life
Well I must say I had an interesting weekend. With everything that happened I am kind of happy with the way things have turned out. Obviously not the behavior, or the arrest or the suspension or the impending court dates but they have all really made me realize that my life isn’t working right now. This has been something that I have been trying to deal with for awhile now and have not had the ability to admit I needed help with.
The drinking has been my attempt to fix other problems in my life. I have been depressed for a while now to the point were I have not wanted to leave my room or have people see me. There have been days when I refused to get out of bed and would take sleeping pills and medicine to keep me asleep. I needed the liquor for me to be personable I began relying on it to keep me socializing with new people and some of my friends.
I have decided that it is time to do something about both of these problems. For starters I am going to be leaving Clark weather it is going to be entirely of my own accord or if I am expelled. Right now I am hoping to be able to finish the last week and a half of classes without being kicked out. I am fairly confident I will be able to do that. Also I have to worry about court. I am hoping I can settle that with a fine and rehab which is what seems to be likely. I plan on transferring to someplace not so far away from home after I speak to somebody about my situation and get help.
The hardest part about all of this is going to be leaving behind certain people whom I have grown attached to here. Ellyn and Naomi, on days when I did not want to do anything I would go visit them and lots of times just sit around and watch TV and feel better. Kyle, ironically my “arch-nemesis” became one of my closest friends whom I could always rely upon to be bored with. Dan, I could always expect to show up to watch Lost or Smallville. There are a few others who I will miss, but for the most part I have not been associating with anyone else while I have been sober. Not being able to hang out with these people will be the hardest part. But I feel that I am doing what I really want to do and need to do. It is a shame what it took for me to realize all of this.
The drinking has been my attempt to fix other problems in my life. I have been depressed for a while now to the point were I have not wanted to leave my room or have people see me. There have been days when I refused to get out of bed and would take sleeping pills and medicine to keep me asleep. I needed the liquor for me to be personable I began relying on it to keep me socializing with new people and some of my friends.
I have decided that it is time to do something about both of these problems. For starters I am going to be leaving Clark weather it is going to be entirely of my own accord or if I am expelled. Right now I am hoping to be able to finish the last week and a half of classes without being kicked out. I am fairly confident I will be able to do that. Also I have to worry about court. I am hoping I can settle that with a fine and rehab which is what seems to be likely. I plan on transferring to someplace not so far away from home after I speak to somebody about my situation and get help.
The hardest part about all of this is going to be leaving behind certain people whom I have grown attached to here. Ellyn and Naomi, on days when I did not want to do anything I would go visit them and lots of times just sit around and watch TV and feel better. Kyle, ironically my “arch-nemesis” became one of my closest friends whom I could always rely upon to be bored with. Dan, I could always expect to show up to watch Lost or Smallville. There are a few others who I will miss, but for the most part I have not been associating with anyone else while I have been sober. Not being able to hang out with these people will be the hardest part. But I feel that I am doing what I really want to do and need to do. It is a shame what it took for me to realize all of this.