7 at 11:45pm
Dear Constance
I'm grateful for the sentiment behind them but don't give me your apologies. I feel awful that I expected you to be someone you're not, and all at the drop of a hat. Thank you for understanding my feelings, though. I hope we manage to grow into emotionally healthier human beings because of all this madness.
I'm quite used to your severity, Constance - there was something else in your eyes that made me uncomfortable. But perhaps it was a problem of my own that caused me discomfort. Perhaps I'm imagining things.
That woman is fast becoming the bane of our existence. I can't believe the way she behaved towards you. Have you heard anything further on her plans to take over your position? I assumed it was another one of her idle but nonethless terrifying threats - you don't think she's serious?
Honestly, those girls! And most of them out of school years, still behaving like sullen children. It's infuriating that they don't realise their actions cause someone else pain, someone who is trying to shield them from that hideous woman and her tortures. Perhaps you should allow Broomhead her free reign over them, let them see that she isn't just a fairytale witch in a house made of sweets. That she's dangerous. They're all grown witches - you can't shield them forever.
Hell, I feel as if life is a bloody soap opera sometimes. When will we be allowed a normal life?
I feel extremely lucky to be let in by you, and I hope our relationship only improves from here. In the interests of full disclosure, since we trust one another, I'm willing to tell you about what transpired between Emma and myself. If you really want to know. You may want to think on that.
Imogen
Constance Hardbroom
May 8 at 12:38am
Dear Imogen
Thank you for your understanding - I realise that at times I do everything in my power to push people away, and I hope that I will learn to refrain from my defensive reactions where you are concerned.
To be quite honest, I am growing rather tired of Heckity. I wonder sometimes why I let a wizened old woman rule my life even now, after all these years. I mean, I didn't see her at all for nearly two decades! Then, when she reaches retirement age and fears losing her status, she bulldozes her way into the Witches Guild (I have heard rumours that she has made herself incredibly unwelcome) and seeks a punchbag in the form of an ex-pupil! I am not one for drama, Imogen, and I can genuinely say that I am on the brink of completely disregarding her every (empty) threat.
How kind of you to say you feel lucky - why you should feel like that, I don't know. I am the one who is experiencing for the first time the joys of another human being, and just how interesting their intricacies can be. You, as you told me over dinner, have always had a multitude of friends and acquaintances.
Now you have roused my curiosity, I suppose you should tell me about Emma. And I will do my best not to be judgemental.
Constance
Imogen Drill
May 8 at 1:46am
Dear Constance
Well done! I'm so glad you're finally standing up to that woman. She is just a dried up old hag, nothing to be afraid of. Certainly not for a witch as powerful as you. If it wasn't entirely indecorous, I would have given the old bat a shove out of the school grounds myself. Considering your history, I'm very proud of you for 'showing her who's boss'.
It's true that I tend to socialise a little more freely than you but that doesn't mean I can't recognise a wonderful and intriguing human being when I see one. Please don't compare yourself to anyone else - you do everyone involved a disservice. For a woman who can halt blizzards with a few words and a flick of the wrist, you have a terrible habit of putting yourself down. Please don't, you have no reason.
Believe me, I'd rather not share this but considering Emma's indiscrete comments and your questioning... well, I have little choice. And I don't want to hide anything from you.
As you've probably gathered, she and I were, for want of a better word, involved. For a time. Years ago. It was nothing more than a misjudged affair. We had our different reasons.
Considering her age, you must have worked out that her schooling and our relationship overlapped. But by mere months, Constance, I swear. And nothing like that has happened before or since. I know I should never have allowed a situation like that to occur but, well, like I said - we had our reasons. I have no defence to offer. None that wouldn't make my situation worse with you.
What I will say is that I was entirely surprised to hear that she'd said I taught her "everything she knows". Nothing could be further from the truth - I'd never conducted any kind of relationship with a woman before that, apart from the odd drunken kiss in college. If anything, she was teaching me. Which made me wonder after the other girls in her year group and their romantic habits. And I know it doesn't make my position any less inappropriate but at least I was not corrupting an innocent. Neither of us could accuse Emma of that.
You know I stand to lose a lot from this. I'm putting myself in your hands, Constance. I await your response.
Imogen
Constance Hardbroom
May 9 at 9:17pm
Dear Imogen
Thank you for your message, and many apologies for the delayed response. I have to say I was a little taken aback by the revelation - not that I hadn't come to precisely the same conclusion; but I think actually seeing it in writing was more of a shock than I had anticipated. Perhaps part of me was hoping my imagination was having a little field day all of its own.
You are aware, Imogen, that you have put me in a very difficult position by telling me this. You know I should speak to Amelia and... well, you know what else.
I know better than anyone what a lonely place Cackle's can be. With cats, bats (of two varieties!) and unruly young witches for company, things can seem a little - unbalanced - at times. You know me well enough to know my scruples would never allow me to follow such a dangerous and potentially catastrophic path, but I have other reasons for avoiding fraternisation. We all have our skeletons, Imogen. The difference is, some people learn to live with theirs. They get over the trauma or the embarrassment or the shame or whatever else is holding them back, and they live. Others, like me, never quite manage to see the funny side of the things they did when they were a bit younger, a bit more naive.
But now is not the time for wallowing in what might have been. We need to deal with what has happened and accept it as past fact. I remember Emma as a very persistent young lady. She still is, from what I can ascertain from her profile. I should think she had every intention of ensnaring you and absolutely no intention of taking no for an answer. I firmly believe that, in all such circumstances, you should have spoken to me or Amelia and we could have, for want of a better expression, "nipped it in the bud"; but I understand too that temptation, loneliness and opportunity can make an unavoidable combination.
Your secret is safe with me, Imogen. As long as it is safe with Emma, I think we need not worry about delayed consequences.
Constance
Imogen Drill
May 10 at 11:45pm
Dear Constance
Thank you.
You have no idea the weight you've lifted from me - I thought I'd definitely lost my job and my friendship with you all because of my need to be truthful. Well, my inability to control myself. I'm sorry I put you in such a position. I just couldn't handle the idea of keeping such a secret from you, especially knowing you were in contact with Angela and how forthright she can be. I guess I should be thankful that she prompted the whole thing - the more time you and I have been spending together, the guiltier I've been feeling.
I know I should be grateful and leave well enough alone, especially since you expressed such understanding, but I wanted you to know that it wasn't just some fling. Though I don't suppose any relationship lasting half a year could be called that. It's just that she sought me out, she listened to me, she came running with me even when I refused to talk. I know this doesn't justify anything but she understood a part of me that I was pretending didn't exist, for an easier life. Having someone to be with, even secretly, does ease the loneliness. But we both knew she couldn't fix what brought us together in the first place. While I appreciated her for who she was, and I believe she felt the same about me, we were both using the relationship to make up for one we couldn't have.
I supposed it only helped that we were both stuck on the same person.
But the reason I'm telling you this is to prove it will never happen again. It was an extreme set of circumstances. I know you wouldn't keep my secret if you believed me capable of doing the same thing again with another student, but I just wanted to make sure you knew.
... I suddenly feel so tired. It's like I could sleep for days.
Now I've managed to trust you with the most potentially damaging information about me there is... I don't think I'm closer to anyone else. I know you wouldn't use this unequal power balance against me, so don't think that's why I'm asking. But would you consider telling me about those skeletons of yours? Since you know most of mine by now.
I think I'll forgo my plans for the day and catch up on some sleep now. I was up most of the night. I'm tempted to come to you for some dreamless sleep potion but I'm not entirely convinced I wouldn't embarrass myself by crying or something equally ridiculous.
Imogen
Do they get it together? Does anybody care? Not a bloody clue. To the second one, I know how the first one goes. And I will tell the Mystery Guest, if they ask.
A word
Constance Hardbroom
May 6 at 9:33pm
Dear Imogen
Can I ask what "implications" you are referring to regarding your answer to Emma's post on 30 April?
Constance
Imogen Drill
May 6 at 9:59pm
Dear Constance
Hello to you, too.
Pardon the phrase, but what's with the third degree? We've hardly spoken in days, you've been strangely distant and all of a sudden you're questioning my personal interactions.
I don't understand you, Constance. You blow hot and cold like a bloody magic kettle. Why do I feel like I'm missing something here?
Imogen
Constance Hardbroom
May 6 at 11:31pm
Dear Imogen
If you would rather avoid the aforesaid "third degree", then I suggest you take more care regarding your wall posts.
I merely inquired out of a sense of duty. Emma Delaney made a comment to me about you having taught her "everything she knows"... I wondered what on earth she would mean by that given that she said words to the effect that you would rather I did not speak to you about it - which, evidently, meant that I should.
I can only hope she was grossly exaggerating.
Constance
Imogen Drill
May 6 at 11:55pm
Dear Constance
Don't be flippant. You needn't have commented, yet you did.
I would give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are asking because your interest is personal, but considering how you've been behaving around me - friendly one minute, your usual cold and mocking self the next - I don't know what to think. The only alternative is that you're questioning my ethics, which I would be extremely insulted by.
Constance, I just want to know where I stand with you. Otherwise how am I to respond to this kind of message, in any way? I don't know if you trust me, I don't know if we're friends, nevermind what else. This confusion is... unsettling, to say the least.
Imogen
Constance Hardbroom
May 7 at 12:27am
Dear Imogen
My, we have a reaction! I was starting to wonder if I was corresponding with Miss Bat!
And of course I am not questioning your ethics. I had foolishly thought we were becoming friends - but for that to happen, you need to tell me everything. I genuinely want to get to know you, Imogen. I sometimes think you don't understand that.
And as for me blowing hot and cold, it is you who have seemed distant these past few days. I've counted three occasions when you have left the staffroom shortly after my arrival. How is that supposed to make me feel? Do you genuinely believe, like everyone else, that I am some sort of ice maiden, immune to emotion?
Constance
Imogen Drill
May 7 at 2:09am
Dear Constance
If that's what it takes to get a favourable reaction from you, I should be irritable more often. Another explanation for you starting so many fights with me over the years..
Don't be ridiculous, Constance. We are friends. But notice how you say that I need to tell you everything. Not that we need to tell each other everything. If I'm to share details about my life with you, I expect the same in return. I know it's hard for you and you much prefer to listen rather than speak but is it really too much to ask for you to try?
But of course I don't think you're an ice maiden! I would never treat you as if you didn't have feelings. And I'm sorry if I've hurt you. I genuinely didn't realise I was doing it. I only left the staffroom so hurriedly because of the looks you were giving me.
You know me, I'm not one to back down from a situation. But over the years, I've learned to simply remove myself from a position where I find myself at a disadvantage. And when you look at me like that, I'm perpetually in that position. It doesn't help to be caught between Davina and Amelia, either.
I'm sorry if I hurt you. That was never my intention.
Imogen
Constance Hardbroom
May 7 at 6:45pm
Dear Imogen
I am sorry for being so uptight about my personal "issues" before now. You have to try and understand that I have barely spoken to anyone before now, therefore it is extremely hard for me to break an old habit. However, I will endeavour to relax, as it is unfair of me to expect you partake in a one-sided relationship.
As for the looks you inferred I was giving you, again, I apologise. I am not a natural smiler and sometimes I'm told I can look rather severe when I am deep in thought - which, lately, I have been.
Forgive me if I am quiet during the next few days, as I have reports to write for Mistress Broomhead, as I'm sure you will have gathered from her wall page.
I don't think I have ever made to many apologies in such a short space of a page!
Constance
Imogen Drill
May 7 at 11:45pm
Dear Constance
I'm grateful for the sentiment behind them but don't give me your apologies. I feel awful that I expected you to be someone you're not, and all at the drop of a hat. Thank you for understanding my feelings, though. I hope we manage to grow into emotionally healthier human beings because of all this madness.
I'm quite used to your severity, Constance - there was something else in your eyes that made me uncomfortable. But perhaps it was a problem of my own that caused me discomfort. Perhaps I'm imagining things.
That woman is fast becoming the bane of our existence. I can't believe the way she behaved towards you. Have you heard anything further on her plans to take over your position? I assumed it was another one of her idle but nonethless terrifying threats - you don't think she's serious?
Honestly, those girls! And most of them out of school years, still behaving like sullen children. It's infuriating that they don't realise their actions cause someone else pain, someone who is trying to shield them from that hideous woman and her tortures. Perhaps you should allow Broomhead her free reign over them, let them see that she isn't just a fairytale witch in a house made of sweets. That she's dangerous. They're all grown witches - you can't shield them forever.
Hell, I feel as if life is a bloody soap opera sometimes. When will we be allowed a normal life?
I feel extremely lucky to be let in by you, and I hope our relationship only improves from here. In the interests of full disclosure, since we trust one another, I'm willing to tell you about what transpired between Emma and myself. If you really want to know. You may want to think on that.
Imogen
Constance Hardbroom
May 8 at 12:38am
Dear Imogen
Thank you for your understanding - I realise that at times I do everything in my power to push people away, and I hope that I will learn to refrain from my defensive reactions where you are concerned.
To be quite honest, I am growing rather tired of Heckity. I wonder sometimes why I let a wizened old woman rule my life even now, after all these years. I mean, I didn't see her at all for nearly two decades! Then, when she reaches retirement age and fears losing her status, she bulldozes her way into the Witches Guild (I have heard rumours that she has made herself incredibly unwelcome) and seeks a punchbag in the form of an ex-pupil! I am not one for drama, Imogen, and I can genuinely say that I am on the brink of completely disregarding her every (empty) threat.
How kind of you to say you feel lucky - why you should feel like that, I don't know. I am the one who is experiencing for the first time the joys of another human being, and just how interesting their intricacies can be. You, as you told me over dinner, have always had a multitude of friends and acquaintances.
Now you have roused my curiosity, I suppose you should tell me about Emma. And I will do my best not to be judgemental.
Constance
Imogen Drill
May 8 at 1:46am
Dear Constance
Well done! I'm so glad you're finally standing up to that woman. She is just a dried up old hag, nothing to be afraid of. Certainly not for a witch as powerful as you. If it wasn't entirely indecorous, I would have given the old bat a shove out of the school grounds myself. Considering your history, I'm very proud of you for 'showing her who's boss'.
It's true that I tend to socialise a little more freely than you but that doesn't mean I can't recognise a wonderful and intriguing human being when I see one. Please don't compare yourself to anyone else - you do everyone involved a disservice. For a woman who can halt blizzards with a few words and a flick of the wrist, you have a terrible habit of putting yourself down. Please don't, you have no reason.
Believe me, I'd rather not share this but considering Emma's indiscrete comments and your questioning... well, I have little choice. And I don't want to hide anything from you.
As you've probably gathered, she and I were, for want of a better word, involved. For a time. Years ago. It was nothing more than a misjudged affair. We had our different reasons.
Considering her age, you must have worked out that her schooling and our relationship overlapped. But by mere months, Constance, I swear. And nothing like that has happened before or since. I know I should never have allowed a situation like that to occur but, well, like I said - we had our reasons. I have no defence to offer. None that wouldn't make my situation worse with you.
What I will say is that I was entirely surprised to hear that she'd said I taught her "everything she knows". Nothing could be further from the truth - I'd never conducted any kind of relationship with a woman before that, apart from the odd drunken kiss in college. If anything, she was teaching me. Which made me wonder after the other girls in her year group and their romantic habits. And I know it doesn't make my position any less inappropriate but at least I was not corrupting an innocent. Neither of us could accuse Emma of that.
You know I stand to lose a lot from this. I'm putting myself in your hands, Constance. I await your response.
Imogen
Constance Hardbroom
May 9 at 9:17pm
Dear Imogen
Thank you for your message, and many apologies for the delayed response. I have to say I was a little taken aback by the revelation - not that I hadn't come to precisely the same conclusion; but I think actually seeing it in writing was more of a shock than I had anticipated. Perhaps part of me was hoping my imagination was having a little field day all of its own.
You are aware, Imogen, that you have put me in a very difficult position by telling me this. You know I should speak to Amelia and... well, you know what else.
I know better than anyone what a lonely place Cackle's can be. With cats, bats (of two varieties!) and unruly young witches for company, things can seem a little - unbalanced - at times. You know me well enough to know my scruples would never allow me to follow such a dangerous and potentially catastrophic path, but I have other reasons for avoiding fraternisation. We all have our skeletons, Imogen. The difference is, some people learn to live with theirs. They get over the trauma or the embarrassment or the shame or whatever else is holding them back, and they live. Others, like me, never quite manage to see the funny side of the things they did when they were a bit younger, a bit more naive.
But now is not the time for wallowing in what might have been. We need to deal with what has happened and accept it as past fact. I remember Emma as a very persistent young lady. She still is, from what I can ascertain from her profile. I should think she had every intention of ensnaring you and absolutely no intention of taking no for an answer. I firmly believe that, in all such circumstances, you should have spoken to me or Amelia and we could have, for want of a better expression, "nipped it in the bud"; but I understand too that temptation, loneliness and opportunity can make an unavoidable combination.
Your secret is safe with me, Imogen. As long as it is safe with Emma, I think we need not worry about delayed consequences.
Constance
Imogen Drill
May 10 at 11:45pm
Dear Constance
Thank you.
You have no idea the weight you've lifted from me - I thought I'd definitely lost my job and my friendship with you all because of my need to be truthful. Well, my inability to control myself. I'm sorry I put you in such a position. I just couldn't handle the idea of keeping such a secret from you, especially knowing you were in contact with Angela and how forthright she can be. I guess I should be thankful that she prompted the whole thing - the more time you and I have been spending together, the guiltier I've been feeling.
I know I should be grateful and leave well enough alone, especially since you expressed such understanding, but I wanted you to know that it wasn't just some fling. Though I don't suppose any relationship lasting half a year could be called that. It's just that she sought me out, she listened to me, she came running with me even when I refused to talk. I know this doesn't justify anything but she understood a part of me that I was pretending didn't exist, for an easier life. Having someone to be with, even secretly, does ease the loneliness. But we both knew she couldn't fix what brought us together in the first place. While I appreciated her for who she was, and I believe she felt the same about me, we were both using the relationship to make up for one we couldn't have.
I supposed it only helped that we were both stuck on the same person.
But the reason I'm telling you this is to prove it will never happen again. It was an extreme set of circumstances. I know you wouldn't keep my secret if you believed me capable of doing the same thing again with another student, but I just wanted to make sure you knew.
... I suddenly feel so tired. It's like I could sleep for days.
Now I've managed to trust you with the most potentially damaging information about me there is... I don't think I'm closer to anyone else. I know you wouldn't use this unequal power balance against me, so don't think that's why I'm asking. But would you consider telling me about those skeletons of yours? Since you know most of mine by now.
I think I'll forgo my plans for the day and catch up on some sleep now. I was up most of the night. I'm tempted to come to you for some dreamless sleep potion but I'm not entirely convinced I wouldn't embarrass myself by crying or something equally ridiculous.
Imogen
Do they get it together? Does anybody care? Not a bloody clue. To the second one, I know how the first one goes. And I will tell the Mystery Guest, if they ask.