take everything, I want you to.
It has been a long time since I updated this. Much has happened. I have moved permanently to toronto; grounded myself here, I have a job, I am finishing my last credits here, I've applied to university again...I know I will get in.
My life has stabilized itself completely.
The last few months have been bizarre, superfluous, unnecessary in many ways, but I have also accomplished much. I have traveled , I have encountered new friends who have helped me and become positive influences, I have laboured on the film (making it as excellent as it possibly could be), and I began seriously developing a modeling career.
Living in Toronto, has been a levitating experience, a breath of euphoria, but it has also, in other ways, been a whirlpool which has drawn me away from my soul.
I have become sucked into the fire of a superficial world, and I have been burned.
I am not bitter (I have not been rejected from this lifestyle) and will never be..however living in the city has certainly taught me the nature of this lifestyle, taught me to lift my guard up...survive I suppose.
For every mistake I have done and hurt someone, five are thrown back at me.
I have come here vulnerable, meeting new friends and trying to ween out good influences from bad influences.
It feels like in kingston that fell right into my lap, where here it is an experience, a game.
Social fucking dodgeball.
And again it is not something I will be bitter about, everyone knows that I am always a positive, strong person, but it is certainly become something which I am aware of. And don't you dare say it has anything to do with a crowd I am with, it doesn't matter if you're at the yorkville, or myspace, or the village. Don't people realize that no matter where they go its the same thing?
I have known this (sometimes) selfish and vindictive lifestyle to the core, I have had it transfused on to me and I have purged it. I have gone through that learning experience. Its a parasite in this city. Through it, I have been betrayed by my friends, my lovers and myself.
Its a scarcity of love, and experiencing what it is to be human, and it happens when the nature of our surounding does not embrace these things
when the spirit is so digital, the body acts this way
Nobody can grasp love, who has not experienced love or has lost its concept, its a cycle...
and in this environment when you spend less time with yourself, and therefore less time with your soul, you are more likely to loose these concepts, and then influence other people that way, you loose the value of a nude soul.
People become disposable...you value image over reality...agendas over forgiveness...now over the future or past....your truth over real truth...subjective over objective...
reality becomes lost, washed out in the grey....selfish
we all know ambiguity in morals is just an excuse for people to get away with whatever the fuck they want. The soul understands absolute truths, there is no middle ground, just different experiences and values at coming to that truth, whatever it may be.
But not having a core truth, a core love, a soul, a solid color, makes you inhuman.
My life has stabilized itself completely.
The last few months have been bizarre, superfluous, unnecessary in many ways, but I have also accomplished much. I have traveled , I have encountered new friends who have helped me and become positive influences, I have laboured on the film (making it as excellent as it possibly could be), and I began seriously developing a modeling career.
Living in Toronto, has been a levitating experience, a breath of euphoria, but it has also, in other ways, been a whirlpool which has drawn me away from my soul.
I have become sucked into the fire of a superficial world, and I have been burned.
I am not bitter (I have not been rejected from this lifestyle) and will never be..however living in the city has certainly taught me the nature of this lifestyle, taught me to lift my guard up...survive I suppose.
For every mistake I have done and hurt someone, five are thrown back at me.
I have come here vulnerable, meeting new friends and trying to ween out good influences from bad influences.
It feels like in kingston that fell right into my lap, where here it is an experience, a game.
Social fucking dodgeball.
And again it is not something I will be bitter about, everyone knows that I am always a positive, strong person, but it is certainly become something which I am aware of. And don't you dare say it has anything to do with a crowd I am with, it doesn't matter if you're at the yorkville, or myspace, or the village. Don't people realize that no matter where they go its the same thing?
I have known this (sometimes) selfish and vindictive lifestyle to the core, I have had it transfused on to me and I have purged it. I have gone through that learning experience. Its a parasite in this city. Through it, I have been betrayed by my friends, my lovers and myself.
Its a scarcity of love, and experiencing what it is to be human, and it happens when the nature of our surounding does not embrace these things
when the spirit is so digital, the body acts this way
Nobody can grasp love, who has not experienced love or has lost its concept, its a cycle...
and in this environment when you spend less time with yourself, and therefore less time with your soul, you are more likely to loose these concepts, and then influence other people that way, you loose the value of a nude soul.
People become disposable...you value image over reality...agendas over forgiveness...now over the future or past....your truth over real truth...subjective over objective...
reality becomes lost, washed out in the grey....selfish
we all know ambiguity in morals is just an excuse for people to get away with whatever the fuck they want. The soul understands absolute truths, there is no middle ground, just different experiences and values at coming to that truth, whatever it may be.
But not having a core truth, a core love, a soul, a solid color, makes you inhuman.